Valentine’s Day is Really Hard on Men
So often guys have good intentions, they want to be romantic, they want to shower you with mushiness . . . but if they’re like the typical man—they don’t know how. Honestly, most guys are afraid they’ll look lame or silly, or they’re under so much pressure to perform that they end up just shutting down.
It took me a few years of disappointment before I learned that my husband’s love for me can’t be measured in candy boxes and cards. Sure, it’s great when men do the hard thing, plan ahead and execute a “mushiness event.” But, if I’m expecting that, have built up my hopes for a romantic evening and he doesn’t come through, it can have disastrous effects.
Valentine’s Day can be really hard on women, too.
It is especially hard on single women who have no one to shower them with affection. But it is also hard on women who have high expectations for the day and their man doesn’t come through.
Is it wrong to hope for cards and flowers?
Is it wrong to expect our man to shower us with special treatment on special days?
Should we take the Eeyore route and gloomily predict that nothing good will happen anyway, so why hope for it?
I don’t think the Eeyore route is the answer, but I do think there is some heart preparation that we need when special days like birthdays, anniversaries, or Valentine’s Day approach.
Heart Prep for Romantic Markers:
- Be secure in the source of true love. If we are looking to our husbands to bring us satisfaction and fulfillment, we will be disappointed every time. No man can ever satisfy a woman’s deepest longings. Your soul hunger for love will only be ultimately met by the steadfast love of Christ.
- Understand that most men don’t do romantic. Some men are great at it, but a lot of men are overwhelmed by the pressure of planning a perfect date with a perfect gift. Give your guy some grace on this and don’t make it harder for him by placing unrealistic expectations on the day.
If cards, flowers, or gifts, are a love language for you—communicate that to your husband. Let him know how much it means to you for him to plan that special date or pick out a little “token of his affection” and pass it to you over a candlelight dinner. Share your desire with him without pressuring him with your expectations.
- Release expectations. I’m not saying to take the “Eeyore route,” but I am saying to guard your emotions and prepare yourself for the fact that: he might forget, he might not come through with blazing romance, and he might even think a new kitchen tool is just what you wanted! Show him grace by releasing him from the pressure of a perfect performance.
- Shower him with your affection. Even if he forgets, or buys you a lame gift, or didn’t plan well, make the day special for him. Why not make a special candle-lit dinner for him at home (and seek out a family that will be glad to have your children over for a few hours)? Communicate love to him in a way that is memorable for him—without the expectation of him returning the favor. Demonstrate sincere, unselfish love, and enjoy doing it!
Valentine’s Day is Sunday . . . how about doing a little planning?
How will you shower your guy with affection?
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Welcome! I’m glad you’re spending a few moments with me here. It is astounding to think that in this small corner of the blogger world, women from across the globe can experience the adventure of growing together in Christ. I never planned to grow up and be a blogger but writing blogs allows me to disciple more women than I would ever have opportunity to actually meet.
My reason for writing is that I have to. This driving impulse to communicate God’s reality and goodness to others is like a burning fire. Because of who He is, the desire for others to know and love Him consumes me. He is my passion and I don’t want to waste a single day, but cram each moment full of living all out for His glory. I long for the day when all will know that He alone is God.
Kimberly Wagner is married to her favorite pastor, LeRoy Wagner. Their children include Caleb and his wife Lindsey; Rachel and her husband Adam, and their daughter Teagan.
Kim’s passion is Christ, and she desires to ignite women’s pursuit of God’s glory. She is a frequent guest on the Revive Our Hearts radio program, as well as a regular contributor to the True Woman blog and the Beyond BathTime blog. Kim has written several devotionals and resource materials for women and loves encouraging women to become students of the Word.
A dream was realized when I attended the first True Woman Conference in 2008. I’ll never forget looking around at thousands of women, freely worshipping God together, embracing their calling as women, and thinking, He’s doing it, He is birthing this movement!
In the late 1990s my friend, Nancy Leigh DeMoss, gave me two books that made a significant impact on my life. True Woman by Susan Hunt and The Feminist Gospel (later revised and entitled The Feminist Mistake) by Mary Kassian. My eyes were opened to how the feminist philosophy has permeated our culture and what a loss we’ve experienced as a result.Read more