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  1. Hi Kimberly

    I wasn’t sure how to contact to send an audio of the interview that I did with you a couple of weeks ago. I would also like to send you the Audio Release that I produced from our interview. If you don’t mind sending me your e-mail address I’ll forward the audio on to you.

    Thanks
    Diana Kay
    Author’s Beat


    • Posted by Eric Helm

      Hello, my name is Eric Helm, my story is very much the same as yours. I have been married almost 31 years. I have not been able to get help. My wife will not go for counseling. I have listened to the cd from Focus on the family. And am in chapter 4 of your book. No one understand my situation. Is there a way to contact Leroy?

      My wife wanted an annulment on our wedding night. We went throu several types of counseling till she was sent to a psychological hospital. We are dealing with extremely leagelism, extremely anti-materialism. Everything is wrong. I can not make deposits into her love bank. Every time thing do not go as she would like God is judging her for disobeying her patients.

      I identify with everything in this book so far.


  2. Posted by Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Diana ~

    Thank you so much for getting back in touch with me. I really appreciate your offer to send the audio of the interview. You should be receiving an email concerning this. We will let you know when we’ll feature the audio release on the website. When and on what station has (or will) the interview air?

    Thank you for your sweet words of encouragement during the interview. I pray the Lord will use it to impact many marriages and bring Him great glory.

    Blessings,


  3. Posted by 'Seeking Hope'

    Kim,

    I just want to thank you for sharing the story of the journey you have been on with your husband. I have been listening to the six recorded programs on the Revive Our Hearts website about you and LeRoy’s story. I can’t express how thankful I am that you were willing to share your story. My husband and I are in the VERY dark place that you both described. We have been married for almost five years but in many ways we have been living like roommates for the past year plus. We are both believers and I have sadly seen my husband’s walk with God become very distant. I can see myself in a lot of what you said. I am very controlling and I know I have completely emasculated my husband. I feel horrible for slowly tearing him down when all I was trying to do was build him up. Over the past few months, I have been trying to encourage him. However, lately I want to completely give up. I feel like things are just getting worse. We are growing farther apart. I love him and am definitely committed to him. He has told me lately that he wants to work on things but I have been really struggling with having hope anymore. Your story spoke to deep parts of my soul and has given me a glimmer of hope. Thank you so much for that. I want to work on being the wife that God wants me to be for my husband; instead of the wife that I think I should be (or deserve to be). I deep appreciate you sharing your story more than any words could ever express. If possible, please keep my husband and I in your prayers. Thank you dearly.


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Dear Seeking Hope.

      I am so sorry for the dark place where you are now. The description of your relationship reminds me so much of our painful years. Do you have the book, “Fierce Women”? I think you would find much in that book that could be helpful. I tell more of our story there, but also give a lot of practical suggestions for building a united relationship with your man.

      If you listened to the ROH broadcast alone, you might consider listening to it again with your husband and ask him to share his heart with you, to let you know what ways he might be able to relate to our story. Also, it might be helpful for both of you to view our marriage video together. Just click on the Video tab above and it is the video entitled: Marriage Miracle.”

      Also, Revive Our Hearts has a helpful tool: The 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge. You can find it here:

      http://www.reviveourhearts.com/store/product/30-days-encouraging-your-husband-journal/

      If you don’t have a copy of “Fierce Women: The Power of a Soft Warrior” please let us know and Moody will send you a gift copy.

      Praying that God will restore your hope and fill you with faith for what He can do in your marriage. May you see Him perform an Ephesians 3:20 work!

      Blessings dear one ~


  4. Posted by 'Seeking Hope'

    Thank you so much for responding!! I was actually just telling a friend how thankful I am that I stumbled across your story and the ROH broadcast. My friend is a strong Christian and the only one I really confide in with all that is going on with my husband as I know she is a cheerleader for our marriage. She could not believe how similar the situation my husband and I are in is to your story. There are so many parallels and am I so very grateful to see hope.

    I mentioned the broadcast to my husband but he didn’t seem too interested in listening to it just yet. I think he is worried it will be about all that he needs to do better. I can’t really blame him for feeling that way as that is how I have treated almost every time we have tried to listen to an audio book or sermon about marriage together. I have regrettably been a very controlling and quarrelsome wife. 🙁 Therefore, I think that I will need to do a lot of praying and work on my end before he will feel safe enough to engage in anything I recommend. I will definitely look at the 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge that you recommended.

    I heard of your book while listening to the broadcast but I have not yet purchased it. I started to read parts of it that are available online and can see how helpful it will be for me. Thank you so much for offering to send me a copy. That is a true blessing with our current financial situation. Thank you so very much.

    Thanks again for taking the time to respond. I appreciate you more than words can express. Thank you.


  5. Posted by Feelin the same

    To “seeking hope”, I too, have felt like you feel. I have only been married a year an a half, but I have a controlling personality, and always feel like if I want something done, I have to do it myself, or that I was the only one who could do it the right way. I felt hopeless one day and was actually searching online for a book to help me as a wife of a recovering addict. I had no luck, as I wanted a Christian book. The first link that came up was a site that sold Kimberly’s book, Fierce Women. I read the summary and cried. I knew God led me to it. I immediately went out and purchased it. I recently finished it and can’t tell you how much it’s helped me. I have yet to see it help my marriage, as these things take time. I have to gain my husbands trust on issues and encourage him to feel empowered before everything will change. I’m so blessed to have found it. I’m going to start it again tonight.
    I want to build him up so that he can be reminded that God, and his wife, think the world of him so that he never has to turn to alcohol or drugs again. I want to be the wife God wants me to be for him; beautifully fierce.


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Dear “Feeling the Same” ~

      How loving the Father is. Thank you so much for sharing how He directed you to find the book.

      You are right, it takes time for the husband to respond positively after feeling unappreciated for so long. I hope you’ll continue pressing into God’s Word and asking Him for the grace to live out His truth, to express the love and humility of Christ in your interactions with your husband, and to persevere through the difficult days.

      I hope you and your husband are in a solid church body where you are able to receive good biblical instruction as well as discipleship from more mature believers. If you haven’t already, I hope you’ll read through the blog posts on this site, there are several that are related to marriage issues. Please continue to connect and let us hear how God is working in your lives.

      I am stopping now to pray for you and your husband. May you know the joy that comes from God pouring out His love on your relationship and binding the two of you together in that love. He is able to do far more than we can ask or think, more than you can imagine (Ephesians 3:14–21). I pray He fills your home with the peace and rest He alone provides and that both you and your husband will rely on Him alone as your complete fulfillment.

      God’s blessings to you dear one,


  6. Posted by Kimberly Wagner

    Dear Hurting ~

    I am so sorry for the pain you must be experiencing because of your husband’s sinful choices. My heart breaks to hear your pain and know the desperation you’re experiencing. The sad reality is that a wife may do everything possible to exhibit godliness and Christ-like love to her husband without seeing any change in him or improvement in the relationship.

    I encourage you to find one or two spiritually mature women in your church to whom you can safely confide and ask them to help you navigate through this process biblically. I hope you are in a biblical church body and are receiving help and counsel from wise leaders who will pursue your husband’s heart. As much as I’d like to help you, responding through blog posts is a severely limited form of encouragement and accountability. But I pray God will use the words below to give you some direction.

    It is very difficult for me to write what I’m about to tell you, because I know it is much easier to express the beautiful “big picture” truth than to live it out in the messiness and sorrow of a situation like you are enduring—but the truth is, living out Scripture in this situation is going to require you doing the hard thing. The easy thing is to run, to pack up your bags and get out. That is what any of us would naturally want to do. But by doing that, what are you communicating about the reality of God and His ability to step into the darkest of places and bring radical transformation?

    Let me encourage you to consider God’s heart when it comes to the issue of reconciliation and then consider God’s ultimate purpose for the marital relationship.

    God’s heart is one of redemption. Although I am sinful and vile, He welcomes me back when I turn in repentance to Him. He is in the ministry of reconciling hearts to Himself. All marriages consist of two sinners. We are all in need of great mercy. Biblical counselors will provide varying responses to the question of separation, divorce, and remarriage. Multiple opinions abound.

    But one thing is true: none of us deserve God’s forgiveness, mercy, or blessing—yet He gives it. None of us deserve His commitment of fidelity, yet He is unrelenting in it. None of us deserve second chances, or His patience, yet He is long suffering with each of us.

    He has called us to display His character. He’s called us to demonstrate to our mates and to others His mercy, grace, truth, forbearance, patience, endurance and even joy in suffering (Colossians 3:12–19; Philippians 3:7–10; Ephesians 4:31–32).

    There are no pat answers or easy solutions. The truth is that God’s grace is sufficient for every need, but that doesn’t mean that every situation will result in a happy ending. When two individuals are willing to walk in a state of repentance and humility, depending on God’s grace in applying the truth of His Word to desperate situations—even then it takes much hard work and perseverance to overcome selfish tendencies and begin to reap the joy of a one-souled marriage. When only one mate is willing to work on the marriage, it may take years for the other mate to respond in kind—and perhaps he never will.

    God’s ultimate purpose for marriage is not our individual happiness—ultimately His purpose is for the world to see the gospel displayed (Ephesians 5:22-33). The amazing grace in all of it, however, is that when we establish the type of marital relationship described in this passage—we experience great joy and God receives great glory!

    With all of the above in mind, however we should never “pretend” that sinful acts are “okay” or ignore the sinful conduct of our husbands. That is not fulfilling the role of a godly wife. “Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:5–6).

    Scripture instructs us to humbly and lovingly confront the sin of a fellow believer—even if that believer is our husband, a brother in Christ (Galatians 6:1–2; Matthew 18:15–18). I don’t know whether your husband is a Christian, but if he is, here are a few general guidelines for wives when confrontation is necessary:

    1) Seek the Lord first. Spend time in prayer and the Word asking God for His direction and timing before confronting.

    2) Be sure your desire to confront stems from the motive of spiritual restoration for your husband, not in order to “fix things” more to your liking.

    3) Search your own heart to see if there are areas of sin that need to be confessed before God and perhaps to your husband (Matt. 7:5). As difficult as it will be, in order to confront your husband, you will need to extend the same grace and forgiveness to him that has been shown to you (Ephesians 4:31–32).

    4) Consider writing out your concerns in a letter. Most men do not respond well to emotional pleas, angry confrontations or impassioned exchanges. Putting things in a cordial written form is sometimes helpful in preventing that type of confrontation.

    5) Before confronting, release unrealistic expectations. Depend on the Holy Spirit to bring conviction, not your words. Determine that once you’ve voiced your concerns, you will leave this in the Lord’s hands.

    6) If your husband remains unrepentant in sin and that sin reaches a level that requires the intervention of spiritual leadership, you will need to follow the process of confrontation as outlined in Matthew 18:15-18.

    7) Do not enable your husband in his sin. Let him know that he should not make right choices out of fear of your reaction. He is responsible before God for his actions. After sincerely communicating this to him—allow him to reap the consequences of his own sin. No matter how difficult it is for you to watch—don’t bail him out.

    8) Diligently, specifically, and regularly intercede in prayer for your husband’s area of struggle. Do not talk to him about his sin more than you talk to God about it. After you’ve confronted him, give him time and space to repent while you go to the Lord with your concerns about the issue, rather than your husband.

    My prayer is that God will fill you with hope as He gives you a glimpse of what He can do. I pray that you will communicate openly, honestly and in loving humility, your heart to your mate. Please do not retreat to a world of self-pity and pain.

    No matter what your husband chooses to do, Christ is to be the center of your devotion and affections. Look to Him to fill your deepest needs.

    I pray that your mate will respond in receptivity and humility and with a willingness to make the hard choices of unselfishness and be willing to agree with you to go to whatever lengths are necessary in order to work toward reconciliation and establishing a Christ-centered love-filled marriage that reflects His character. I pray that he will completely cut off all sources of immorality.

    I pray that one day, we will hear of God’s miraculous intervention in, and supernatural provision for, your situation, which will bring great glory to Him and serve as a great witness to the power of the gospel.

    I (and hopefully other women who read your comment) am lifting up your marriage to the Lord in prayer. I’m unable to serve as a counselor or adviser for you, but can serve as an intercessor. I encourage you to seek biblical counsel within your church leadership.


    • Posted by Cynthia

      Dear Kimberly

      You are the most wonderful person that i pray God should bless endlessly, today you have uplifted me, you gave me hope, you are reminding me and all other wives, that we cannot do it on our own of which once we are facing problems in our marriage we tends to forget God, and look at our problems. My husband grew up with no religion and it was not important in his family, i showed him the way, for the past 11 years, but he has been tripping and tripping all the way. I pray that God can change me first and learn to forgive him completely and also be able to trust him again. I find it very difficult to try and love him, do what needs to be done by the wife to her husband and find out that he is not appreciating or even realising that i am trying my best, but keep on pushing you away and crush your heart. i just ask myself where is God? why did i have to meet this person in my life? and the answer i get form God is that i have to love my husband the way He loves me, i have to forgive him same way i was forgiven. I have asked him to go for counselling of which he agreed. I just pray to God that he doesn’t change and he doesn’t walk out from the session. i pray that my husband stop loving himself so much and forget about others. All the signs of narcissistic to be transformed into a loving and caring husband. I believe God very much and i pray that His aim i am in this situation could be fulfilled to complete His plans about my life and my marriage. i pray that i learn not to look at the problem as advised and look up to God. In the name of Jesus Christ i put my life my marriage in God’s hands. Amen


      • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

        Oh, dear Cynthia, I join you in your prayer–may your life and marriage be placed fully in God’s hands and for Him to bring transformation. I am so sorry for the pain you’ve experienced, but I am asking Him to do an Ephesians 3:20 work in your husband’s life and in your marriage!

        Blessings ~


  7. Posted by Diane Turner

    Hi Kimberly,

    This is Diane Turner from Dallas, we went to Westglen Baptist when you and LeRoy came to the church. I don’t know if you remember us or not, we had the little girl named Angie that had lost her leg to cancer before y’all came to the church. Angie died from cancer in 1990. I so enjoyed reading your article in the afaJournal. Chuck had left the article open for me when he had left this morning, I just thought he wanted me to read it to make “me” a better person for Jesus…… Little did I know that it was you! So good to hear that you two are doing great.

    God Bless you both,
    ~Diane Turner


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Diane ~

      Yes, we remember you! Thanks for connecting. Hope all is well with you all and that you are planted in a good church family.

      So sorry to hear about Angie, I know you miss her much. One day . . . one day, soon, we will have no more sorrow, suffering, or pain, and no more battle with our flesh and the enemy. One day soon, those of us who have a relationship with Christ will all be together, full of perfect love for Him and others, fully sanctified by His atoning grace.

      How much I long for that day!
      Blessings to you both ~


  8. Posted by John Doe

    Kimberly,
    I have just finished reading your “Fierce Women” book and have enjoyed it as I try to understand my relationship with my wife. As a male reader, I cannot tell you how many ways this book relates to me and my marriage. I feel as thought I could swap out our names and it would be about us. Unfortunately it resembles only your dark years and I continue to struggle with my marriage to this day.

    While I was not the most elaborate outgoing person when we got married, I have slowly crawled deep into my cave and become a milk toast husband and father. I understand that I have my own demons that I constantly battle and try to oppress and work on and I am happy to say non are every life threatening to my family. I have such a hard time communicating to my wife about anything and we have slowly become tolerable roommates in our home.

    My wife and I have never seen any counselors for our issues, mostly because my wife refuses to do so. She refuses to take any advice from me on marriage enhancement books, audio, or go to any Christian marriage seminars. Heck, she doesn’t even believe you need to go out on a date with husband.

    So my questions for you. How do I introduce this book to my wife without causing rife and even harder, having her read it and discuss with me how we can be a better husband and wife? She is a good Christian women and does many great things in the public eye. What I find odd is there are only two people that she treats with such disrespect and harsh treatment, me and her own mother. The two people she should find to be the most glorious and have joy from?

    I hope you can share how a good meaning husband can share your great book with his wife, and not be in the dog house, once again. Feel free to contact me via email off line, should you choose. Take Care.

    AKA: John Doe


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello “John Doe” ~

      My husband and I read your comment together and have prayed for you. We are so sorry to hear that you and your wife are in that painful place we once were.

      I often suggest to husbands or wives, to pull up our marriage video and invite the spouse to view it together. Sometimes just watching that video opens honest discussion that leads to recognition of wrong and personal confession. We also shared our story on the Revive Our Hearts radio program.

      I don’t know if your wife would find it offensive, but if you approached her humbly, tenderly, and stated your desire for both of you to listen and learn from our story, she might respond to your gracious appeal.

      You can go to the link below to see our marriage video:

      http://www.kimberlywagner.org/?p=180

      The link below takes you to the page on this site that has several radio programs listed. The first one in the list is the link to the radio series where we share our marriage story.

      http://www.kimberlywagner.org/?page_id=48

      Perhaps approaching her with these resources, with the idea that the two of you together can learn from them, she will be open to that, and later you can let her know you’ve found the book helpful and offer it to her. Marital problems are never the result of only one person’s choices, and she needs to hear you say you are willing to grow in your understanding of how to build a good relationship with her. If there are things you need to ask her forgiveness for, that is your starting place toward building a good relationship.

      I pray God brings you both to a place of tender dependence on the work of the Spirit and see God transform your relationship into the beautiful, joy-filled union He desires for you to experience!

      Blessings ~


      • Posted by Brad

        I am very much in his same situation. I am reading your book and connect very deeply with the retreat from communication because I fear my true feelings are not acceptable to her. We have been in serious trouble for 2 years, steady decline for at least 6 years prior to that and 20 years total in marriage.

        Just last night had yet another argument where she was calling me out for not having any “simple” conversations with her. How I never share anything about myself. I attempted to make a comparison for the simple fact of pointing out how hard it is for me to communicate. She hasn’t touched me, at least on purpose, for much of the two years. I pointed out how the wall she has up against me preventing her from touching me is the same thing as the wall I have against here that prevents me from getting into meaningful conversation. She simply denies they are the same, insists she is justified and I am not…

        I know we both stand in sin and yield to the power of satan with our walls. I’m desperate to tear down the walls, but can’t overcome her denial of any wrongs. She desperately wants me to communicate so she feels loved, yet when I do she doesn’t accept it, she accuses me of placating her to get out of trouble.

        I have created deep hurts in her, many connected to the sin of pornography that I believed was only affecting me…that I believed was her fault that I had to do it, that I believed was “just my sin to work on”. Over the last two years, I have come to a wonderful understanding of God’s grace, a horrible understanding of the truth of porn (get The Conquer Series), admitted my sin to my wife which made terrible a little worse and have matured in my walk with Christ beyond anything I have ever experienced before.

        We are each desperate to see a humbleness in the other. I am severely humbled but cannot bring myself to show it to her as I don’t believe she is humble at all–evidenced by her stance of being justified in shutting me out, but expecting full devotion in return.

        I believe if I could give her that devotion–and over months prove it’s authentic, she would soften. But as it is, she refuses counselling, refuses to listen to Family Life or Focus where I heard your story and cried… And refuses to read anymore “self help books”. I guess that’s all the long way around asking, how can I overcome the massive barriers between us to give her what she craves? How can I open up to her, when the wounds get deeper every time I try? How can I overcome my fears and pain to become the leader, father, husband I should be in the midst of feeling despised? –To which she would say, that’s not my fault you feel that way, that’s on you…like I said, I connect deeply with your book. Thank you for your openness.


        • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

          Hello, Brad ~

          My husband and I read your comment and prayed together for you and your wife. We are so very sorry for the pain that both of you are experiencing in your marriage. It is impossible to attempt to live in unity when there are so many barriers and wounds. But God is able to bring down those walls and do a healing work.

          We encourage you to ask God for the grace and courage to approach your wife for an honest conversation. Although she may not respond well, may say things that hurt you deeply, your motive for this conversation must be to see God glorified in your lives. As you humbly walk in obedience to God, seeking to honor Him, no matter how difficult it may be, He will provide you with the grace needed to function as the spiritual leader in your home and fulfill His calling on your life.

          Let her know about your fears, but ask her forgiveness for not serving her as a courageous husband, and being willing to hold conversations with her that allows her to understand your struggles. Your wife is probably deeply hurt by your porn use and it may take some time for her to be able to feel safe with you. You are hurting and she is hurting. But someone must break the cycle of pain.

          Consider leading your wife through a study of Colossians 3:12–19. Perhaps spread this over several weeks, reading the passage together, looking at commentaries that explain word meanings, and discussing what it would look like to apply this passage to your marriage. Be consistent and gently persistent in your commitment to spend time with her in prayer and study of God’s Word together. Take her by the hand and pray for her, voice your love and commitment to her through prayer, invite the Holy Spirit to bring whole ness and healing to your marriage.

          You might find our book to husbands helpful. It will be available in September 2016. But, bottom line, seek to walk in obedience to God’s word and love your wife as Ephesians 5:25–33 describes.

          May He bring lasting transformation and joy ~


  9. Posted by Sarah

    dear Kim,
    i am listening to your interview over at Revive our Hearts and i am slowly starting to have a little bit of hope. I need your prayers too. I feel like my story is just like yours in a lot of ways, but i am not as vocal – however my husband feels my bitterness. He is now ministering to young ladies who only see him as perfect, and i feel awful – like i have not been able to give him the affirmation he needs, and he is now getting it from these young ladies. I wanted to be part of his ministry but he is literally telling me to stay out of it, like he wants to be the only one – so hungry is he for the affirmation. I really don’t know what to do. I am hoping your book will help me – and then help us. Advice?


  10. Posted by Sarah

    also, how can i start to see his greatness and not just get upset at his faults, the things that only i know…and even his need for affirmation makes me sometimes feel like: why? why are you so seeking of approval from others? and it makes me sad, and it makes me feel like i have to compete with others to make him feel special. I have been told before that i need to act like i’m impressed with him; and i answered: but i’m not impressed by him…he doesn’t act the same at home as he does in public (so great, charming, impressive). I was told: you have to pretend, and just act. I forget to act…how can i spend my whole life acting and being fake? faking that i am impressed by him? Please help.


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello Sarah ~

      I am so sorry, I can hear your pain in these comments. Putting on an act and being fake is never the solution. obeying Scripture involves hard choices at times which may mean demonstrating self-control, kindness, or appreciation–when we don’t “feel” like demonstrating those character traits.

      I hope you will read “Fierce Women” and let me know if it is helpful. Also, please read my lengthy comment above to “Hurting” and consider whether some of these steps might be helpful to apply to your situation.

      Colossians 3 tells us some character traits we are to “put on” through the grace of God renewing our hearts and minds:

      “So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.

      Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.

      Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.” (Colossians 3:12–17).

      Pausing to pray for you and your marriage now, Sarah. May you see God do an Ephesians 3:20 type work!


  11. Dear Kim, I just wanted to thank you for the impact you had on my daughter(Chloe) today at the recording. I appreciate you taking the time to talk with her and making her feel important. Know that your story has impacted me and I am so touched by your willingness to share so that others can learn and know that their is hope through Jesus Christ to change us to be more like Him. Much love, Sarah


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Sarah!

      It was a joy to meet and be able to have lunch with both of you! It is so exciting for me to see young women like Chloe being exposed to truth and prepared to take a stand for Christ in their generation! Let her know I’ll be watching for her at TW 14! 🙂

      Much love to you both ~


  12. Posted by Blessed!!

    Hello Kim, I was forwarded your blog today about looking in the mirror and asking yourself if you are a true reflection of Christ. It spoke directly to my heart!! My wife and I have been married several years and have overcome so many challenging situations. Five years ago I told my wife that I wanted a divorce and asked her to leave my house. During this time I had an affair. 2 months into the affair I came to Christ through the influence of my wife, and accepted him as my Lord and Savior, and immediatly left the affair and came home. Since the affair life had been tough, and to be honest I am amazed that we are still together. I have seen myself compromise, and slip back into some of my old ways. I have felt beaten down by some of my wife’s actions in response to me since this affair. I thought I have been doing all that I could to earn trust, and reconcile our relationship. I wasn’t. I allowed myself to harbor feelings of resentment, and anger. And I struggle with pride and selfishness. I have turned this situation into “poor pitifilul me”. Though my wife is not perfect I feel like our marriage has fallen into this rut because of my lack of leadership. Recently our family has encountered a major tragedy in our fsmily. I cannot not discuss it at this time, but I will say that I felt betrayed when my wife accused me of something that I didn’t do. At that point I was done with our marriage and had made up my mind to divorce. Two days later my wife called me in the middle of the night, and I could hear the tears in her voice. She confessed to me that she had not been the wife that she should have been, and that she should not have accused me of anything. I was shocked!! My wife confessed feelings that she has had, and things that she had struggled with since the infidelity, and explained to me that she felt like she had pushed me away. These are things that I would have never thought that my wife would confess to me. Since this tragedy I have been in fervent prayer for my family, and my wife’s heart. God has officially blown my mind with the work he is doing in my marriage, through prayer, and your counsel. Kim, you have been counseling and praying with my wife on almost a daily basis through our situation and I would like to thank you. My wife and I have confessed things to each other that have prevented us from being “one” since the infidelity five years ago. Now my heart has done a complete 360 turn. The last thing I want is divorce, and I am so happy that she and I where able to talk. Confess, and commit to change in our relationship. I know that she has read your book, and both of us know you and Leroy’s story. I want you and Leroy to know how thankful I am to have you both in my family’s life, and how thankful I am that you have been so comitted to praying for and walking us through this situation. God is working in my life, in my wife’s life, and in our marriage. My wife and I are now planning to reunite, and make a commitment to changes that will allow us to have a better relationship than we have ever had. I love my wife with all of my heart and I am so happy that through prayer The Lord has given us the strength to move forward. However, currently we are still dealing with the tragedy that I mentioned previously and are patiently waing for the dust to settle from that. I see that God can work miracles even during the storms of our lives. Please continue to pray for my wife and I during all of this. Thank you again.


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Blessed ~

      “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”

      We continue to pray for the gracious display of God’s glory in this situation. Praising the Lord for all He has done and will do. Thank you for sharing, I hope it will encourage others who are struggling with issues of unforgiveness or need to confess sin to their mate. We miss out on what God desires to do when we are unwilling to confess and repent, but He is always ready to move and work when we respond to His truth!

      Praying for His light and truth to lead you (Ps. 43:3)


  13. Posted by JT

    Dear Kim,
    I am desperate and angry… I keep finding my husband watching porn on the Internet… all the 5 years of our marriage I’ve keep finding this. I just read your chapter 5 of Fierce Women. No matter how I respond to my husband, it’s always the same: he ultimately doesn’t see porn is morally wrong (at least it doesn’t seem so). If I try to talk to him about it or share how much it hurts me, he just justifies what he’s watching, saying it’s no worse than “Titanic”… he doesn’t truly see it as a sin. He only feels sorry for getting caught and for my reaction. I don’t know what to do! He even looks at questionable material when I or our babies are present!
    Sometimes he asks, why don’t you be my friend, or why don’t you help me, but how am I supposed to be a sympathizing friend to someone who doesn’t admit anything’s wrong except my blow-ups??
    I was looking at Focus on the Family’s recommendation on Net Nanny for Internet filtering, but is that wise for an adult (seems like it’s geared to protect kids)?
    I don’t know what to do… I just caught him a few hours ago and I lashed out at him the worst I ever have in my life… what do I do? Where is God?


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Dear JT,

      I am so very sorry for the pain you are experiencing because of your husband’s sinful choices. My heart breaks to hear your situation and know the desperation you’re experiencing. Trust, me, God is at work even when you can’t see it (John 5:17). The sad reality is that a wife may do everything possible to exhibit godliness and Christ-like love to her husband without seeing any change in him or improvement in the relationship.

      I encourage you to find one or two spiritually mature women in your church to whom you can safely confide and ask them to help you navigate through this process biblically. I hope you are in a biblical church body and are receiving help and counsel from wise leaders who will pursue your husband’s heart. As much as I’d like to help you, responding through blog posts is a severely limited form of encouragement and accountability. But I pray God will use the words below to give you some direction.

      It is very difficult for me to write what I’m about to tell you, because I know it is much easier to express the beautiful “big picture” truth than to live it out in the messiness and sorrow of a situation like you are enduring—but the truth is, living out Scripture in this situation is going to require you doing the hard thing. The easy thing is to lash out in anger, but James tells us that our sinful anger actually prevents God’s righteous work (James 1:19–20). That is what any of us would naturally want to do. But by doing that, what are you communicating about the reality of God and His ability to step into the darkest of places and bring radical transformation?

      All marriages consist of two sinners. We are all in need of great mercy. None of us deserve God’s forgiveness, mercy, or blessing—yet He gives it. None of us deserve His commitment of fidelity, yet He is unrelenting in it. None of us deserve second chances, or His patience, yet He is long suffering with each of us.

      He has called us to display His character. He’s called us to demonstrate to our mates and to others His mercy, grace, truth, forbearance, patience, endurance and even joy in suffering (Colossians 3:12–19; Philippians 3:7–10; Ephesians 4:31–32).

      There are no pat answers or easy solutions. The truth is that God’s grace is sufficient for every need, but that doesn’t mean that every situation will result in a happy ending. When two individuals are willing to walk in a state of repentance and humility, depending on God’s grace in applying the truth of His Word to desperate situations—even then it takes much hard work and perseverance to overcome selfish tendencies and begin to reap the joy of a one-souled marriage. When only one mate is willing to work on the marriage, it may take years for the other mate to respond in kind—and perhaps he never will.

      God’s ultimate purpose for marriage is not our individual happiness—ultimately His purpose is for the world to see the gospel displayed (Ephesians 5:22-33). The amazing grace in all of it, however, is that when we establish the type of marital relationship described in this passage—we experience great joy and God receives great glory!

      With all of the above in mind, however we should never “pretend” that sinful acts are “okay” or ignore the sinful conduct of our husbands. That is not fulfilling the role of a godly wife. “Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:5–6).

      Scripture instructs us to humbly and lovingly confront the sin of a fellow believer—even if that believer is our husband, a brother in Christ (Galatians 6:1–2; Matthew 18:15–18). I don’t know whether your husband is a Christian, but if he is, here are a few general guidelines for wives when confrontation is necessary:

      1) Seek the Lord first. Spend time in prayer and the Word asking God for His direction and timing before confronting.

      2) Be sure your desire to confront stems from the motive of spiritual restoration for your husband, not in order to “fix things” more to your liking.

      3) Search your own heart to see if there are areas of sin that need to be confessed before God and perhaps to your husband (Matt. 7:5). As difficult as it will be, in order to confront your husband in a godly and biblical manner, you will need to extend the same grace and forgiveness to him that has been shown to you (Ephesians 4:31–32).

      4) Consider writing out your concerns in a letter. Most men do not respond well to emotional pleas, angry confrontations or impassioned exchanges. Putting things in a cordial written form is sometimes helpful in preventing that type of confrontation.

      5) Before confronting, release unrealistic expectations. Depend on the Holy Spirit to bring conviction, not your words. Determine that once you’ve voiced your concerns, you will leave this in the Lord’s hands.

      6) If your husband remains unrepentant in sin and that sin reaches a level that requires the intervention of spiritual leadership, you will need to follow the process of confrontation as outlined in Matthew 18:15-18.

      7) Do not enable your husband in his sin. Let him know that he should not make right choices out of fear of your reaction. He is responsible before God for his actions. After sincerely communicating this to him—allow him to reap the consequences of his own sin. No matter how difficult it is for you to watch—don’t bail him out.

      8) Diligently, specifically, and regularly intercede in prayer for your husband’s area of struggle. Do not talk to him about his sin more than you talk to God about it. After you’ve confronted him, give him time and space to repent while you go to the Lord with your concerns about the issue, rather than your husband.

      My prayer is that God will fill you with hope as He gives you a glimpse of what He can do. I pray that you will communicate openly, honestly and in loving humility, your heart to your mate. Please do not retreat to a world of self-pity and pain.

      No matter what your husband chooses to do, Christ is to be the center of your devotion and affections. Look to Him to fill your deepest needs.

      I pray that your mate will respond in receptivity and humility and with a willingness to make the hard choices of unselfishness and be willing to agree with you to go to whatever lengths are necessary in order to work toward reconciliation and establishing a Christ-centered love-filled marriage that reflects His character. I pray that he will completely cut off all sources of immorality.

      I pray that one day, we will hear of God’s miraculous intervention in, and supernatural provision for, your situation, which will bring great glory to Him and serve as a great witness to the power of the gospel.

      I (and hopefully other women who read your comment) am lifting up your marriage to the Lord in prayer. I’m unable to serve as a counselor or adviser for you, but can serve as an intercessor. I encourage you to seek biblical counsel from your church leadership.

      I’m praying for you now, JT ~


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Dear JT ~

      I hope you read the reply I left below. I also want to encourage you to check out Pure Life Ministries. They have a great website with many helpful resources and articles. It would be wonderful if your husband would read some of their articles and view the videos, but even if he isn’t interested, I think you can benefit from their information.

      This is the link to their site:

      http://www.purelifeministries.org/home

      Praying for you ~


  14. Posted by Lori Novak

    Greetings Kimberly,

    We met several weeks ago in Sugarland, I have the middle two girls with red hair and the boy who ignored you? First, I have NEVER blogged before. Not that comfortable…Second, I am reading you book, thank you. But, coffee-slurping death? Really? It has been nagging at me because he LOVES to spend everywhere with me including quiet time together…I’ll keep reading and the coffee thing is a real hindrance. I am a fierce women, not as fierce as I once was in corporate America. So much has changed since devouring Lies in 1999. Long way to go, though. Much to share with you regarding your book.
    Blessings,
    Lori Novak


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello Lori ~

      Absolutely I remember you and your beautiful family! So glad that you all were able to come out to the Revive Tour and experience that . . . I’m so excited about how God may use this tour as Jesus’ name is exalted across our nation.

      I’m glad you’re reading Fierce Women and sorry the coffee thing is nagging you. My point in that section was that there are a lot of things we can “let go” rather than discouraging our husbands by being picky or criticizing them.

      I’m pasting below the section you mentioned:

      “In marriage, as in life, there are many “die-to-self” moments along the way where you choose to let the little stuff go. Like when he keeps you awake with his loud snoring through the night and then slurps his coffee in the mornings; presents you with a skillet instead of jewelry for your anniversary; neglects your honey-do list (again); skips a Saturday of antiquing with you to play golf with his buddies instead.

      These are the small, daily opportunities to practice the kind of dying I talked about that true love requires. It takes intentionality and discipline to say to yourself, “Okay, get in line here—this is a die to self moment!” And you’ll fail if you try to do it in your own strength. You’ve got to invite God to pour His grace into the situation.”

      My point was that we have many opportunities in marriage to “die to self” by releasing our husband from our expectations. It is practicing dying to self . . . which is what the call to follow Christ entails, although it will look different for you maybe than for another woman. Some men cave under a wife’s criticism, some are not affected as much, but still we are called to live out the traits described in Colossians 3:12–18 and to do that, requires: “Putting to death . . . what is earthly in you . . .” (v. 5) and putting on the new self.

      I’m delighted to hear that your husband loves to spend time with you, you are blessed. I counsel so many women who do not have that kind of marriage and much of the focus in Fierce Women is geared toward helping women rebuild a relationship that has crumbled due (in some part) to her treatment of, or response to, her husband.

      So glad to hear how your life was impacted by Lies Women Believe. I highly recommended and often share it with others. It is a tremendous resource!

      Please send my greetings to your children–such a joy to meet all of them!


  15. Kim, I was so much like you and had the same journey you did, and wrote about it in my book, The God Empowered Wife. My greatest joy is working with women to help them experience what you and I and others have: that God’s Word is really true, and that through trusting in it we will have the greatest joy. It is so amazing to me how God is moving in the lives of women around the world, drawing them to a deeper understanding of His plan for marriage, and blessing them in miraculous ways when their hearts are changed. Thank you so much for sharing your testimony. God bless you and your ministry, Karen (Houston)


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Thank you, Karen, for connecting here. I love hearing testimonies like yours! May God continue to bless you and give you a fruitful ministry for His glory!


  16. Posted by Jamie

    Dearest Kim,
    I can’t say thank you enough for how you have helped me through a difficult marriage! Thank you! My husband was verbally and emotionally abusive and I was in such pain and desperate for God to work and He did, praise the Lord. I ran into you last year at the conference and you prayed for me in the hallway after I explained a little of my situation. That moment will forever be ingrained in my brain, you are a true woman. That time was so precious to me and then I came home and read “Fierce Woman” and well, thank you again. The section in the back where you gave advice on what to do in an abusive situation like mine, gave me the courage to seek professional counseling and to prepare to make drastic demands and steps in order to help him see his sin. Oh sister, I could go on and on. I give all the praise and glory to our Lord and Savior but He used you to bring His word into my life so I thank you for everything. Thank you for speaking the truth into so many lives. Thank you for being real and truly caring for me in a moment of utter desperation, it was the lowest and most painful time in my life and you were there to show God’s love and give me a hug, a hug from our Father in a time of need. You were literally the hands of the Lord at that moment. God had to change a LOT of me first, and that is just what He did. He refined me, changed me, taught me a lot of lessons and prepared me for this moment, the moment where He was able to change my husband’s life. He no longer speaks harshly to me or the children, he is leading family worship, he is eager to go to church and weekly functions, he went to a parenting conference and bought materials, he is growing. Praise the Lord. Please pray that we will continue to grow in the Lord and that we will be able to bond now after so much hurt and pain. Pray that God will restore what the locusts have eaten and that we will be able to enjoy God first and then each other as God desires. Again Kim, thank you so much for everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Wow, Jamie ~

      I don’t know how I missed your comment (from over a month ago!!), but I’m just now reading it. I hope you return to see this or that our site administrator can retrieve your email address and pass this on to you personally.

      I am so encouraged to read how God has worked in your life! I am praising the Lord with you!! He is truly amazing, isn’t He?

      I am pausing now to pray for God’s sustaining grace and continued work in your lives. Please stay in touch and continue to give me updates about what God is doing and how He continues to grow you in Him.

      “Blessed be His glorious name forever; And may the whole earth be filled with His glory.” Psalm 72:19

      Thank you for taking the time to share how God is at work filling the earth with His glory through your lives! I love it!!!

      Blessings dear friend ~


  17. Posted by Terry

    Hi Kim
    I heard you on Family Life Today and you really spoke to my heart. I, too, am caught in this same trap after years of marriage and I don’t know how to change anything. I am going to get your book, but is there anything else I can do….is there a way I contact you and other women to discuss this? I feel truly overwhelmed….I know this is something I HAD to hear before I continue doing this. Please let me know what else I need to do….I am in shock when the realization came to me that I have been doing this all along without seeing it.
    Thank you for being transparent and sharing your story,
    Terry


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello Terry ~

      I am so sorry to hear about the cycle of pain you’re currently experiencing, but let me encourage you . . . God can bring a beautiful transformation, He can set you and your husband free to know and love one another in a deeper way than you can imagine. I’m pasting a link below to a blog article that has some resources embedded in it that I think you will find helpful. You might consider sharing some of those resources with your husband (the radio interview with my husband and me and watching our marriage video together). If you read the blog post it gives more of an explanation.

      Because of time constraints with the amount of responsibilities I have, I am unable to respond personally to every contact, but I would like to hear back from you after you’ve read the book and applied the content. Please just leave a comment here, or send an email through the website and I will respond. I am praying that you will have many of your questions answered and see God begin working in your marriage soon after you use some of the resources in the book and the blog article below:

      http://www.kimberlywagner.org/?p=458

      I’m pausing to pray for you now, Terry, asking God to do an Eph. 3:20 type work in your marriage:

      Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

      God’s blessings to you ~


  18. Posted by Michael

    Kim, thank you for your being transparent. For many years I have been in bondage with lifes struggles in our marriage. I was given the exact blueprint as you and your husband. I pastored a church but stepped down for much the same reason. I have not had the words to convey concerning it all, I just new one day I would recieve a revelation as to why. I was listening to Focus on the family and you were giving your testimony and just as bread from Heaven a light came on and life has been easier for me every since that program.
    I was driving along in my vehicle and I had to pull over, the tears were flowing like water. After I composed myself I had to hear more about your story. I have to publicly tell you thank you for sharing with the world. I know it’s women that are your audiance, but I’ve been looking for an answer for such a long time. I needed to know that I was not alone with what was happening in our marriage.
    After picking up the book and reading just a few chapters and with each turn of the pages my story continued to unfold. ( no disrespect you but thank you)Each page unfolded all the feeling and hurts I have experienced. I have a new out look on our marriage, I have been faced with the “D” word, but greater is he that’s within me than he that’s in the world.
    May God’s Richest Blessing be upon you and your ministry.


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello Michael,

      I am so sorry for the struggles you’ve experienced in your marriage, but I am thankful for God’s ability to step into any situation and bring radical transformation. I’m pasting the link below to a post I hope you’ll read and consider inviting your wife to read with you. I hope both of you will go to the various resources I mention in the post through the embedded links. I pray you will courageously step up to the plate to lead your wife (no matter how difficult). You might consider reading Tony Evan’s book: “Kingdom Man.”

      I’m pausing to pray for your marriage now ~


  19. Posted by Learning

    Just read Michael’s post from July 20, 2013. At least I know there are three (the Wagner’s, Michael and myself, all pastors)that are men that have faced almost the exact same things in life. I know with God all things are possible but I am having to come to the realization that I need to grow up and accept the fact that this is just the way it is going to be. Wished it could be different but not realistic. Learning to love my wife like Christ loved the church and died for her. A daily event. Listened to and downloaded every interview from Moody, Family Life Today and Revive our Hearts. Wished she would listen without it becoming a confrontation. I know I have contributed but it is much easier to withdraw and remain silent. I have tried to work on myself for the past 25-30 years, 30 years of ministry, and in 19 years of marriage, still don’t have it right. It is not just me that can’t do anything right, our son is feeling the same thing. But as long as God is on the throne, there is still a hope and a future. Does your husband take calls? (Not for sure if this needs to be posted). Thanks for listening.


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Learning ~

      I am so sorry to know that you and your wife have struggled for so long. I hope you’ve found some of the radio programs helpful. I understand your fear of sharing this with your wife, but truly, she needs (and deep down wants) you to step up to the plate of leadership and lovingly talk with her about the issues in your marriage. I encourage you to lead her in a study that will allow the two of you to discuss the root issues.

      Perhaps use the Peacemaker book (I have a recommendation and some information about the book here: http://www.kimberlywagner.org/?cat=3).

      Also, I hope you’ll read this blog post and consider sharing it with her: http://www.kimberlywagner.org/?p=2585

      Deep down, every woman wants a strong leader, a tender warrior, for a husband. I hope you’ll read Tony Evan’s book: “Kingdom Man.”

      I hope you and your wife have some solid friendships with couples who will speak truth into your lives. It is so important to have people in your lives who will model spiritual maturity and come alongside you as you work at implementing the truths of Scripture. I am so sorry for the pain you are now experiencing, but I pray that God will do such a work of transformation in your marriage that it will impact you, your son, and all who know you.

      I’m pausing to pray for your marriage now ~


  20. Posted by Rita

    Kim,
    I was wondering about permission to copy the PDF you provide on the website for the Characteristics of a Beautifully Fierce Woman/Destructive Fierce Woman. I am doing a session in a study on Biblical Womanhood and will be recommending your book. However, I would like to hand out copies of this PDF as a reference for the session. If this is a possibility, can you tell me what I need to do to gain permission to make copies. Thanks so much and thanks for putting your journey out there to help so many!


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello Rita ~

      Yes, you have permission. I’m so glad you’re involved in discipling women! I hope you’ll let me know how the women respond to the study. I’ve heard of several women who’ve used the book as a group study, you might consider that as well.

      For His Glory ~


      • Posted by Rita

        Kim,
        Thank you so much! We have over 400 women involved in our current study on Biblical Womanhood and I have already recommended your book to our Women’s Ministry leaders to offer to our women, possibly in the spring! I so appreciate the way you lift up the Word of God and it’s power to change hearts and lives! To God be the Glory!


  21. Posted by Peggy

    Kim, I have the privilege of directing our Women’s Ministry. We are currently doing the TW 101 Study this fall but have ordered your book and will be promoting Fierce Woman for our winter term. I have your testimony on DVD from resources I received through TW. It is powerful and I’m sure will encourage ladies to attend the study.
    I also want to encourage our single and young women to attend. I was wondering if you have a paragraph promoting the study that would apply more to them since they are not married. I know much of your book can apply to those women as well and I want to encourage them to be a part of the study too.
    May God continue to bless your marriage and ministry!
    Peggy Campbell


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello Peggy ~

      I’m so glad to hear that you’ll be using Fierce Women for your winter study. I hope you’ll let me know how God uses it in women’s lives. I just spoke at a conference this past weekend where many young single women came up to me (after the session on “Fierce Women”) and told me how much they appreciated hearing the content before entering marriage. We give this book out to couples in our church who are doing pre-marital counseling and encourage the bride and groom both to read it together!

      “Fierce Women: The Power of a Soft Warrior” addresses the destructive components that plague many male/female relationships–whether it be a mother relating to her adult son, a woman with male coworkers, sibling or parental relationships. The book helps women understand why God created them with fierce strengths. Being a strong woman is God’s idea and He is delighted when we use the fierceness He’s placed within us to fulfill His great plan for our lives!

      “Fierce Women” also provides clarity for how and why these strengths can often intimidate men or bring conflict in relationships. The book provides practical help for breaking out of the “fierce woman/fearful man” cycle.

      I hope you can use some of this information (above) to encourage single women to attend the study, but also you are welcome to download and print the PDF that provides a contrast of the Destructive VS. Beautiful Fierce Woman (and that applies whether married or single).

      This is the link to the PDF:
      http://www.kimberlywagner.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Fierce-Woman-Characteristics_final2.pdf

      Sorry to take so long in replying ~

      I’m looking forward to hearing how the study goes!


  22. Posted by Katie

    Dear Kim,

    I attended the True Woman Conference you spoke at this past weekend in St. Petersburg, FL. The teachings about Defining Biblical Womanhood were very encouraging, and put being a Godly woman into a different perspective for me. And im looking forward to applying your teachings to my marriage.
    Im not sure if you remember me, but we briefly spoke about my struggle with condemnation from things that happened in my past and how I blame myself for the outcome. We were interrupted and I was hoping to be able to finish our conversation. Is there another formatt we can communicate on, or do you prefer your blog?

    In Christ,
    -Katie


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Wow, Katie ~

      I don’t know how I missed your note here. I feel awful. The site administrator is trying to track down your email address for me, but if you read this, please reply. I do remember you well and have prayed for you. Would love to connect again.

      Pausing to pray for you now ~


      • Posted by Katie

        Thank you for the response. No need to feel bad…I wasn’t offended in the least. And I look forward to connecting with you again 🙂


  23. Posted by Sarah

    dear Kim
    i really need your advice. my husband and i had a good marriage, i think we still do. but he always seeks admiration from outside the marriage. i admit i don’t admire him with starry eyes the way i used to,and with his charm and wonderful personality, others – mainly women – are easily charmed and do admire him that way. which obviously makes him feel good.
    instead of rising to the challenge to compete with these women for my rightful role and place, something just turns off in me completely when i see this dynamic. i feel so sickened, so distraught, so useless, and i just freeze up and none of my sweetness can come out and i feel totally unable to express love or affection, let alone admiration. i feel like he’s not mine. i feel sidelined and pushed away.
    what can i do? can you help me?


  24. Posted by Sarah

    and i also wonder where on earth can i get the energy needed to overcome this negative feeling i have of having lost my singlemost important role – ie. that others are taking it and fulfilling it now – and also to even give him admiration, and use all the methods women use to make a man feel manly? i am exhausted Kim; i work full time, i clean home, and i am also very very stressed out by my husband always wanting to be surrounded by praise and admiration from other females in our congregation. it really bugs me! truth be told, i feel let down and dissappointed. i know i’m not perfect but i try so hard to serve my husband, rarely speak a cross word, but inside, i’m feeling neglected and low.


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello Sarah ~

      I am so sorry, I know this is hard. Knowing how our husbands need our admiration and thrive on our demonstration of appreciation, I encourage you to cry out to God for grace in showing your husband love in this way. But, I also hope you’ll consider having a gracious and humble conversation with him expressing your concerns over his receiving attention from other women. Although it may be innocent on his part, it can be dangerous.

      Is there a spiritually mature couple that the two of you could talk with about this? It might be helpful for your husband to hear their perspective on this issue. Also, consider some of the points in the blog post below:

      http://www.kimberlywagner.org/?p=3345

      I’m pausing now to pray for you and your husband, Sarah. May you see a renewal of love and a deepening of unity in your marriage. I pray that God will give you both a gentle and gracious spirit as you interact with one another.

      “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”
      Romans 12:9–12)


      • Posted by Desperate wife

        Hi Kim, I have a similar problem. Currently I am reading Fierce Women, I love it and I can see that god is talking to me through I am a bit confused thou, I can see that my husband is complaining about a lot of the stuff you are talking about, I can see that I can be controlling sometimes but not all the times. I guess last year was the worst, I find him very attracted to a friend of mine that started to work with him, as the big boss he taught her and guided her a lot, she looks up to him, and I think that makes him more attracted to her (I really love and respect my husband but he does not see that, he believes that I don’t respect him and belittle him all the time). I begged him at the beginning to avoid the one to one for hours, as they were driving together for 5 hours a day but he saw that as a mistrust from my part and controlling him even in his work environment. After begging I started lashing and fighting, our relationship is at its bottom now (we have been married for 23years) God opened my eyes that I am losing him more by my treatment, but I can’t control my feelings I would keep silent for so many and than I will just lash out at an incident. I am so sad and hurt and he believes that he is not doing anything wrong, and being so close as a friend to her is not a problem at all as long as his feelings are pure. We go to a christian counselor but I don’t think it is helping at all. lately he cries a lot and say that he can’t fight for our marriage any more, the problem is I can’t either. I get so hurt they way he looks at her, hugs her, laughs at her jokes, …. He just feels it bottoms down to me not trusting him and belittling him, I tried to ask him to pray together to go out in dates together but he can’t pray and we are always to busy to do anything alone but when it comes to this group of friends we have time. She is married and he says his husband is his best friend so he claims that I don’t want to be friend with him when I as that we don’t do stuff as couples. We go to the same church, same small group and they work together everyday in the same office. I keep praying to God to free me from my insecurities, and to make me fall in love with Him so I won’t be desperately seeking my husband’s attention but He did not answer my prayers yet. My husband used to watch pron online but God freed him, I caught him doing that few month ago and he said that it was because of me as he was too hurt from me, he does not see that he is addicted so he does not see that it is a big sin now as he does not do it all the time.
        Thanks so much for your book, for your prayer and for letting me vent through this blog.


        • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

          Oh, precious friend, I am so very sorry. I can only imagine how deeply painful this work situation and the division between you and your husband is. First of all, I hope your counselor is giving you both some biblical solutions and dealing with the heart issues involved. Your husband is making some dangerous choices by spending so much time with another woman, even if it is work-related. Sadly, you cannot change his heart and cause him to see the foolishness of this choice.

          Have you and your husband approached anyone who is in spiritual leadership in your church and asked for help? If you are in a healthy, biblical church body, I hope you will seek their help. It is important for both you and your husband to recognize the destructive patterns of behavior and sin that are contributing to your marital problems and receive help and accountability to reverse course.

          God delights in restoring and repairing the most broken relationships. I pray that God will step into your situation to do what looks impossible now, because nothing is impossible with Him!

          Praying for you now!!
          Eph. 3:20


          • Posted by Desperate wife

            It is me again. I am sorry to bother you again but I have no other to go to. I am struggling with letting go of the small things, giving my husband a space to lead, putting myself down and letting my husband text, go out for lunch, befriend this lady. Also I want to leave the room for him to choose where we go for church, spending the thanksgivings, all our social outings but his always includes this lady and her family, if I go, I really get hurts when I see how he responds to her, if not I would be not letting myself down and still controlling in a way, besides our kids would like to be with theirs and I feel I am selfish not to go (he tells me that too in a way or another). I am really confused and can’t tell if I am still asking for control or for a healthy boundaries…


  25. Posted by Katie Wing

    This is Katie I met you
    Last weekend and
    I wanted you to know I really Enjoyed you!
    I also wanted to know if you
    Could pray for my friend and her family
    And for healing for them they have lost many
    Family members over two weeks and my friend
    Was very close to them and she is really hurting
    I’m worried because she is angry at God
    And I do not want her to lose her faith


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello Katie ~

      Good to hear from you! It was such a joy to meet all of the women at that event. Such a blessing to see God at work!

      I’m sorry to hear about your friend’s situation. Loss is always difficult and hard to grapple with, even when we have a solid understanding of God’s goodness and His sovereignty it can be so painful. I’ll have some posts on the website next week that your friend might find helpful, and you might consider passing on to her.

      Pausing to pray for you and this situation now, friend ~


  26. Posted by Hopeless & Scared

    Dear Kim
    I have followed and listened to your story via the ROH podcast last week.
    I am also a PW. My husband and I have been married for 11 years now, serving in ministry for 6 years. We were high school sweethearts, and I remember a time when I could see the affection and love for me in my husband’s eyes.
    For a long time, possibly for the last 4 / 5 years, I suspected that my husband didn’t love me anymore and that he was merely still married to me because of his obligation as a godly Christian man. I could not “prove” that he didn’t love me, because most days he was still the perfect gentlemen I knew him to be. But I knew that somewhere along the line, things changed for the worst.
    After listening to you and Leroy, I realized that that was exactly us. I come from a very critical family, and from day one, I had brought that bad habit into our marriage. I have been so critical of my husband in so many different aspects, I realize now that I may have just broken him.
    I have been trying for so long now to “fix” things and to make him fall in love with me again. But I realize that all this time I was trying to fix him. The prayers I have prayed, the readings I insisted we do, were all to change him and his heart for me, instead of me asking God to work with me and to change me and my heart for my husband.
    I realize that I need to apologize and ask my husband for forgiveness, but I have no idea how to do that. Where do I start? What do I say to him? Please help me…
    I feel so hopeless. I think my husband will just reject my efforts anyway… I am so scared…


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Dear Hopeless and Scared ~

      I am so very sorry, I remember so well being at that point. I was fearful that it was too late, I was afraid of my husband’s reaction to my confession, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to change . . . the fear was paralyzing. I want to encourage you to step out in faith. Confession of sin is the first step. Spend some time seeking God in prayer, writing out specific ways that you can see you’ve sinned against God and your husband. Ask God to show you specific things you need to ask his forgiveness of and share that with him.

      If you listened to the ROH broadcast alone, you might consider listening to it again with your husband and ask him to share his heart with you, to let you know what ways he might be able to relate to our story. You can pull it up online at Revive Our Hearts. Share with your husband that you now recognize ways you’ve harmed him, how you’ve been critical and unkind. Ask his forgiveness.

      Also, it might be helpful for both of you to view our marriage video together. Just click on the Video tab above and watch the video entitled: Marriage Miracle.”

      Also, Revive Our Hearts has a helpful tool: The 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge. You can find it here:

      http://www.reviveourhearts.com/store/product/30-days-encouraging-your-husband-journal/

      Do you have the book, “Fierce Women”? I think you would find much in that book that could be helpful. I tell more of our story there, but also give a lot of practical suggestions for building a united relationship. Also, there are several blog posts on this website that you might find helpful. If you put your email address in the “subscribe” box in the upper left column, you’ll receive a blog post from me Monday through Friday in your email inbox.

      If you don’t have a copy of “Fierce Women: The Power of a Soft Warrior” please let me know and I would like to send you a gift copy.

      Praying that God will restore your hope and fill you with faith for what He can do in your marriage. May you see Him perform an Ephesians 3:20 work!

      Blessings dear one ~


  27. Posted by Hopefully & Loved by God

    Hi Kim

    Thank you for responding to me.

    I am so overwhelmed this morning as I read your response. I was really feeling hopeless and scared… Tossing and turning through the night, trying to decide whether I should even attempt anything to try to salvage my marriage. I spent yesterday in turmoil, asking God for His clear direction, even to a point where I thought He was no longer listening to me, that my situation was indeed hopeless and that my husband and I should just pursue life apart.
    Then this morning as I read your response, I started feeling like I had some direction of how to start this process. I could sense God speaking to me, in your words to me.

    Then as I opened my devotional to this morning’s lesson – God spoke to me again, through the illustration portrayed by the woman who wrote it. He reminded me of His love for me even though I don’t deserve His love. He reminded me that He doesn’t have a checklist of acceptable behavior or acceptable people to love, He loves us all the same. He loves me in my sinful state, He loves my husband too. And I am to love my husband with His love, not my sinful form of love. God led me to Jeremiah 31:3 and then topped it off with Isaiah 43:4-5… where He has assured me not to be afraid… He is with me.
    I know now that I should pursue reconciliation with my husband. God has assured me He will be with me… He had even given me some practical ways, through your reply to me, before I had even read His promise.

    I have downloaded the 30 day encouragement challenge as suggested, as well as the podcasts I listened to. I will be following your advice with those too. My husband is away at the moment, needless to say, we did not part very well… But I am preparing my heart, using your advice, to be able to ask His forgiveness when He returns at the end of the week.

    I do not have your book. I actually tried to enquire about it at our local Christian book store, but they did not have it in stock. It seems they import the book as they receive orders for it. It then actually works out to be quite an expensive exercise from my side of the world, and I would only receive it within 3 to 4 months. If you are able to send me a copy, even if only in e-book form, I would greatly appreciate it.

    I thank you, Kim for allowing God to use you in such a mighty way. It was certainly no accident that I came across your podcasts on ROH.

    No longer hopeless and scared…


  28. Posted by Kimberly Wagner

    Hello “Hopefully and Loved by God”

    You are indeed loved by God and have great reason for hope! I would love to send you a gift copy of “Fierce Women.” The site administrator will connect with you by email. Please provide her with mailing information and we will send you a copy of the book.

    I am so glad to hear how God is speaking to you. Be encouraged, as you humble yourself and seek to glorify God, He will provide you with the grace needed for this situation (James 4:6). I’m thankful you are preparing to use the Husband Encouragement resource. Let me warn you, it will be hard. But anything that causes us to depend more fully on God is a good thing. Anything that requires humility will bear the fruit of God’s grace.

    Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)

    Praying this for you my friend ~


  29. Posted by Clinging to Hope

    Dear Kimberly,
    My husband and I listened to your interview on ROH. Like others who have commented here, we are in the midst of a familiar journey but are filled with hope that Jesus heals. I am a “fierce woman” who was saved several years before him, so our children endured an unequally-yoked home, and I did not silently sit by when he did not protect them from the evils in the world. Added to that was my childhood riddled with sexual abuse at the hands of my grandfather, and my husband’s wandering eyes and heart for the first 28 years of our marriage. In the last year, he has repented and wants to be a committed husband. I forgive him but am struggling to fully trust him and to be vulnerable physically. I have used control to keep him away from me. I want to love with Jesus’ love and hope your book (which I just purchased) will help me to put the reigns down and trust Jesus, and in so doing, re-claim my part in the marriage.


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello “Clinging to Hope” ~

      I am so sorry for the painful events of your past, but I’m hopeful for your future. I’m thankful that we are never so far gone that God’s redeeming power can not rescue! He is at work in your life. I hope you’ll find the book helpful as you work toward a season of rebuilding in your marriage. The fact that your husband has repented is huge. I hope you are connected to a biblical church body that can serve as a network of help to you through this season. You might also seek out an older godly couple who might serve in a mentoring role for you right now.

      I hope you’ll stay connected here and let us know how God is at work. Also, if you haven’t signed up to receive my daily blog posts, I hope you’ll put your email address in the “Subscribe” box in the upper left column so you can get some daily encouragement from me 🙂

      Pausing to pray for you and your marriage, now (Eph. 3:20–21)!


  30. Posted by Leanne

    Hi Kim,

    It’s been such a blessing to read your blog when I have a chance and to have heard you on Revive Our Hearts this past week. You sounded quite burdened and weary as you spoke about clinging to the word in the midst of your trials. Your testimony, as always, was such a blessing, and such a wonderful account of God’s faithfulness, especially when you shared about the devotion you were studying a particular day and the note you received from a lady at church with the same verse, “God cares for you”!! God is always good and provides the strength and ability to carry us throughout our trials. I’m uncertain of when the program was taped, but I’ve been praying for you, and I wanted to encourage you with my favorite scripture “The Lord your God is with you; He is mighty to save, He takes great delight in you and quiets you with His love. He rejoices over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:16

    I just adore this verse and cling to the incredible picture of God hovering over us, delighting in us, quieting us with the tender whisper of His words of comfort in our ears while also drawing us close to His very heart with His warm, all encompassing embrace. And the, if all of this wasn’t enough, He is continuously singing over us with songs of joy, delight, and love. We are the apple of His eye and He never takes His hand off of us or loses sight of us. He is always near ready to guide, comfort, strengthen, and revive us.

    I am praying that you experience this continually in the midst of all of your struggles!

    In case, you don’t remember who I am, we met in 2012 at the Gospel Coalition Conference, and I was with you, Nancy, and other ministry partners the night before the conference began and we spoke off and on throughout the weekend. I was just barely pregnant then, and your daughter in law and I had our babies not too far apart from one another, mine a boy (Bryant is now 17 months) and hers a girl! Well, I am expecting again and due in the beginning of February. I will be finding out if it is a boy or girl in about two weeks. I also wanted you to know that as I was listening to you speak, I felt the baby kick for the first time! I was resting in bed, and I had my phone near the top of my belly. As you began to speak, my precious little one kicked not one but three times! It was as though the baby was saying “Amen” as you shared the powerful names of God that you had found in scripture!!! 🙂

    I will be attending the True Woman conference in October, and I can hardly wait! Hopefully I will get to see you there and you can feel this precious little one kick, too! I will also be attending the Thursday leadership pre-conference seminar, so perhaps I will be able to see you then! 🙂

    May the Lord bless you richly, and I will continue to pray for you!

    In Christ’s Love,
    Leanne Johnson

    “The Lord your God is with you; He is mighty to save, He takes great delight in you and quiets you with His love. He rejoices over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:16


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Yes, Leanne, I remember you!

      Thank you so much for this precious note. The radio program you heard was an old one, and at that time I was walking through the final weeks before my father passed away. Thank you so much for your prayers, although that program was old and that season of sorrow is past, there are always new challenges and the need to be supported with prayer. This has been a particularly difficult summer. Thank you for the Scripture from Zephaniah–that is one of my favorites!

      OH, SO SWEET–that your little one gave a kick while I was sharing my heart. I can’t wait to meet that precious baby in October! I will be doing a couple of breakouts, so I hope you’ll find me somewhere in the mass of women, so I can give you a hug and catch up a bit.

      Thank you so much for your prayers and I’m so glad you’re staying connected through the blog! : )

      Enjoy those little ones today ~


  31. Kimberly,
    I met you yesterday at LVBC and spoke with you about my ‘prodigal’ I wanted to thank you for using your God given ability to share God’s Word with us. He worked yesterday. I took my daughter (who was one of the models for the fashion show) back to college and we talked and talked about many things. She asked so many great questions about being a woman of God, including what does Biblical submission look like. It was an amazing conversation spurred on by your presentations. I mentioned about coming to see you in Hanover – I don’t think that is going to work out 🙁 Thank you for everything and God bless! Barb


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Barb ~

      Somehow I just found your comment left here (last month!!). I’m so glad for the conversation that spurred on with your daughter. Thankful that she is interested in what it means to be a woman of God. You might consider doing a study with her that I often recommend to young women her age. I’m posting the link below:

      https://www.reviveourhearts.com/store/product/girls-gone-wise-group-study-kit/

      This is a valuable resource for developing right thinking about womanhood and would be an opportunity for the two of you to continue building your relationship together. If you choose to do this, I hope you’ll send me word how it goes!

      Blessings, friend ~


  32. Posted by Marcia

    I am getting an email from you each day but there is nothing on it. Has something changed on your website that I am no longer getting your daily devotional?


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Marcia ~

      Thank you for contacting me. We had to switch to Mail Chimp as our daily email provider, but have not worked out the kinks on that. The website administrator has been working on this all week, we hope to have the issues resolved soon, so I hope everyone will bear with us while we try to figure out what’s going on.

      You can find the daily blog at the homepage of the website while we’re working on the email problem, it is still being posted there, so I hope you’ll check it out that way.

      So sorry for the inconvenience, but hopefully we’ll have it resolved soon!


  33. Posted by Sue

    Hi Kim… Appreciate your blog so much and I receive your daily blog posts. Recently, however they have changed in that they are not coming through as a link. I wondered if others are experiencing the same thing. In order to read your blog I have to go to your website which isn’t a big deal but it was much more convenient to just click on the link in the email. Thanks again for your wonderful ministry!


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Sue ~

      So sorry, we had to switch our daily email service to Mail Chimp, but have not worked out the kinks on that, yet. The website administrator has been working on this, and we hope to have the issues resolved soon. I totally understand the convenience of getting it in your inbox and I hope we’ll be able to provide that again soon.

      Thank you so much for your encouraging comment. It means so much to hear from readers who are faithfully plugged in here!


  34. Dear Kim,

    I am happy to have found you. About a week ago I got a very strong intuitive hit to go to the Dominican Republic. I had no idea why and I never had the wish to go there. Now I know why – True woman conference.

    I am coming from Croatia and have written the Ï LOVE, THEREFOR I AM – 10 INSIGHTS OF ENLIGHTENED PARENTHOOD”- a mystical journey of a woman, mother and person through the 5 year cycle of motherhood inspired by motherhood of course. Since then I have been looking for ways to connect to other women who believe in our divine nature and heritage coming alive again and joining into sisterhoods as we used to.

    I am supposed to arrive in the Dominicana on the 21st of February and I just read the conference is on the 25th. You can’t imagine how happy I am…
    Can you please let me know how I can join and maybe even contribute to the sisterhood cause. My book is in Croatian but it’s mainly poetry. Three poems came in English. I’d be happy to share them if it’s desired. I see myself as an inspirational artist, mother,woman, sister and so much more.

    Thank you very in advance and
    love and light to you.

    Sibila


  35. Posted by Kevin king

    thank you for your focus on the family broadcast describe our marriage we’re hoping that your book will help our marriage.
    your friend
    Kevin and Diana King Richmond Indiana


  36. Posted by Mike H.

    Kimberly,

    I heard you and your husband speaking on the radio yesterday and I wanted to reach out to you because my wife and I are in a similar situation. I have always been a reserved person, but as time goes on I feel more and more emotionally distant. I know she is at her whits end. I love her and want to regrow closer. I keep trying to tell her that a marriage involves two people we need to work together, but she has planted her feet firmly and says she’s not going to work with me until I do for her first. Just this morning she told me all of our problems are my fault. I don’t know what to do. I’ve read the 5 Love languages book, suggested counselling (etc) and have tried different ways to show her that I love her, but nothing seems to work. I do what feels loving, but she doesn’t seem to accept it. I have asked her dozens of times to just tell me HOW she receives love. I feel like I’m carrying the weight of our marriage, but I’m sinking alone. Any advice?


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Mike ~

      I’m sorry for the pain you and your wife have experienced in your marriage. Repairing a broken relationship requires two people who are willing to extend grace and forgiveness to one another, but no matter whether the spouse is willing to work on the marriage or not, doing the right thing honors God–and that is what matters most.

      If you and your wife are plugged into a healthy and biblical church body, I encourage you to look for a spiritually mature couple that you can spend time with, not in a “counseling setting,” but doing activities together or meals, so that you and your wife can be regularly exposed to a couple whose marriage relationship is a good example to follow. Seek out men who can disciple you in your role as a husband.

      You might also consider planning a special evening alone with your wife, where you take her to dinner (or prepare dinner for her) and let her know that you are fully committed to building a good relationship with her. Perhaps share with her what you heard on the Focus broadcast, or watch our marriage video together (under the video tab on this website) and perhaps offer to do a study with her like “The Love Dare.”

      You also might commit to praying for her daily, a good way to begin is by reading (and praying through) Stormie Omaritan’s book: “The Power of a Praying Husband.” Also, daily ask your wife what specific ways you can be interceding for her, and then pray for her and with her. Don’t just tell her you will pray for her, but take her hand and voice those prayers out loud.

      I would love for your wife to read my book, but I don’t know that she would be receptive to receiving that suggestion from you. It might help you to read through the book yourself, to allow you to understand some of your wife’s struggles.

      Bottom line, Mike, your wife needs your spiritual leadership. The deepest need for her is for you to grow in your love for Christ, to grow in your devotion to Him and His Word, and to lead her spiritually. Leading her doesn’t mean “preaching to her” but it means being a contagious Christ-like example, loving her as Christ loves the church, and standing for her in the spiritual battle. Check out Colossians 3:12–19 and seek to apply this to your relationship with her.

      Praying that God works in your marriage in an Eph. 3:20 way!


  37. Posted by Fiercely Confused

    Kimberly, I recently learned of my husband’s profile on a website for casual sexual encounters. I am heartbroken and although our marriage has never been what I thought my marriage would be like, I thought we were finally begining to grow. For the first 2 years of our marriage, my husband was either unemployed or under employed. He struggled with getting hired back into his career field. We are in the same line of work and I have been blessed with promotions/opportunities all the while he has struggled to get hired. We were in counseling all last year and he finally was hired at my company in December. Our last counseling session was in December and we decided we would return “As needed”. His major complaint about me was that I was not empathetic towards his feelings, that I was too harsh and he often felt like i was talking down to him or demeaning him. I did all I could (or so I thought) to be softer but it led to me just walking on egg shells and resenting him. As time would go on, I would let up and be vocal. He always went back to the idea that I was not sensitive. I blamed him. He was being too sensitive, he was blaming me for not getting hired, he was being weak and needed to “man-up”. Although I would sometimes apologize, I never really got it. But things seemed to finally be falling into place after he got the new job. Then last week I discovered that he created a profile on that website. I was angry, hurt, confused, devastated and embarrassed. I heard part of an interview with you and your husband and went out and bought your book Fierce Women that day and began to read it before my husband got home from work. When I confronted him about the website, he said he felt so distant from me that the site was a chance for him to have some control over his life. We have been very distant. On top of the difficulties that are in all new marriages, he did not have a job. While reading your book (I made it almost halfway through before he got home) I burst into tears. The very thing he had been telling me for the last 2 years was true. I looked at previous relationships and realized I was the same with those men. I am not blaming myself for my husband’s actions and sadly I do not know if my marriage will survive. We have both been hurt by the other in some way and have become so distant. But I am finishing your book and already learning about how to use the spunkiness God has given me and at least try to mend what is left of this relationship. We set a time to talk and before we got into the ugliness of the infidelity (although he swears he did not have a physical encounter with anyone), I apologized for my attitude and behavior that played a part in the crumbling of our relationship. Thank you for writing your story. I know getting in the car and listening to that radio broadcast of you and your husband was God working for me. Please keep me in your prayers. I am so confused as to what God wants me to do at this point, but am hanging (like a scared child) on to His hand!
    Fiercely Confused


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Fiercely Confused ~

      Oh, precious friend, I wish I could be there to offer the comfort of Christ face to face. I know you are deeply hurt by your husband’s actions, but also by the realization of how you’ve contributed to the brokenness in your relationship. Let me encourage you, though, you are on the right path to redemption!! Keep hanging on to your Savior’s hand through this process.

      Do you have a few older women in your life who are spiritually mature and can help hold you accountable to learning how to demonstrate true love to your husband? I encourage you to ask God to supply some good “truth speakers” that will come alongside you in this journey!

      After reading “Fierce Women” you might also find it helpful to sign up for the 31-Day husband encouragement challenge. I’ll post that link below for you.

      I hope you are plugged into a healthy and biblical church body, I encourage you to look for a spiritually mature couple that you can spend time with, not in a “counseling setting,” but doing activities together or meals, so that you can be regularly exposed to a couple whose marriage relationship is a good example to follow.

      Be encouraged knowing that God is at work. He appointed the timing that you would hear the broadcast and begin this reparation journey. Please stay in touch and let me know how things are going. If you “subscribe” to the website (it’s free, just plug your email address into the subscribe box at the upper left hand column), you’ll receive a daily blog post (Mon thru Fri) from me that you might find helpful.

      Pausing to pray for you now and sending you the link below that many women have found helpful:

      https://www.reviveourhearts.com/resource-library/30-day-challenges/30-day-husband/


  38. Posted by pam

    Just read your article, “10 Signs of a Bitter Woman”. This is not just a Subterranean, it is the Spirit of Jezebel, which can operate in men as well as women and this woman you wrote on needed deliverance badly. Also, the scripture came to me was, “Don’t cast your pearl before swine….”. Glad to hear that prayers were lifted up for her, but her husband needed prayer and encouragement, because he has been “emasculated” in his own household. Seen this more than I care to say. People are put in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. God Bless.


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      I agree, Pam . . . and yes, he was encouraged and we watched him attempt to make godly stands, only to be crushed in his own home. It is hard to watch “subterraneans” and “Jezebels” wreak havoc in a church and in their family relationships. We must be responsible to share truth, but ultimately, only the Spirit of God can open eyes and change hearts. My prayer is that God will prevail and receive glory in the midst of the mess.

      Blessings, friend ~


  39. Posted by Kevin king

    This is the second time in your lifetime that you change the way I think and act about Christ.Thank you for your testimony.
    Thank you Kim and Leroy Wagner
    sincerely
    Kevin and Diana king
    Richmond In.


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Thankful for you all, glad you connected and were impacted by the broadcast. Hope the four of us can connect again soon ~


  40. Posted by Jason

    Dear Kimberly,

    My wife heard the broadcast on Focus on the Family and asked me to listen to it with her. We listened late at night and then she wanted to discuss it, but since it was so late we went to bed. I hurt her feelings by not discussing the insights with her that night, but we have discussed the broadcast since then. I even listened to the broadcast again and took notes because your story seemed to be a carbon copy of our marriage (the loss of love and affection after 5 years and the silence for another 7-8). I have not been as mild as what your husband seemed to be for you, I have done and said so many hurtful things to her, but I believe that she is one of those destructive fierce women that you talked about. I was so thankful that my wife listened to the broadcast, but I do not think that she heard what was being said. In our discussion she indicated that she realizes everything is her fault and believes that my depression and actions are a result of her. I don’t believe this is the case. I take responsibility for my actions and words, but how do I talk to her in respect that I feel that there is so much truth in what you shared. I am still intimidated by her and can’t bring myself to tell her that. I honestly don’t think that she understands that she needs to change. I know that I have many things that I need to change, but where do we start. I wish that I was as strong Spiritually as your husband, but like he said “I have less and less interest in trying to improve”. I am just looking for a starting point or more of your story on how you changed in such a dramatic way.

    Thanks for any encouragement
    Jason


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Jason ~

      I’m glad you and your wife listened to the broadcast together. That is the first start, getting together to work on rebuilding your relationship, having honest and humble communication for the sake of uniting together in love.

      Repairing a broken relationship requires two people who are willing to extend grace and forgiveness to one another, but no matter whether the spouse is willing to work on the marriage or not, doing the right thing honors God–and that is what matters most.

      I hope that you and your wife are plugged into a healthy and biblical church body, if so, I encourage you to look for a spiritually mature couple that you can spend time with, not in a “counseling setting,” but doing activities together or meals, so that you can be regularly exposed to a couple whose marriage relationship is a good example to follow.

      Seek out men who can disciple you in your role as a husband.

      You might also consider planning a special evening alone with your wife, where you take her to dinner (or prepare dinner for her) and let her know that you are fully committed to building a good relationship with her. Perhaps watch our marriage video together (under the video tab on this website) and offer to do a study with her like “The Love Dare.”

      I encourage you to commit to praying for her daily, a good way to begin is by reading (and praying through) Stormie Omaritan’s book: “The Power of a Praying Husband.” Also, daily ask your wife what specific ways you can be interceding for her, and then pray for her and with her. Don’t just tell her you will pray for her, but take her hand and voice those prayers out loud.

      I would love for your wife to read my book, but I don’t know that she would be receptive to receiving that suggestion from you. It might help you to read through the book yourself, to allow you to understand some of your wife’s struggles.

      Bottom line, Jason, your wife needs your spiritual leadership. The deepest need for her is for you to grow in your love for Christ, to grow in your devotion to Him and His Word, and to lead her spiritually. Leading her doesn’t mean “preaching to her” but it means being a contagious Christ-like example, loving her as Christ loves the church, and standing for her in the spiritual battle.

      Check out Colossians 3:12–19 and seek to apply this to your relationship with her.

      Praying that God works in your marriage in an Eph. 3:20 way!


  41. Posted by CB

    Hi Kim,
    You are defining my wife. Could you recommend a method to present this material to her without offending her?


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello CB ~

      Be encouraged by knowing that God cares more about transforming your marriage for the sake of His glory than you do. He desires for you and your wife to experience the unity, beauty, and deeply rooted love that only He can bring.

      Repairing a broken relationship requires two people who are willing to extend grace and forgiveness to one another, but no matter whether your wife is willing to work on the marriage or not, doing the right thing honors God–and that is what matters most.

      You might consider planning a special evening alone with your wife, where you take her to dinner (or prepare dinner for her) and let her know that you are fully committed to building a good relationship with her. Begin the conversation by confessing any way that you have failed in demonstrating biblical, strong leadership to her and ask her forgiveness. Perhaps watch our marriage video together (under the video tab on this website) and offer to do a study with her like “The Love Dare.”

      I encourage you to commit to praying for her daily, a good way to begin is by reading (and praying through) Stormie Omaritan’s book: “The Power of a Praying Husband.” Also, daily ask your wife what specific ways you can be interceding for her, and then pray for her and with her. Don’t just tell her you will pray for her, but take her hand and voice those prayers out loud.

      I hope that you and your wife are plugged into a healthy and biblical church body, if so, I encourage you to look for a spiritually mature couple that you can spend time with, not in a “counseling setting,” but doing activities together or meals, so that you can be regularly exposed to a couple whose marriage relationship is a good example to follow.

      Seek out men who can disciple you in your role as a husband.

      I would love for your wife to read my book, but I don’t know that she would be receptive to receiving that suggestion from you until changes are made in your relationship. It might help you to read through the book yourself, to allow you to understand some of your wife’s struggles. And perhaps, as she sees you following through with your commitment to lead her spiritually, that she will investigate what you’re reading and be open to studying the book together and discussing it.

      I understand if you fear your wife’s reaction to discussing the need for both of you to work on your marital relationship, but I encourage you to find your strength and courage through your relationship with Christ. He is who you ultimately are accountable to, not your wife. And He will equip you as you depend on Him.

      Bottom line, CB, your wife needs your spiritual leadership. The deepest need for her is for you to grow in your love for Christ, to grow in your devotion to Him and His Word, and to lead her spiritually. Leading her doesn’t mean “preaching to her” but it means being a contagious Christ-like example, loving her as Christ loves the church, and standing for her in the spiritual battle.

      I don’t know your wife’s name, but the Father does, and I’m appealing to Him to open her eyes, as He graciously did mine, to her role in your marital condition. May He grant that request for His glory!


  42. A letter dated 5/20/15 was sent to your organization requesting a certificate of insurance for your speaking engagement at Taylors First Baptist Church SC last year. To date I have gotten no response.
    If a certficate of insurance is NOT available, just let me know that.
    I would very much appreciate your attention to this matter!


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Tina ~

      Thank you for reaching out through the website. I hope you received my email reply. Please let me know if I can assist you further ~

      Hope all is well with your church. It was a blessing to spend the evening with the women of TFBC 🙂


  43. Posted by Anastasiya

    hi! my name is Anastasiya and I am from Siberia, Russia. I’ve got an idea. I haven’t come across books like yours (fierce women), and I think it could be a great help to Russian women, who are used to be strong and taking more resposibility than they should. So , I would like to read your book first and then look at the opporunity to translate it into Russian (as I have translated Christian books before). But with the dollar rate I can’t afford to buy your book for now. Is it possible that you send me a free copy (I’ve got a kindle reader device) please? I will not spread it or sell it across Russia :). But I really want to read it and translate later! We could also read it at our Bible Study group for women (We’ve already read Ann Voscamp, Debbie Pearl, Linda Dillow, Martha Peace).Thank you.Let us know what you think about it!!!


  44. Posted by Daniel sparks

    Hello I’m just seeking g out my memory. Was it this kim and leroy wagner that led me to the Lord 20+ years ago in Richmond indiana at central babists church? I’m just trying g to remember the man who babtised me at 13. If so please reply that I know it was real. I’ve had a hard road and sometimes wonder if my memories are real. God bless!


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Daniel ~

      Yes, that was us. I’m so sorry that you’ve had a difficult time and now are struggling with your memories. I hope you are part of a healthy church body and are receiving solid biblical teaching and encouragement. No matter how dark your struggles have been, Jesus Christ deires for you to grow in your knowledge and love of Him. You might find it helpful to join us (here on the blog) in studying the book of Colossians. Here is the first post in that study:

      http://www.kimberlywagner.org/?p=5116


  45. Posted by Daniel sparks

    Brother Tom taper and brother Dan wandersee were a part of our congregation. Also the Cates family. Please help me remember.


  46. Posted by David

    I heard your story on the Focus podcast. Do you have any resources for husband’s that are married to fierce women?


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Wow, David, your question is actually a personal encouragement today! Moody Publishers has asked my husband and I to write a book (together) for husbands who are married to fierce women. Sorry that you’ll have to wait until September for that resource 🙂

      While you wait, we’ve recommended this book to men: “Kingdom Man” by Tony Evans


  47. Posted by Charisse Anne

    Dear Kim,

    I read your article about Little people grow up way too fast and I was blessed by it. I have an 8-month old boy and I was wondering if you can recommend a parenting-child care book and resource. As a first time mom livong abroad, I sometimes have no clue what to do encountering everything the first time. I have used Babywise for the past months and it worked for sleep training. Now I’m seeking for references as I continue to parent this gift from God.

    Thank you so much!

    Blessings,
    Anne


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Anne ~

      Yes, “Babywise” is a helpful tool, glad you are using it! “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” by Tedd Tripp is one I highly recommend. You also might find Gary Ezzo’s book: “On Becoming Pretoddlerwise: From Babyhood to Toddlerhood” a helpful resource.

      So glad that you are being intentional in the training of your little one!

      May you find joy in the difficult moments, discernment in the challenging questions, hope in the fearful seasons, and God’s clear voice of truth in the darkest days . . . parenting is the greatest assignment, with the greatest joys but also the most challenging of days!

      Blessings to you, friend ~


  48. Posted by Amanda

    Kim,
    I had the honor of hearing you speak a week or so ago to my MOPs group at Bethany Baptist Church in Peoria, IL. Thank you so much for your message. As a fierce woman, I defenitely had a lightbulb moment that Friday! I bought your book that day and I am about halfway through, being challenged and convicted every step of the way. :). I want to continue the momentum once I finish the book. I was wondering if you recommend any women’s workbook type bible studies that would include some of the same topic?

    Thanks so much!


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Amanda ~

      I am so sorry, I’m just today reading your comment! I hope you come back to see this reply. I enjoyed being with your MOPS group–what a great group of women you have there! I’m so glad you’re reading the book and hope you found it helpful. One resource I recommend to women is the 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge from Revive Our Hearts Ministries. You can find it by clicking here:

      https://www.reviveourhearts.com/challenges/30-day-husband/

      A workbook that you might find helpful is “Love and Respect” (there is a book and workbook study) by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

      Also, I have several posts on this website that apply to marriage. I hope you’ll connect here with the daily blog 🙂

      So glad you’re digging into studies that will benefit your marriage relationship!

      Thanks for taking the time to leave an encouraging comment ~


  49. Posted by Alicia Roy

    Kimberly~
    I just listened to your two part interview with Jim Daly. It was like you were telling my story. I have been married 19 1/2 years to a good man. I have spent a great deal of those years emasculating him. How he decided to stick it out with me humbles me. In September everything fell apart between us. He considered a divorce and spent some time thinking on it. Because God is so good and so merciful, he saved our marriage. Through these past few months God has shown me the sin in my life and how I have hurt my husband. Hearing your story yesterday and today has brought me great comfort and helped me feel not so alone in how I’ve treated him. Thank you for being so transparent and bold in sharing what God has done for you guys as it has greatly encouraged me. I know that God has done great things for us and I am hopeful that He will continue to work between us. I also ordered your book Fierce Woman. I can’t wait to read it and see what God will do in me through it. Thank you again. I just can’t tell you enough how much I appreciate your transparency. To God be the Glory, great things He has done!
    Alicia


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Alicia ~

      Thank you for taking the time to send such an encouraging comment. I love hearing how God is at work. I’m so thankful that in God’s providence, you heard the interview with Jim Daly, and grateful for the way God used that in the process He’s already begun. How merciful and gracious He is!

      I hope you’ll stay connected here by signing up to receive the daily blog post. Also, when you’ve finished reading the book, you might want to check out a resource that I recommend to women for follow-up. It is the 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge from Revive Our Hearts Ministries. You can find it by clicking here:

      https://www.reviveourhearts.com/challenges/30-day-husband/

      May God continue the gracious rescue operation that He has begun!


  50. Posted by DR

    I was recently exposed to your story on Focus on the Family and then on Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman which came to me through a 5 Love Languages email the very next day. I then linked to your website where I was able to listen to the six-day series on revive our Hearts and watch your video. I feel very strongly that God has led me to this place as I see my marriage so closely resembling what you have described. So much of what you said resonates with me so very deeply, concerning both myself and my wife. I know that I need God to do a transforming work in my heart and have been praying that for quite a while now. I have also been praying for my wife in exactly the same way but I have not seen the transformation that I’ve been seeking. Our marriage and our family life are a struggle because of all of this, and I know that our children can feel and sense this as well. Most days are very painful for both of us, and I feel like we are trying to do things but only with intention to check it off the list so that we can have something to feel good about as individuals doing our part. I do feel very emasculated from the way my wife speaks to me and treats me and I have tried to share things and express things with my wife but have been met with that same “fierceness”. When I tried to say things to her that do eat at me and that I do see in her, her response has been “I do not receive what you say” and “the devil is using you to speak these things”. She has certainly expressed things to me as well and I have not responded in a godly way but have become more and more passive and withdrawn. I want to figure out a way to invite my wife into this story and into your ministry but I don’t want her to feel like I’m pointing the finger and putting all the blame on her because I know that we are both responsible for what has happened in our marriage. I am also very interested in the book you mentioned that you and your husband were writing for the husbands of fierce women and would love to know when it is due to come out. I would very much appreciate your prayers and any advice that you may have for us. I would rather not have this comment posted publicly at this time but would love to hear back from you. Thank you so much.


    • Posted by DR

      Hi Kim,
      Just a follow up on my earlier comment. I haven’t seen a response and would love to hear from you. My marriage still struggles and I feel that no matter what I do, nothing pleases my wife. In fierceness, she opposes my efforts to love her, my ideas, what I tell her God is speaking to me, my feelings, you name it. It is such a struggle and the coldness and distance between us is unbearable.
      Seeking Him and His direction,
      DR


      • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

        Hello, DR ~

        I am so sorry! I did respond to your comment and attempted to delete your comment since you stated that you didn’t want it to be posted publicly, but apparently it deleted my response to you rather than your original comment, I’m so sorry. I will try to reconstruct what I’d originally posted.

        Isn’t God good to have led you to our story? He sees, knows, and cares about what you are facing. I am so sorry for the pain you’re experiencing. Let me assure you, your wait is not in vain. As you look to the Lord, laying out your need and desire before Him, He is listening and is at work. You may not see all you would like accomplished in your marriage, but if you are looking to Christ, seeking His will, and desiring for Him to be glorified through this, He will transform you. And we all stand in need of His gracious transforming work.

        Your wife may not be willing to watch our marriage video (first link under the Videos tab on this website), but it is something that we recommend couples to do to begin a conversation about taking responsibility for each one’s contribution to the marital problems. Your wife may be convinced that she is justified in her behavior toward you, and it will take a work of the Holy Spirit to open her eyes. But, if she is letting you know areas where she feels you’ve wronged her, respond in humility and be willing to receive her input. Be sure to take that to the Lord, be open to His conviction, and if He reveals any area of sin, humbly confess that to Him (and to your wife) and seek forgiveness.

        When feeling hurt and rejected, there is a temptation to give in to self-pity or anger, resentment, and bitterness. Be sure that your prayers are not blocked by sinful responses (1 Peter 3:7; Eph. 4:25–32; James 1:19–22).

        Be encouraged by knowing that God cares more about transforming your marriage for the sake of His glory than you do. He desires for you and your wife to experience the unity, beauty, and deeply rooted love that only He can bring.

        Repairing a broken relationship requires two people who are willing to extend grace and forgiveness to one another, but no matter whether your wife is willing to work on the marriage or not, doing the right thing honors God–and that is what matters most.

        You might consider planning a special evening alone with your wife, where you take her to dinner (or prepare dinner for her) and let her know that you are fully committed to building a good relationship with her. Begin the conversation by confessing any way that you have failed in demonstrating biblical, strong leadership to her and ask her forgiveness.

        I hope that you and your wife are plugged into a healthy and biblical church body, if so, I encourage you to look for a spiritually mature couple that you can spend time with, not in a “counseling setting,” but doing activities together or meals, so that you can be regularly exposed to a couple whose marriage relationship is a good example to follow.

        Seek out men who can disciple you in your role as a husband.

        I would love for your wife to read my book, but I don’t know that she would be receptive to receiving that suggestion from you until changes are made in your relationship. It might help you to read through the book yourself, to allow you to understand some of your wife’s struggles. And perhaps, as she sees you following through with your commitment to lead her spiritually, that she will investigate what you’re reading and be open to studying the book together and discussing it.

        I encourage you to commit to praying for her daily, a good way to begin is by reading (and praying through) Stormie Omaritan’s book: “The Power of a Praying Husband.” Also, daily ask your wife what specific ways you can be interceding for her, and then pray for her and with her. Don’t just tell her you will pray for her, but take her hand and voice those prayers out loud.

        Your wife needs your spiritual leadership. The deepest need for her is for you to grow in your love for Christ, to grow in your devotion to Him and His Word, and to lead her spiritually. Leading her doesn’t mean “preaching to her” but it means being a contagious Christ-like example, loving her as Christ loves the church, and standing for her in the spiritual battle.

        We are currently working hard to complete the book for husbands: “Men Who Love Fierce Women: The Power of Servant Leadership in Your Marriage” and it is scheduled to be released in Sept. 2016. Until then, you might consider reading Tim Keller’s book: “The Meaning of Marriage” as well as Gary Thomas’s book: “Sacred Marriage.”

        I hope you make it back here to read this reply! I’ve shared your comment with LeRoy and we are praying that God graciously steps into your marriage to do an Eph. 3:20 work!

        Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.


  51. Posted by Joseph

    Hi there,

    I only just found out about your book yesterday, and the Focus on the family podcast you did with your husband this year!

    I must say I was astounded how close the situation sounds to our own. I can totally understand your dear husbands journey. i am a business man and love growing and achiveing…..And I too have a strong Godly wife. Over years the toll has been felt by both parties. but different to your story, she has left the relationship, which is so devastating for me.

    I know I am a man who didn’t take control spiritually early after we were married……I got my wife, so I ticked that off the list and next challenge(sounds crass, but I look back and that’s how it feels).

    I feel my wife is a good strong Godly woman and since we have lost our way as a couple, this fierceness has taken over. I love my wife, however as we are separated, I am seeking God for answers for how and why to this mess. I have been the passive man…as I couldn’t handle the discussions about every single thing for 25 minutes! I know deep down she was just wanting to be listened to and validated! I missed that.

    So I need to say I am not void of responsibility here, I believe that each spouse is 100% responsible for the good, the bad and ugly of the marriage. I know I could and would do things differently, and am seeking God to change that in me.

    I am ordering your book for at least me to read, but would you have any resources/teaching for how Men can handle these fierce woman in these phases of life. And what we can proactively do to encourage and bring out the softness that I saw when were dating! I pray that somehow she too can read this book and understand her role as a wife and mother and what God wants for her.

    I love my wife wholeheartedly and believe in my vows and the power of them til death do us part, and patiently await Gods miracle.

    I so thank you for the message you shared on Focus in the family…….the story is so us and gives me hope that it can be overcome!

    Thank you for any help/direction you may have for men like me.


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Dear Joseph,

      Thank you for reaching out to us. We are so very sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Although your wife has left, we believe it is not too late. God is able to do amazing works for His glory, we’ve seen it and experienced it, so don’t lose heart!

      Repairing a broken relationship requires two people who are willing to extend grace and forgiveness to one another, but no matter whether your wife is willing to work on the marriage or not, doing the right thing honors God–and that is what matters most.

      You might consider planning a special evening alone with your wife, where you take her to dinner (or prepare dinner for her) and let her know that you are fully committed to building a good relationship with her. Begin the conversation by confessing any way that you have failed in demonstrating biblical, strong leadership to her and ask her forgiveness. Be specific. Be tender. Demonstrate your genuine concern for her and the pain she has experienced that would lead her to walk away from your marriage.

      You might consider watching our marriage video together (I’ll paste the link below). Often it opens up a good discussion between couples and would allow you to confess to her how you’ve failed her. If she responds well to that, you might ask her if the two of you could listen together to our interview with Focus.

      If you aren’t doing so, commit to praying for your wife daily, a good way to begin is by reading (and praying through) Stormie Omaritan’s book: “The Power of a Praying Husband.” Also, ask your wife what specific ways you can be interceding for her, and then pray for her and with her.

      Your wife needs your spiritual leadership–even if you are separated, she needs it now more than ever! The deepest need for her is for you to grow in your love for Christ, to grow in your devotion to Him and His Word, and to lead her spiritually. Leading her doesn’t mean “preaching to her” but it means being a contagious Christ-like example, loving her as Christ loves the church, and standing for her in the spiritual battle.

      We are currently working hard to complete the book for husbands: “Men Who Love Fierce Women: The Power of Servant Leadership in Your Marriage” and it is scheduled to be released in Sept. 2016. Until then, you might consider reading Tim Keller’s book: “The Meaning of Marriage” as well as Gary Thomas’s book: “Sacred Marriage.”

      It is extremely important for you and your wife to be plugged into a healthy and biblical church body. I encourage you to let your leadership know that you need their prayer and input. You don’t need to share with the entire church body, but just one or two pastors, or spiritually mature men who can walk beside you as you navigate this season.

      Joseph, we are praying for you marriage to be rescued and to become a platform to display the beauty of God’s grace. May you see Him do an amazing work of transformation!


  52. Posted by sarah

    Kim – Oh, I have been giggling all day! – I know the name of the movie you mentioned in your book – my husband and I recently watched it on youtube. It is called “If a Man Answers” and it stars Sandra Dee. We enjoyed it and I am glad that you and Leroy will be able to watch it together. My husband Dan and I have been happily married for 26 years but I bought your book because one of my passions is biblical manhood and womanhood. I was recently doing a word study on “glory” and came across the verse about the woman being made for the man and being his glory as he is the glory of Christ. I wondered how that would flesh out in everyday life and am having the ride of my life!!! My best freind who is single cannot quite see my point of view – I suppose people think that submitting to your husband in all things will make you a doormat – oh no!!! It makes you a doorkeeper!! You are able to open the door to all that the Father has for you. Thank you for your book – I hope that I can find women to share it with. Sarah


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Sarah ~

      Thank you for sharing the name of the movie with me, would love to watch it with LeRoy! So glad to hear how God is at work in your life. I love learning how to glorify Him and it sounds like that is your heart as well. Hope you stay connected here, you can “subscribe” to the daily blog by inserting your email address in the Subscribe box (upper left column).

      Let me hear how the Father continues to lead you in living out your womanhood!

      Blessings, friend ~


  53. Posted by sarah

    Happy New Year!! This is my favorite day of the year and although my back has been “out” since Christmas day I have been rejoicing that the Father has opened a door for me to take my biblical womanhood to the next level – to truly be the glory of my husband – to allow the Father to lead and shape him into the man he was destined to be. So many verses are coming alive to me that deal with how I speak to and relate to others, just by adjusting how I speak to and relate to my husband! And I already have a terrific marriage!! But taking God’s word even more seriously has led me to a peace and freedom I have never known. This is going to be a “sweet 16” (2016 that is). Thanks again for your book Kim! Sarah


  54. Posted by Jane

    Kim,

    I wasn’t sure how to contact you, I read your article, “10Things Your Husband Hates” and it was an answer to my prayer. I went to a search engine tonight trying to figure out where I went wrong in some of the challenges with my husband and the part where it talks about the silent treatment made me think a lot about my own shortcomings and how I use the silent treatment as a way to disengage. Before I go further! I want to let you know there has been some severe damage to our relationship in the past. Things involving him attacking me physically, locking me in rooms, and mocking me mercilessly. The mocking is the issue as he does it infront of others and in front of my children as a way to show displeasure or disapproval. This has contributed to a breakdown of my self esteem that I feel bitter about. However, I love my husband and my children and he has changed through some hard work. We are at a place now where he is in complete denial about how he mocks me and puts me down although I have given him specific examples, he has agreed to stop some things while other things he remains in denial about, telling me I am too sensitive and childish. How do I go about requesting change when he has refused to change for years in this area? I recognize now that my silent treatment is what is causing him simmering bitterness, which makes me sad. Sad in a way that makes me want to change. But not sure where to start because by being silent, it is the only way to silence the constant criticism and put downs that he sends me.


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Jane ~

      God is so faithful. I’m thankful that He led you here. He sees what you are walking through, hears your cries, and desires to work.

      Let me first say, that I’m concerned whenever a wife shares with me that there has been some type of physical or emotional abuse. Absolutely do not remain in a situation where you or your children are in danger.

      I encourage you to find one or two spiritually mature women in your church to whom you can safely confide and ask them to help you navigate through this process biblically. I hope you are in a biblical church body and are receiving counsel from wise leaders who will be able to provide practical help.

      Silent treatments aren’t the answer, but your situation sounds as though both of you need to spend some time with a spiritually mature couple who can provide some wise input and serve as mentors.

      I hope you’ll plug into the daily blog, and receive some input from this site, but more than that, I hope you’ll reach out to your church family for help. I’m sending you the link to a resource on this site that you might find helpful. I hope you’ll prayerfully read through it and search out the Scriptures that I’ve listed:

      http://www.kimberlywagner.org/?p=3885

      Jane, be assured, God is able to work (Eph. 3:20–21) and I’m asking Him to do that.

      Praying for you ~


    • Posted by Ariel

      I just wanted to say how deeply emotional your post was for me. Abuse in any form is still an epidemic against women and children as that majority. I will lift you up in my prayers. While I know how very hard it is to love someone and see mostly the good seeing the bad is hardest. Especially when the bad comes in form of sexual deviance or abuse in any form. I know it wouldn’t do any good for me to voice my opinion and put my nose where it does not belong, but I will just say to you I am praying for you to have strength, self confidence, guidance, answers, and always remember you’re a mother. Your kids will see how he speaks to you and vise versa and they will pick up on it. The boys will find it acceptable and the girls will think it’s standard. If not for yourself for your kids stand up and for their knowledge and for their wisdom do what you know to be the right thing. It can be so impossible to repair certain relationships once we have over the course of time kept sailing them against the waves, but sometimes this isn’t all bad of a thing. Nonetheless, no judgement only prayers and support! We can never imagine a day where the man we love would hurt us or our children but babe..it happens everyday. It angers me too..remember that someone can say sorry but true sorrow is in the form of repentance.


  55. Posted by sarah

    Jane – while I cannot relate to your difficult situation I have used the silent treatment in my marital relationship for 25 years! It does tend to really aggravate men – I have learned that it is a form of passive aggression so while I a might be quiet I am certainly not displaying a quiet and gentle spirit. If I struggle with my godly husband I cannot imagine how difficult your situation must be. One thing that has helped me is to look at the position my husband fills rather than looking at him personally. In other words, I try to honor his position as man and husband and try to be a helpmate for him praying for him and trying to bring out the best in him. Ultimately our goal should be to please the Father – that we can do while still struggling with the man He has created. You may never have a husband that fulfills his obligation to be a godly husband but you can fulfill your calling to be a godly wife. I will pray for you and your husband – Sarah


  56. What a wonderful mission to uplift women in the right direction. It is so needed. We are a home school family and have just recently started a business called Sister Gear. We sell gift items that uplift and encourage sisters. We have secret sister items too. If it is appropriate please share our information with all. Please check out our web site. http://www.sistergear.biz Thank you for the consideration. Blessings


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Thank you, Carolyn, glad you’ve found encouragement here 🙂


  57. Posted by Ariel

    Hello,
    Recently I read a blog of yours
    What men hate in a marriage.
    I am 23 and my husband of 2 years
    Is 32! I know..but typically we have
    A wonderful marriage. He has a 9 year old son (my step son) who lives with us and We have
    Two little girls together Anniston (19 months)
    And aria (3 months). I found in your blog perhaps actually some of the reasons why (barely but still frustrating) my husband and I do argue. For example, my husband is on 2nd shift
    Which leaves the bulk of the household responsibility on me (he works and provides for us so that I may be with our 3 kids and go to college! It’s a big burden for him). Now, obviously with me being a stay at home mom most housework is my responsibility..however, when he is asleep in the day I get all three gets bathed, fed, ready for the day/school etc. When he wakes up he gets ready for work and by this time I’m doing lunch after my 2nd or so time of cleaning after 2 babies! By this time he must leave for work which means I continue being a mom (you never stop I know) his work schedule means for all 3 of our kids I am there breakfast lunch dinner bath after bath etc. (Luckily my step son and I get along and he sees me as a mother figure so there are no additional issues with him he is truly a blessing a huge help) anyways..so obviously being 23 this is a hard reality but I have no time for friends and even if I did they probably aren’t ones I would want my kids around. So when my husband gets home…I unload on him. Not to sound apathetic but he is my only friend. I also tend to bring up his past just to fuel the fire in midst of arguments or in bouts of random jealousy if you will (jealousy not in terms of girls or anything like that..no weird issues there). I want to go shopping sometimes and obviously I don’t want to go alone but I also have no friends so idk…what can I do?? How can I strengthen the weak spots that I clearly know I AM causing. I knew before but it really was confirmation reading your article. I just feel lonely..I have a 32 years old husband who works so that I don’t have to but it happens to be the worst shift ever! I hardly get to see him and I love love love my kids to death, but I have to be here for every single last breakdown and illness and homework assignment…I am the one who does all of these things for all of the kids.he will help of course on weekends but of course I never get a day off or vacation etc. I see his sacrifices, but idk..I feel like the main issue is for the last 3 years he has been on second shift and so when he is home it’s hard to accustom to that and it throws me off balance. Like we do dinner at 5 chores 3 times a day snack at 11 bedtime at 7…but he doesn’t do that because he works 2nd shift so he doesn’t realize we have that schedule and I have mentioned it but it’s hard for him to do that with the kids because he never gets to see them anyways. Please help me. Advise me on what to do here. I’m just overwhelmed a little. I just turned 23 yesterday so this is a lot to handle! I pray God guides me and do the best I can. Mostly and I mean this sincerely my husband and I are very happy no intimacy issues and we laugh and love and play. It’s just these little nerve-wracking little things that I do to him and that he doesn’t mean to do or not do here at the house.


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Wow, Ariel, you do have a lot on your plate!

      I’m so glad you connected here and I hope you’ll check back to read this reply. First of all take in a deep breath of grace–you need it! You’re in an extremely high-pressure season with a heavy work-load, and it sounds like you have no opportunity for stress-relief or occasional breaks. I commend you that you’ve admitted where you’ve failed, but I hope you’ll also consider that you may be setting yourself up for failure by not having the opportunity to receive nourishment from friends and additional help with responsibilities.

      This is a season that will be very depleting, but especially with your husband’s work schedule. I encourage you to have an honest, but kind, non-emotional conversation with him about your needs. I would begin that conversation with statements of appreciation letting him know how grateful you are to be able to stay at home and to have the opportunity to take college courses. You might appeal to him for input on how you can work as more of a team, even requesting for a short block of time on the weekend that you might be able to connect with a friend.

      Ariel, I don’t know whether you are plugged into a church or not, but it is so helpful to develop a network of spiritually mature, older, women who can provide wisdom and deep friendship during this season. I hope you’ll seek out one or two women like that who are “truth-speakers” who can encourage you in this season and be godly role models for you.

      I also hope you’ll check out the blog posts on marriage that are here on the website. You can find several by going to this link:

      http://www.kimberlywagner.org/?tag=marriage-2

      Pausing to pray for you now, Ariel, I hope you’ll stay connected here!


  58. Posted by Danielle Messenger

    Hi Kimberly,
    First off I would like to say how much I love your book Fierce Woman.My husband and I have only been married for 7 months and I could already see some negative fierce habits forming on my part and the impact they were having on our marriage. I am so thankful to have been able to notice these early on in our marriage so I can start working on them sooner rather than later! I have recommended the book to many others and everyone I know who has read it loves it. Second off I am a student at Moody Bible Institute and I am writing a paper on Feminism and what the impact has on our culture and our men from a biblical standpoint. I would love to hear what you have to say on this subject as it is something that your book reflects.
    -Danielle Messenger


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Danielle ~

      Thank you so much for your encouraging comment. I’m glad you found the book helpful. You are wise to begin working on your marriage now, before destructive habits are established in your relationship.

      I hope my response is not too late to provide help for your paper. The best resources I know dealing with the topic of Feminism’s impact on our culture are:

      “The Feminist Mistake” by Mary Kassian
      “Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World” by Carolyn McCulley

      Even if you’ve written your paper, I highly recommend using these books as resources. They cover the history of Feminism and its effect on our culture better than any other. In “Fierce Women” I provide a little input on this topic, but their books are dedicated to scholarly research and I think you’ll benefit from using them.

      Also, if you’re interested in doing a workbook study on this topic, I hope you’ll check out “True Woman 101” by Nancy DeMoss and Mary Kassian. It’s a great study.

      I hope you’ll stay connected here by signing up to receive the daily blog post.

      Good to hear from you, Danielle 🙂


  59. Posted by Jordan

    Hi Kimberly! I have been leading a small group Bible study based around your book Fierce Women. We also have a blog that is in the process where I will be posting the notes from each session. I want to be sure that we are honoring your copywrite and there is no infringement happening so please tell me what I can and cannot post on the blog (e.i. quotes from the book, your blog, your videos). Alot of the material is from individual study combined with us jointly reading your book. Thank you so much for being a voice for this topic that I have sought for a long time to better understand in my personal life!


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Jordan ~

      Wow, so excited that you’re doing that! I’m sorry that I didn’t read your comment until today, so this response may not be any help, but as long as you cite the source of your quotes, feel free to share anything you think will be helpful!

      Also, did you know that we’ve written a book for husbands that will be released in September? It is available now for Pre-Order on Amazon:“Men Who Love Fierce Women: The Power of Servant Leadership in Your Marriage” your group might also find this resource helpful. We’re hoping that husbands and wives will go through both books together at the same time 🙂

      Thank you for sharing ~


  60. Posted by Jenni

    Hi Kim,
    I just heard you and your husband speak on Chris Fabry Live. I’ve only listened to the first half, but already your marriage sounds exactly like ours. I’m so glad to hear your story. I look forward to learning more, getting to know you, and finding ways to become a godly wife. We’ve been married for almost 17 years and its been a hard road.
    Thanks,
    Jenni


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Jenni ~

      Sorry I’m finding your comment so late. I’m glad you heard the broadcast. Sadly, many couples have told us that our marriage, at its worst state, “sounds exactly like” theirs.

      Do you have the book, “Fierce Women”? I think you would find much in it that could be helpful. I tell more of our story there, but also give a lot of practical suggestions for building a united relationship. Also, there are several blog posts on this website that you might find helpful. If you put your email address in the “subscribe” box in the upper left column, you’ll receive a blog post from me Monday through Friday in your email inbox.

      Also, did you know that we’ve written a book for husbands that will be released in September? It is available now for Pre-Order on Amazon:“Men Who Love Fierce Women: The Power of Servant Leadership in Your Marriage” you might also find this resource helpful. We’re hoping that husbands and wives will go through both books together at the same time.

      Thanks for reaching out, Jenni, I hope you find this comment 🙂


  61. Posted by CJ

    Dear Kimberly,

    I just received my copy of Fierce Women this morning and read the entire book in a day. I was so greatly blessed to read your testimony, wisdom and insight as the Lord used it to speak directly to my heart to confirm and expand on what He has been teaching me this year. Your book was such a great encouragement to me. At times, it felt like I was reading my own journal entries in regards to my sin issues and the Scriptures that the Lord has been using to reveal my heart. Thank you for being so transparent about your struggles and how the Lord has transformed your heart. I look forward to Him performing the same work in me. Your book was such a blessing to me and I look forward to going back and reviewing it again and spending some time praying over, studying and applying the truths included. It’s not going to be easy but I am trusting the Lord to do His work in my life. Thank you again for being faithful to testify of the Lord’s goodness in your life.!


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, CJ ~

      Thank you for reaching out to share what God has been doing in your life. Wow, to read it in one day must have felt like you’d been bull-dozed! So excited to hear how God has been leading you and you’re right, it’s not easy to yield to the Potter’s Hand when transformation is needed, but it is good. And His grace is sufficient!

      If you’re married, I encourage you and your husband (if he would be open to this) to study together the book my husband and I coauthored for husbands: “Men Who Love Fierce Women.” It releases next week, but you can pre-order it (on sale) right now from Amazon.

      God bless you!


  62. Posted by Martin

    I’m writing this with a very heavy heart! I wish I’d found this book before my marriage ended in divorce. Someday God will put my heart back together. Please remember us in your prayers!


  63. Posted by Betty

    Hi Kimberly; I just a part of your story on the Moody radio station in So Florida. I am worried about my second marriage of only one year. We’re in our mid-fifties and I was baptized 6 years ago. I have been referred to as bossy, pushy and nag by my husband and family. But I get things done and never have been called “fierce”! However, I’ve been trying very hard since becoming a Christian to be a good Christian woman like in Psalms 31. I read Christian marriage books and listen to the Christian radio daily. I also read the Word daily. Unfortunately every book I read put the burden on change on the wife with little accountability on the husband. I find this frustrating. Of course my husband is oblivious to my desire for us to be closer and more spiritually unified. I’m interested in your story and how I can learn from it to encourage my husband that marrying me was not a mistake. I’m looking forward to reading your book. thank you, BR.


  64. Posted by WATTIER

    Hello Kimberly,
    I get to know your blog through True Women’s web site and the radio podcasts.
    I live in France and am a pastor’s wife. I would love to translate the little videos about marriage you have posted into French. It might help people here too!!!
    would you and your husband discuss about that and tell me what you think of the project?
    May God bless you as you want to trust Him, obey Him and honor Him in your marriage and ministry.
    A bientôt,
    Muriel W.


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Muriel ~

      How exciting! I would love for you to do that! Can I send your email address to Ashley at Moody Publishers and have her connect with you on the details? Also, are you aware that there is a French edition of “Fierce Women” ?

      Soooo grateful for your willingness to help spread hope and encouragement to marriages through serving in this way!

      God bless, friend ~


  65. Posted by Debbie Dovel

    Kimberly,
    I was part of a True Woman 101 Bible Study at my church a couple of years ago, where I first saw & heard you on the videos we viewed as part of the weekly study. I lovedthe True Woman philosophy and totally agree that it is what our society needs today. I came across your book “Fierce Women” and also the one you co-authored with your husband, “Men Who Love Fierce Women” a couple months ago. I purchased one for myself and the other for my husband, although I don’t think he’s read more than a few pages yet. I have also read some of it in able to encourage my husband to read it and to read the man’s point of view. My husband is a hunter & outdoors man like yours. In fact, he just got a 10 point buck here in Iowa with his bow yesterday. I’m sure your husband would have much in common with mine!
    Amazingly, I received a notification on FB from the NE Christian Women’s Conference just last month that you & your husband will be guest speakers at their annual conference in West Point, NE, which is just 2 1/2 hours from where I live here in southwest Iowa. I immediately registered for the conference and reserved a motel room, and I’m working my way thru your book, highlighting so many things that speak to me on being a “fierce” woman, although my husband has called it a different word that I won’t repeat! We have always had a tumultuous relationship and he used verbal abuse from the very beginning of our marriage, which broke my heart and I guess, eventually hardened it. He was raised in the Catholic Church, and I am a Baptist, which I didn’t think would matter so much, or at least that’s what I told myself. I knew that it’s not the denomination, but our personal relationships with Christ that really matters, but I don’t believe he really has one and mine has been severely strained at times. That and so many other things, losing our 24 year old son to Batten’s Disease which took him from us a little at a time over the years, until he finally went home to be with the Lord just 2 1/2 years ago, have turned me into someone I don’t even know. I used to be a good Christian, kind and understanding, I thought, NOT judgmental or critical, but now I find myself being overly critical, complaining and angry much of the time. Although I pray and do my devotions daily, God seems so very far away. That’s why so much of your words in Fierce Women spoke to me. I couldn’t believe that someone whom I knew as a respected Christian woman like yourself could feel so many of the same things that I do. I sincerely want God to change me, soften my heart towards my husband and everyone else in my life and help me to find joy once more, to put an end to the critical spirit within me! I thought I’d be coming to the conference in NE by myself, but had reserved a room with 2 beds just in case someone else could go with me. Then at the last minute, my best friend, actually my maid of honor at my wedding, who has known both my husband & me for the past 35 years of our marriage, decided to accompany me! We are both looking forward to having a girl’s get away weekend and learning more about how to “soften” our fierce side! Looking forward to meeting you in West Point, NE this weekend!


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Debbie!

      I am so glad you’ll be joining us this weekend. We are on our way there, now. I hope you don’t have any trouble getting there with the snow! Please come up and introduce yourself 🙂

      I’m so sorry for the painful experiences that you’ve faced. I pray that this weekend will be helpful and that God will meet with you in tender and healing ways. May Jesus provide you with hope, joy, and renewed love for Him and others.

      Hoping to see you, soon!


      • Posted by Debbie Dovel

        Kim,
        I so enjoyed the conference in West Point, NE today, and I was so pleased that you came by my table to visit. Your words and those of your husband really spoke to me, and during Leroy’s prayer time today, I sincerely prayed for forgiveness of my stubborn “fierce woman” spirit and for guidance to have a more gentle, quiet spirit towards my husband and everyone else in my life. Unfortunately, we had to come home this afternoon, so I wasn’t able to stay over for tomorrow’s session. I will continue reading your book and also the “Men Who Love Fierce Women” also. Hopefully, I can get my husband to read it, too, and I will look up the video you told me about on your website and have him watch it. Thanks so much for your words of wisdom and your prayers. God bless both of you as you minister to others! Have a very special Thanksgiving!


  66. Posted by Meredith

    Hi Kimberly, not sure if a previous comment went through or not so I am trying again. “Fierce Women” has been a tremendous and timely blessing. Although single in my late 20s, the principles still apply to many relationships in my life, and I am thankful to be challenged and wrestle with these issues now as I prayerfully and expectantly wait on the Lord for marriage. (On a lighter note, in case no one else has answered the question – the humorous “reward your husband like a dog” anecdote is from an old Bobby Darin/Sandra Dee movie – “If a Man Answers”!) Blessings to you!


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Meredith ~

      Thank you for your encouragement! I LOVE knowing that the book was helpful to you, even though you’re single 🙂 I pray that God will give you much opportunity for growth and service in these years of waiting on Him with the possibility of marriage.

      So sorry I’m just now finding your comment, I hope you find my reply! 🙂


  67. Posted by sarah

    Hi Kim,
    i have read your website and heard your testimony, years ago, and at the time it made an impact but i just find i go back to my old self.
    I need prayers. lots of them.
    I feel like I’m just failing at this, being a good wife thing….and like you described somewhere, like my focus and my adoration and admiration is not really on my husband but on my own work and my own doings and things…I really feel sad and lost.


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Sarah ~

      I’m so sorry that I’m just now reading your comment. It’s hard work to “learn to love our husbands well.” Do you have a couple of older, wise, and spiritually mature women in your life? That is something that is so helpful on days when you’re feeling sad and lost. Give one of them a call and ask them to just speak truth to you . . . I’ve often done that! It really helps to have another woman come alongside and pray with you, and offer objective thoughts.

      Pausing to pray for you now, friend ~


  68. Posted by Marine Thibaut

    I’m reading this book ” Fierce wooman”, and i would like to let you know …Thank you for all prayer you did for us. I would mean, i’m not married, but i’m engaged in a relation with someone, and i knew i was really dificult to control. But Jesus have a look on every, single or not, person. I saw your book in a bookshop an i bought it for my mother. She asked me to read it so i made it.
    It’s hard to say, but we had few problem and we needed, or i needed for us to read this. And to ask myself about what i really was, to make a change in my life with jesus, and to beggin my marriage within problem of bad fierce and bad communication with my futur husband.
    I’m young but i really want trying to send thought like this in France. I have a blog and i would like to speak about my love for jesus through it. But i don’t really know how to do. Maybe you have any advice for me ?

    God bless you

    Marine Thibaut
    From france


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Marine ~

      First of all, I’m so glad that you are wanting to use your blog to speak about your love for Jesus! And the fact that you’re young really encourages and excites me. You are an answer to my prayer, I’m asking God to raise up an army of young women who will be truth speakers in this generation and spread God’s glory across the globe!

      My advice?

      1. Get into the Word and spend time with the Savior. Let your blog be the place where you share what God is teaching you, let it be an overflow from what He is doing in your life. That is the most important thing—connect deeply with God before trying to share Him with others.

      2. Get some practical help by reading good blogs. When you find a post that is helpful and encouraging, take note of why that author was able to convey content that was compelling. Did they start with a story or illustration that grabbed your attention? Did they write in a way that sounded like they were talking naturally right to you instead of sounding formal or preachy?

      3. Write out the main point that you want the post to revolve around. For example, if you want to write a post about how you find encouragement through spending time in the Psalms, write one sentence that summarizes that thought and then add to that thought by giving an example or a description of what that looks like. Perhaps use a Psalm that you can break down in chunks and share how its truths bring personal encouragement.

      4. Write as a means of glorifying God, not to draw attention to yourself. If you are called to write, you will write because you have to, not just as a fad. It’s a driving impulse to communicate God’s reality and goodness to others that is like a burning fire.

      5. Get input from your friends and invite others to come alongside you with their thoughts. Include a question or two at the end of your blog post and if people leave comments (which is a joy to a writer), you can usually tell if your post made a connection or was something they found helpful.

      6. Write with candor and transparency (appropriately), don’t reflect negatively on others, but share about your life, your thoughts, hopes, and dreams, and how God is at work in those areas of your life.

      7. Pray as you write. Ask God to direct your thoughts and provide the insight to write in ways that will encourage your readers to pursue Him and desire to know Him more intimately.

      Also, if you see a post on this site that you think might be helpful or could encourage others, feel free to copy the content (but be sure and let the readers know where the post came from with the link to this website and who wrote the post).

      I hope you’ll subscribe to get posts delivered to your inbox and stay connected here. Send me the link to your blog site, I would love to see it 🙂

      May your words for Jesus reach many!

      “Praise be to his glorious name forever; may the whole earth be filled with his glory. Amen and Amen.” (Psalm 72:19)


  69. Posted by Natasha

    Hello Kimberly! God used your book to change my marriage and my life. He also provided it at just the right moment. You and your husband sounded like spitting images of me and mine. It also made me feel that my strong personalty was OKAY. It just needed to be channeled in a healthy way for Kingdom purposes. I was one of the women who assumed I needed a “personality transplant” as you called it lol.

    Also, through your story, I’m learning just how much my book might impact others as I too am an author. It gives me courage to continue sharing my story with boldness. It also made me re think sharing more of personal story (the parts of my past I wanted to keep secret). Anyhow, I released my book this past August. In 2003, when I was 15 years old, I became pregnant with my oldest son. During my 5th month of pregnancy, my son’s father was murdered. Since I love to write, I immediately began writing to him as a therapeutic way to release my pain (although I knew he would never receive it). I found this several-year-long letter in 2015 and decided to publish it and dedicate to my son who is now 13. I’m happily married now with 3 more children now and God has blessed us abundantly. Thank you for sharing your story and please check my book out if you have time! Gods taking me to the next level with it and I could use some prayer as well!!!!

    https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1/156-3611334-9607243?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=natasha+grantz


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Natasha ~

      Thank you for sharing some of your story, so encouraging to hear how God faithfully works! I pray that He uses you to write words that will encourage others to love God and others more deeply and to press into all God has for them!

      God bless ~


  70. Posted by Angela

    Hi Kim..
    I have listened to a lot of broadcasts about your marriage an it sounds a lot like ours. It’s dead, lifeless an hopeless. We’ve cried out to God so many times but it only gets worse. We have only been married 4 years an have 3 small children, an I fear so much for them. My husband has hurt me extremely much in our marriage an I admit I have become a very fierce woman through that. I want to, and pry need to get your book and start applying those things. Sometimes I’m frustrated tho, why does it always have to be the woman who needs to change things first ? I know me and my husband are both at fault in r marriage. I am to fierce, and my husband has career as his top priority. An honestly I can’t overcome the hurt of never being good looking enough for him, and him looking to a different body type than mine. What can we do ? I areuggle with surrender and submission to God, but do I have to have that down pat before God will intervene in r marriage ?


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Angela ~

      I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling in a painful marriage, such deep sorrow comes with that! You’ve asked a lot of good questions, and I may not be able to answer thoroughly in a blog post, but I encourage you to read “Fierce Women.” I think you’ll find it helpful, also check out the blog posts on marriage on this website.

      The question “why does it always have to be the woman who needs to change things first?” is the wrong question. We ALL need to be changed. But even when our husbands are unwilling to do the right thing, we don’t seek to change “for them” we seek to be right with God, in order to glorify God–because that’s what matters most.

      Here are a few posts that might help to answer some of your questions, I hope you’ll check them out:

      http://www.kimberlywagner.org/?p=4746

      http://www.kimberlywagner.org/?p=3033

      http://www.kimberlywagner.org/?p=6691

      Pausing to pray for you and your marriage now, friend ~


  71. Posted by Michelle Allgood

    Please pray for my marriage. My husband wants a divorce. He claims he can’t trust me and I make all his choices. I used to but it hasn’t been long enough for his heart to accept it. He says he wants a divorce simply because it’s his choices. God has delivered me. Please pray for wonderful man’so heart.


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Michelle ~

      I am so very sorry. My heart breaks for you as I read this! Have you read “Fierce Women”? I think you might find it helpful. I encourage you to continue to pray for your husband and to provide him a safe place to voice his opinion. Appeal for reconciliation, but be patient as you wait for God to turn your husband’s heart. Please read through some of the comments above where I’ve addressed similar situations, also, I hope you’ll check out some of the posts on marriage on this website.

      Pausing now to pray for you and your husband, may God move in a powerful way to glorify Himself in your lives!


  72. Posted by Lisa

    You have indicated in one of your blogs that sometimes it can take a really long time for things to change or it may never change even if the right things are done. I have already been struggling for many years and no, I have not always been without sin. I have admitted things and I have gently called my husband out on his sins but he does not talk and when we go to the counselor, he acts like everything is fantastic and there are no issues and things are progressing. There are things progressing but they don’t directly connect to our interaction and communication with one another. I suggested a religious retreat for couples to try and get things back on track figuring we could focus on our marriage specifically but he just looks at it as a money grab. Yet, he will spend hundreds of dollars on Tim Horton’s during the year. I feel lost, empty and unworthy of his time and patience. Hence the reason, I am on this site. Even in the bible, not all couples stayed together. How do you know how long you should keep weathering it? Life is so short and I feel like this marriage is sucking the life out of me and preventing me from being able to fulfill what I am supposed to for God in this life. I am sorry, but that is how I feel. Once the children have grown, there will be nothing left for us. We have been married 20 years. The special dates throughout the year are lovely and I appreciate that my husband tries to recognize them, but they aren’t as important as the life you live with your spouse every day.


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Dear Lisa ~

      My heart breaks to hear your pain and know the desperation you’re experiencing. The sad reality is that a wife may do everything possible to exhibit godliness and Christ-like love to her husband without seeing any change in him or improvement in the relationship. But it sounds as though your husband attempts, in some ways, to convey his love for you in recognizing “special dates” through the year—many husbands do not even attempt that.

      There are no pat answers or easy solutions when there seems to be no real connection between a couple. The truth is that God’s grace is sufficient for every need, but that doesn’t mean that every situation will result in a happy ending. When two individuals are willing to walk in a state of repentance and humility, depending on God’s grace in applying the truth of His Word to desperate situations—even then it takes much hard work and perseverance to overcome selfish tendencies and begin to reap the joy of a one-souled marriage.

      God’s ultimate purpose for marriage is not our individual happiness—ultimately His purpose is for the world to see the gospel displayed (Ephesians 5:22-33). The amazing grace in all of it, however, is that when we establish the type of marital relationship described in this passage—we experience great joy and God receives great glory!

      Thank you for being honest about your feelings, but I need to be honest with you about the truth of the matter, if you choose to walk away from your marriage because you feel like the marriage is “sucking the life out of (you) and preventing (you) from being able to fulfill what (you are) supposed to (do?) for God in this life” as you said in your comment, then you will NOT be able to fulfill what God has for you in this life—because you will be stepping outside of God’s will by disobeying Scripture. Jesus made it very clear when He was asked about divorce, that marriage is a lifetime commitment:

      And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:3 –6)

      My prayer is that God will fill you with hope as He gives you a glimpse of what He can do. I pray that you will communicate openly, honestly and in loving humility, your heart to your husband and he will respond to your appeal to work on your daily relationship. I encourage you to find a few spiritually mature women in your church to whom you can safely confide and ask them to help you navigate through this process biblically.

      I am stopping now to pray for you and your husband. May you know the joy that comes from God pouring out His love on your relationship and binding the two of you together in that love. He is able to do far more than we can ask or think, more than you can imagine (Ephesians 3:14–21).

      I pray He fills your home with the peace and rest He alone provides and that both you and your husband will rely on Him alone as your complete fulfillment ~


  73. Posted by Clayton

    I have just published a Kindle book “My Marriage Miracle”.

    If you would like to promote it on your site it is available at Amazon.com for $4.99.

    If you would care for a copy please let me know and I will email you a pdf copy for your enjoyment at no cost.

    I am 81 years old and would greatly appreciate your help in marketing the book.

    Thanks and God bless you and your ministry.

    Clayton


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Clayton ~

      Wow, so encouraging to meet an author that is 81 years old and still being used by God to write! Yes, I would love a copy of your book, you can email the pdf here: kimberly.wagner.online@gmail.com

      Thank you so much, I look forward to reading it and sharing about it 🙂


  74. Posted by Barb peachey

    Kim , I subscibed to your daily post and got it for about a week and then it stopped . The last one I received was March 3 . I love reading them and hope they can continue . It was the first thing I did in the morning🙂


    • Posted by Kimberly Wagner

      Hello, Barb ~

      Sorry about the delay! (Next week, I have a post coming out that will explain some of the reasons for the long gap between posts.) Your comment was SO ENCOURAGING to me! It is rewarding to know that the daily posts are a blessing to you and that you noticed when they didn’t show up in your inbox. I hope you got yesterday’s and today’s. Hopefully, you’ll be getting them on a more regular basis, but sometimes, life hits, and I miss a few days posting 🙂

      Hope you’ll stay connected here, God bless ~


  75. Posted by Hopeful

    Dear Kimberly

    I have just been reading through all these stories of broken marriages and your encouraging responses to hurting, lonely women.
    My story is much the same. After only two years of marriage, I feel like we should still be in ‘wedded bliss’ but instead I am faced with a very dark, difficult and toxic situation. I am weirdly encouraged that all theses stories sound so similar. It makes me feel less lonely in my oh so lonely marriage. I know the changes I need to make, and to be honest, I am quite chuffed with my progress. But I feel discouraged when my husband does not respond at all and I am still left feeling alone and unloved despite my hard work. Thank You Kimberly for sharing your experience and the wisdom that you have gained from it all.


  76. Posted by unhappy man

    Hi,
    No man loves a Fierce Woman . My wife act aggressive and very opinionated sometimes and I hate it. Some times I let her have her way because I want to avoid quarrels but its not a good way of dealing with stuff because it comes back to hurt us ..
    What can I do ?


  77. Posted by Thomas

    Hello Mrs. Wagner,
    I heard you and your husband’s testimony a few months ago on Focus and the Lord has broken me. My wife and I have been married for almost 25 years and we are roommates. I accept the blame for that. We were in love once. But, due to my misguided priorities and sin in my life, I lost the most precious thing that I ever had. The Lord has broken me and opened my eyes. I have been clean and sober for over 30 days for the first time in 30 years. I have been in the Word almost daily and I’m asking God to transform me from what I was to the husband that my wife deserves.

    I am asking God to break me as many times as it takes and I want to have a restored relationship with the Lord and with my wife. More than anything in the world, I want to be in love with my wife again and I want her to be in love with me.

    Can God restore to me what I lost and can he piece back together my broken marriage to the point where my wife and I are soulmates again and SHE is in love with me? Or, is this just wishful thinking?


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