Most young women dream about the man who will one day win her love. She imagines the details of her wedding day with great anticipation. When the day arrives, no bride expects heartache or broken vows, but she soon realizes the marriage doesn’t measure up to all her dreams. Two sinners attempting to meld into one glorious unit will undoubtedly experience conflict, stress and even spiritual attack. The wise bride recognizes that her vows are an entrance to a spiritual battlefield.
Often marriages are caught in a destructive relationship dynamic that I call the Fierce Woman/Fearful Man syndrome. In this cycle, a wife’s strengths can intimidate her husband. The Fierce Woman can be a living inspiration but her ferocity can also morph into her husband’s worst nightmare. He may respond to her fierceness by shutting down, running, responding in harsh anger or passively retreating to his own silent world. Rather than experiencing joy and companionship, the couple caught in this miserable cycle relate to one another more like alienated roommates than passionate lovers and friends.
Our marriage has experienced both extremes. Perhaps you’ve viewed our marriage video or heard our story on the Revive Our Hearts radio program. God stepped into our marriage when we were both miserable and had given up all hope of experiencing happiness as a couple. I’ve written a book on marriage that tells more of the story entitled Fierce Women: The Power of a Soft Warrior.
Okay, hearing the title, you may think it doesn’t sound like a book on marriage—but this book is written to women and it focuses on the power wives have to either inspire or destroy their husbands with fierceness. I’ve written it to share lessons I’ve learned along the way as well as give practical help for women who struggle with issues like: the desire to control your husband, using your God-given strengths to encourage rather than demean men, confronting a lazy or sinful husband, motivating a husband who may be good guy—but he won’t step up to the plate and take the lead.
The good news is that a strong woman doesn’t need to take on a wimpy persona or undergo a personality transplant in order to be the ideal wife. As a Fierce Woman, God desires for your fierceness to play an integral role in His plan for your marriage. In fact, you can develop a fresh and intimate relationship with your husband.
If you’re struggling in a difficult marriage, or even if you think you’ve got this marriage thing down pat . . . I invite you to join me on this journey of exploring how to become a fierce woman who is empowered by God’s Spirit and is battling for her marriage as a warrior softened by God’s grace.