When to Initiate, and When to Give Him a Little Room

Would you like greater unity and intimacy in your relationship with your husband? If so, I’m doing a series on APPRECIATION. Today I’m picking up with the letters I, A, and T. If you’re just joining us, you can check out the first post from this series here.

I – Initiate Intimacy Become a student of your husband in every area, but especially in the area of sexual pleasure. Ask him how you can please him. Be generous in your attention to him and playful in your pursuit of him (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).
Men who perceive themselves as being a “disappointment to their wives” usually put up walls of protection and may no longer desire this level of intimacy. Be patient and realize your husband may struggle with insecurity and fear being a disappointment in this area as well–this can be extremely intimidating for a man.
A – Allow Him to Fail Allow your husband the freedom to lead by allowing him to fail without fear of reprisal from you. He will fail. You fail. He will make decisions that aren’t best. Allow him to learn from his mistakes.
If you are continually stepping in to show him the best route to take, the best way to navigate the roadways of your lives, he will move aside and let you take the wheel–and he’ll never learn to how to be the driver.
When he does make a blunder, don’t emasculate him by beating him up over it. Help him to pick himself up, dust himself off, and get back in the saddle by finding ways to affirm him and offer hope.
T – Timing Be sensitive to your husband’s needs. Don’t initiate a potentially volatile conversation when he is under pressure from a deadline, exhausted, hungry, or has just arrived home.
Don’t rush in to vent your feelings to him when you are in an emotional state. Practice self-control and spend some time in prayer, seeking God’s grace for peace and tranquility before approaching him with a situation that needs to be discussed.

“Put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity”(Colossians 3:12-14).

Do you need to work more on initiating with your husband, or giving him a little room?

Originally posted 12.01.10 at


  • Tambra Lucas

    Thank you dear sister again for your post today, I so appreciate your words of wisdom that God has given you to share with us through your experiences in your marriage, and through seeking God on living out His Word in our marriages.
    We need those building blocks of truth spoken to us in order that we may build our marriages upon the foundation of His Word and be exactly what He has called us to be as Godly wives and lovers of our husbands but first and foremost lovers of His Word. I also agree with you in initiating intimacy with our husbands. Ladies being in love with your husband is fun and exciting!!
    Initiating lovemaking time can be so rewarding, and can build a love/trust relationship that glorifies God and its being obedient to His Word. And not that we are to do this for selfish motives because God knows the intentions of the heart. (1Samuel 16:7, Proverbs 21:2) But when we submit ourselves in a way that we desire to be with our man, they will want to be all they can be for us and are more willing to serve our desires and listen to what we have to say when we put time aside for them showing them how important they are to us, this makes them feel and trust that we really do love them!

  • Natalie

    Thank you! I am reading through your blog, and it has just the encouragement and gentle admonishment I need. May The Lord bless you for your faithfulness to Him and service to His body.

    In Christ,

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Natalie ~

    Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment and for your kind words. I am so glad you are joining us and hope you feel free to share your heart here, ask for prayer requests, and pass on words of encouragement to other readers.

    Blessings ~