Yesterday I shared with you that as a child, I clung to Jesus as my safe place. He became my sanctuary. I’ve never gotten over the fact that He would call me to Himself (even knowing everything about me!) and demonstrate His love for me by taking my sins on Himself. Experiencing this kind of love, why would I ever look for satisfaction anywhere else?
But I have.
Desiring a love relationship is a good desire. God is the one who came up with the whole marriage thing. It’s all His idea. But sometimes we get things turned a little upside down. Like when we start looking to our husbands to meet our deepest needs.
On the third night of our honeymoon, my husband woke up to the pathetic sound of a crying new bride. When he asked me what was wrong, I spilled out my complaint: “You fell asleep on me!”
Rather than being thankful that this worn-out man had driven hundreds of miles to get us safely to our destination (um . . . to be honest, while I napped), I focused on my hurt and took offense at his seeming insensitivity.
I was lying there beside him, in the dark, longing for what I wanted but wasn’t getting. I deserved “MORE!” attention . . . “MORE!” cuddling and quality time . . . “MORE!”
Get out the red-flag!
My little pity-party on our honeymoon night was a red flag signaling that I was looking to LeRoy for my security and happiness.
When I’m doing that, my husband has become my idol.
I’m not saying it’s wrong to want attention from our husbands . . . that’s healthy and normal. That’s a good desire. But when I don’t get what I want and my reaction is sinful—that’s a clear signal that my good desire has moved into the demand category. And anything I’m demanding to have in order to be happy is something that is robbing God of His position as my satisfaction. When I’m fully satisfied in Him—I’m content.
The beautiful fierce woman is fully immersed in the forgiveness and love of Christ and He holds her heart so completely that she’s reached true contentment—in Christ. She’s not demanding that her husband be her all-in-all. She’s clinging to Christ for that. She’s looking to God be her complete fulfillment and no one else. Her deepest desire is met by Christ.
In the book Fierce Women: the Power of a Soft Warrior, I include a list of the characteristics of a beautiful fierce woman. The first one listed is:
Her identity and value are rooted in her relationship with Christ
rather than a relationship with a man.
If you’d like the entire list, you can download that pdf here.
Are you clinging to Christ or have you seen a few red flags lately?