Peeling Open my Tightly Gripped Fingers

Several years ago my husband was considering making a major decision that was going to impact my life dramatically.


I felt like it was the wrong decision. I mean REALLY the wrong decision!

I voiced my concerns and thoughts. He listened, but it didn’t change his mind. I was struggling with it all when a friend quietly reminded me of the fact that one day, when I stand before the Lord, He’s not going to hold me accountable for straightening out my husband on all those earthly choices . . . but He will hold me accountable for loving my husband well. 

Her statement challenged me to get me eyes off the temporary and put them on what matters—the eternal. I’ve learned in the years since that conversation with her, that challenging myself with eternal-perspective-questions helps me when I have trouble peeling my tightly gripped fingers open to let go of the temporary. Here’s a few that help me put things into perspective.

Questions to Loosen Your Grip:

Is this temporary or eternal?

Will this really matter a month from now, a year from now, in eternity?

Who is benefitted by me hanging onto this?

What is the worst that can happen if I let this go?

Am I operating in fear or in faith by holding onto this?

Will holding onto this be harmful to my walk with God? To our marriage?

Is holding onto this worth the potential of crushing my husband’s spirit?

When I stand before God one day, will He commend me for keeping a death-grip on this?

What if every woman became as passionate about letting go of the little stuff as she is about clinging to her personal preferences or holding onto her power of control?

What if every woman was willing to apply her fierceness to cultivating self discipline for the die-to-self moments?

What if “letting go” became a way of life? How different would your life look?

Portions of this post are excerpts from Fierce Women: The Power of a Soft Warrior © 2012• Kimberly Wagner • Moody Publishers