Challenging Your Man to Robust Christianity

Your role as helper is to aid your husband in becoming all that God has created him to be—to be “his iron sharpening iron” (Proverbs 27:17).  Deep down every true man of God wants to do the right thing, he wants to be the spiritual leader, he wants to live all out for God’s glory; he doesn’t want to waste his life. When all is said and done, he wants to hear those words, “Well done faithful servant.” He wants you to be able to believe in him, to be able to say with all sincerity that you are confident in his leadership because you know he’s a man who walks with God.

You may be thinking “Not my man—his biggest dream is Sunday afternoon football with no interruptions!” Maybe that’s all you can see from the outside, but don’t discount your power of influence, as a Spirit-controlled woman, to fuel his passion for Christ.

This is no job for weak-willed women. It takes intentional dependence on the Spirit, immense self-control, and wisdom from the Word, to learn the difficult art of challenging your husband to godliness without demeaning him. To encourage him to continue pushing the envelope in spiritual growth without nagging, belittling or preaching.

Often when wives exert the strength God placed within them, the husband caves to passivity or rises in aggression. I’ve seen the pattern repeated far too frequently and watched it squeeze the life from many a vibrant relationship. I personally experienced the damage in my own marriage. But it is possible to reverse that trend. I want to encourage you to apply yourself to learning the delicate art of inspiring your husband to press in to spiritual growth. I’ve written down my thoughts on a few ways to do this. If you’re interested in checking it out, click here to download the pdf: Challenging Your Man to Robust Christianity.

Portions of this post are excerpts from Fierce Women: The Power of a Soft Warrior © 2012• Kimberly Wagner • Moody Publishers

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  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Kendal ~

    Thank you for sharing this link (again!) the site administrator will be in contact with you to get your mailing address so you can (finally) receive your gift copy 🙂

    Please join me in praying for other women who are reading the book. May God raise up a host of women who fiercely love Christ and glorify Him in their marriages!


  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Deborah ~

    Thank you for sharing this link on your facebook page! The site administrator will be in contact with you to get your mailing address so you can receive your gift copy 🙂

    I would love to hear how God uses the book in your life! Please join me in praying for women who are reading the book.


  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Melissa,

    The site administrator will be in contact with you to get your mailing address so you can receive your gift copy 🙂

    Please join me in praying for other women who are reading the book.I hope you’ll let me know how God uses the book in your life.

    Blessings ~

  • Jennifer

    Why do I keep getting the feeling that I am responsible for my man’s walk with Christ, for his leadership and more. Can we say I didn’t do what I was supposed to do because of so and so?

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Jennifer ~

    Thank you for your comment. You definitely are not responsible for your husband’s spiritual condition or his failure to fulfill his role. As his wife you can serve as an encourager which will at times include holding what I call “salty grace talks” where you honestly, but with humility, talk to him about your concerns (Col. 4:6; Eph. 4:29).

    There may even be times when you recognize an area of habitual sin when you’ll need to lovingly confront your husband (Gal. 6:1–2; Proverbs 27:5–6). In the book, “Fierce Women”, I include a section on this in the Appendix.

    Each of us are responsible to walk in obedience to God–loving Him and loving others. Our challenge as wives is to extend true love that is the beautiful balance of grace and truth.

    Blessings ~

  • Kristina

    posted to my facebook
    thank you for sharing your story it is so encouraging to know that the LORD can use my fierceness for His glory when I yield (submit) to Him as I yield (submit) to my husband!
    pls pray for me, the more I press into God and His ways the more of a battle I find myself in. I need not become battle weary, for I know He is VICTORIOUS!!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Dear Kristina,

    I am pausing now to pray for you.

    The Lord is faithful, I pray that He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. May the Lord direct your heart into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ.

    Kristina, I pray that you will not grow weary of doing good and may the Lord of peace Himself continually grant you peace in every circumstance.

    Blessings ~

  • admin

    Hello Deborah! Yes, we have mailed the books out. I am sorry that you have not received your copy. I will be e-mailing you for your mailing address so that we can try this again.

    Thank you for your patience!

  • Colleen

    I absolutely cannot wait to read the details behind this post. This is something that I am passionate about. We women yield such a power and do few of us know how to use it for good in our relationship and in our husband’s life.

    Woohoo! I’m off to read more!


  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Colleen ~

    Welcome to the site. I’m glad to hear you’re passionate about using your strengths to come alongside your husband and be a true “help mate” to him. Have you ever read “Fierce Women: The Power of a Soft Warrior”? I think you might find it helpful in your pursuit of loving your husband well.

    Good to “meet” you!

  • Jessica Harvey

    Hi Kimberley! Just heard about your book today and have been perusing your blog.
    I would really like to do better at encouraging my husband to robust Christianity – not only so that he would be a better leader, but because I so long for him to find the joy and sense of calling that I have found in wholeheartedly following the Lord!

    Can I ask a question? I have often read the advice to “appeal to your husband’s desire to serve as protector/provider”, but I don’t think my husband really has this desire. He has often said he would rather it if I could go to work and he could stay home with our kid. And often when I try the “bat my eyelashes and play damsel in distress”, he seems more annoyed that I have called him away from whatever he was doing (even if it’s to lift something heavy or squash a bug!).
    So how do I encourage my man to a robust faith, when he doesn’t seem to fit into this masculine stereotype?

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Dear Jessica,

    Welcome to the blog site, glad to have you! Sadly, your situation is becoming more common in couples. I don’t necessarily recommend taking the “damsel in distress” route, but communicating honestly with humility. It seems that after the feminist influence of the 70s, many men have lost an understanding of their role as husbands and fathers. I bring out my thoughts on this cultural shift, and its consequences, in the book.

    I don’t know whether your husband is a Christian or whether he is a reader, but I was talking with a couple recently who was doing the True Woman 101 study together (although it is written for women) and the husband said it has helped him so much in his understanding of his role as a man. You can check out the workbook and videos here:

    Also, Tony Evans has a book that is helpful. “Kingdom Man: Every Man’s Destiny, Every Woman’s Dream.”

    Your husband may not be one who likes to read, and I don’t know your relationship, he may consider it nagging for you to invite him to read a book like this with you. I encourage you to affirm what small moves he makes toward masculinity and filling the protector role that God designed him to serve in. Also, in the book I expand more on the theme of becoming a woman of influence in his life, and helping him to step up to the plate as the leader in your home.

    Sorry for such a delayed response. With the holidays, I’ve been quite limited in the amount of time I spend online. Lots of family activity going on here!

    I hope you’ll check out Fierce Women and some of the resources I mentioned above.

  • Jessica

    Thank you for your response, and I completely understand the delay!
    My husband is not really a reader, and I think he would feel quite burdened if I asked him to read something (he already has 3 half-finished books on his bedside table that have been there for about 2 years!).
    He is a Christian, but I think he really lacks a sense of calling and direction.
    I will read your book and stick with persistent prayer for him and encouraging the small things (and the big things!).
    Thanks again for your response.