Being Fake

I don’t want to be fake!

One thing that makes blogging difficult is hearing from women who really need help and knowing I’m very limited in what I can do to help. I love sharing truth with women here, but I ache when I receive a note from a woman filled with painful questions. I want to offer a hug, to reach out to tell her—God can work in this—while looking into her eyes. I would love to have real-time, real-life, daily input into women’s lives who are genuinely seeking answers and are willing to make tough choices.

But when I respond to blog comments, I’m limited to communicating with the hurting through this screen, in small doses, rather than doing real life with them.

Recently, I felt that ache again when I had a woman leave a comment saying she was told she needs to “pretend” (as though she has positive feelings when she doesn’t) and put on an act to affirm her husband. She was asking how she could spend her whole life “acting and being fake” in order to encourage her husband.

Putting on an act and being fake is never the solution to any problem.  

Obeying Scripture involves hard choices—which may mean demonstrating self-control, kindness, respect, or appreciation—when we don’t “feel” like demonstrating those character traits. Choosing to “put on” the attributes of Christ is not taking on a false persona, but is cultivating His character, reflecting Him, to others.

It requires a willful choice to humble myself and call out for His grace to demonstrate to others His likeness: 

[box]So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.

Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father. (Col. 3:12–17)[/box]

You or I cannot make the tough choices that love requires on our own. It is only by crying out to God for His work of grace—asking Him for “HELP!” when we are in need of transformation.

In order to demonstrate true love to others, to look like Him, our hearts and minds must be fully renewed by the Word (Col. 3:1–10), and we must walk in the grace that is available when we are fully surrendered to God’s will and plan (Galatians 5:13–26). It is not “putting on a fake persona” but being renewed by God’s truth, which brings a change of heart, and humbly applying that truth to our lives, which brings a change of action.

I hope you didn’t miss Tuesday’s blog post where I introduced you to some of my friends who truly have been changed. They are not “faking” God’s beautiful work in their lives which has completely changed their actions. Check out their video on Tuesday’s post and ask God the same question I ask every time I sing the song at the end of the video.


  • Debbie S

    Once again I thank you for using your passion for the Lord to reach out in such a dynamic ministry through your blog and your various speaking engagements. It’s phenomenal that you do all this and still maintain a solid marriage and raising godly children. The Lord is certainly blessing your devotion to him.
    You mention your desire to be able to reach out and hug the hurting you interact with via your blog. That comment serves to further validate your passion and great love for the Lord and your love for the lives you touch here.
    So often in the past when I have heard pleas for help whether it be missionaries or charitable organizations I have felt so limited in how I could help. Mostly it was lack of funds to contribute, sometimes it was logistics in getting away to be physically involved in the works, and to be honest many times it was a lack of faith that blinded me to creatively ponder how I could actively participate.
    I remember once speaking to a missionary and apologetically commenting that “all I can do is pray.” She responded by saying that praying was the single most important way I could participate in support of her work.
    Dear Sister, I know you are a prayer warrior. I know you take the time to pray for your readership. Even when you can’t “reach out and touch” those who need encouragement the Lord answers your prayers and sends someone in your stead. Most importantly He sends His Holy Spirit, the Comforter, who surrounds these hurting ones with His love and grace. Your work as a teacher, role model, mentor, and prayer warrior puts you on the front lines of the fight and even if you aren’t physically down in the trenches God always is because by His grace your prayers have drawn Him there.
    Continued blessing on your ministry.
    With love for Christ and my fellow warrior,

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Debbie ~

    Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. Your comment is a balm to my soul and I think I’ll save it to refer to when I’m feeling weary and wondering whether any impact for the gospel is being made. I’m only able to function at this pace because of the current season of life I’m in. Our children are adults and we love spending time with them, but right now I’m no longer functioning as a care-giver for a parent or children.

    My husband is such a blessing–my greatest encourager. He prays through every speaking invitation I receive, gives counsel and direction before we accept any additional ministry opportunities. I am so grateful for that, I need that protection and his leadership.

    We have adopted Psalm 92:12–15 as our passage for ministry during this season. We are asking God to allow us to be fruitful for Him–to our last breath. I’m also praying God will raise up many others who are in our season of life to consecrate these years intentionally for spreading the gospel to the ends of the earth through various means.

    Thank you so much for your word of encouragement concerning how the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, is faithful to take something as limited as this form of communication and use it to minister to needy hearts. So grateful for the efficacy of the Spirit and the power of God to work beyond what we can imagine!

    Thank you for your prayers for me as I seek to minister to women . . . I am much in need of His grace and discernment, it means so much to know that sisters like you are interceding for me and for the women I encounter. You play a part in all God does as you serve as an intercessor!

    Praying you have a precious Lord’s day tomorrow and find sweet refreshment in His ministry to you. Thank you again for “speaking words of life” to me today 🙂

    May God’s great name and reality be known throughout our globe!