We’d been married just over a year when God’s sovereignty collided with my plans for children. I’ve always been a planner. Since I was old enough to think, I planned. Being a planner can be a helpful attribute, but it can get you into trouble as well.
I “planned” my family before I was even married! At least four children and the first one had to be a girl! About ten months after the honeymoon, I remember being initially shocked—but later elated, as the nurse at my OB/GYN told me I was pregnant.
Immediately I went into action! First, I bought a lavender “newbie-sized” dress, little socklettes, and the cutest diaper bag ever. I started making lists and getting prepared for the new arrival.
Of course, this was going to be a girl—that was my plan!
I’ll never forget waking up to the searing pain of miscarriage in the early morning hours. I had never felt such intensity of physical pain. I slipped into the bathroom without telling my husband what was wrong—I knew there must be some mistake. I had a major discussion with God in the bathroom. In my arrogance, I demanded this baby’s life be spared. That’s when the collision occurred.
God so firmly, yet tenderly, reminded me, “I am the only God; there are no others. I am the one who takes life and gives it again” (Deut. 32:39).
Miscarriage . . .
Loss . . .
Deep pain . . .
It would be four long years before God gave us our little girl. And another four before He brought our son. He never gave us the four children I planned.
The miscarriage was a turning point in my life. It was a time of painful loss and confusion, but it sent me to my knees and to God’s Word in search of answers.
I don’t know all the reasons why God chose to limit the size of our family to this number. I don’t know why some women receive a houseful. I just know His plans are good, He is God—and I’m not.
Have you suffered the loss of miscarriage?
How has God met you in that pain?