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Family Planning

We’d been married just over a year when God’s sovereignty collided with my plans for children. I’ve always been a planner. Since I was old enough to think, I planned. Being a planner can be a helpful attribute, but it can get you into trouble as well.

I “planned” my family before I was even married! At least four children and the first one had to be a girl! About ten months after the honeymoon, I remember being initially shocked—but later elated, as the nurse at my OB/GYN told me I was pregnant.

Immediately I went into action! First, I bought a lavender “newbie-sized” dress, little socklettes, and the cutest diaper bag ever. I started making lists and getting prepared for the new arrival.

Of course, this was going to be a girl—that was my plan!

I’ll never forget waking up to the searing pain of miscarriage in the early morning hours. I had never felt such intensity of physical pain. I slipped into the bathroom without telling my husband what was wrong—I knew there must be some mistake. I had a major discussion with God in the bathroom. In my arrogance, I demanded this baby’s life be spared. That’s when the collision occurred.

God so firmly, yet tenderly, reminded me, “I am the only God; there are no others. I am the one who takes life and gives it again” (Deut. 32:39).

Miscarriage . . .

Loss . . .

Deep pain . . .

It would be four long years before God gave us our little girl. And another four before He brought our son. He never gave us the four children I planned.

The miscarriage was a turning point in my life. It was a time of painful loss and confusion, but it sent me to my knees and to God’s Word in search of answers.

I don’t know all the reasons why God chose to limit the size of our family to this number. I don’t know why some women receive a houseful. I just know His plans are good, He is God—and I’m not.

Have you suffered the loss of miscarriage?

How has God met you in that pain?

4 Comments

  • Terri

    Yes – a miscarriage, heartbreaking, life-shaking, baby waiting in heaven for me, I think that is my girl. I will meet her when God calls me home to be with him. It was his plan, I don’t know why, perhaps so I could empathize with others, to build my charater, to slow me down, to make me stop and enjoy the beautiful, challenged boy I was already blessed with? Perhaps he will explain it to me one day, until then I am so thankful for all the blessings & challenges I’ve had. My family looks exactly like it is supposed to – Autism & all…

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Terri ~

    Thank you for sharing. Your comment overflows with the fragrance of Christ as you humbly receive God’s plan with thankfulness. In your gracious acceptance it provides others with a tangible picture of a God who is worthy of our trust. I know your challenges are real, sometimes probably very tough, and daily, yet you are giving praise to God in your testimony. I hope others will read your comment and be encouraged and inspired if they are facing similar circumstances.

    May you experience tangible evidences of His grace today in your mothering role ~