The Other Side of Womanhood

I think I was in my early forties when the first wave hit me . . . it was like I was being engulfed in black darkness and drug to a pit of despair . . . and it came on so quickly and unexpectedly that I was sure it was a direct demonic onslaught.

For those who know me well, they will tell you that I am the eternal optimist. I DO believe the glass is half FULL and I DO choose rose-colored glasses rather than jumping to the worst-case scenario. When our children were young, they nick-named me “Tigger” and we all lovingly called my pessimistic-prone husband: Eeyore.

My father was an optimist and that surely had some influence on my disposition, but I always felt my outlook was primarily shaped by my understanding of God’s sovereignty. Which is why the dark pit was so frightening to me.

I easily lose sight of God’s sovereignty when I’m swallowed up by the dark pit. 

When I entered that foreign territory, I called a friend for prayer. I told her I didn’t feel like myself and couldn’t really explain why or what was happening, but this dark shroud was stifling me. I don’t remember what she prayed, but as I wept and cried out to God with her, I felt the cloud begin to dissipate some, which led me to assume that the darkness was the result of spiritual oppression.

Before I go any further, I need to clarify a few things:

  • Christians can legitimately experience bouts of depression brought on by a number of factors (health issues, sin issues, emotional trauma, and probably others I can’t think of right now).
  • A state of spiritual darkness is not necessarily due to spiritual attack or demonic oppression (when in a depleted physical or emotional state, however, I believe we are more vulnerable to those things).
  • God provides grace for every season of life—the final season of womanhood may be the most challenging in some ways, but for a believer, this season is reserved for the portion of life when we should be our hardiest as a soldier. This season follows years of opportunity for walking with God and maturing in the faith.

I thought that bout with darkness was settled when I hung up the phone after a powerful prayer time with my friend. Since it was the first time I experienced that feeling, I didn’t recognize it or connect it to the season of womanhood that I was quickly approaching. I didn’t have another episode like that for at least a year . . . little did I know it then, but that would be the first of many forays into the “M” season.

This is the first in a series of posts I’m doing about this (dreaded) season of womanhood. I’ll tell you in my next post why I call it the “M” season (and it’s not “M” as in “Mature”). Through this series, I hope to provide you with some encouragement and serve as an understanding friend.

You’ll definitely find a listening ear from me if you care to leave a comment.

What challenges do you have in your season of life?

Have you struggled with depression? How have you appropriated God’s grace?


  • Juliene Munts

    So glad you will be addressing this issue from a spiritual point of view. I am currently in the throes of it and have found it disconcerting, confusing and difficult–especially in the midst of trying to start an optimistic (rather large) ministry. So grateful to wait and watch with you! May God continue to reveal Himself through you!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Juliene ~

    Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment.Yes, “disconcerting, confusing, and difficult” is an apt description! I hope you’ll be encouraged, and feel free to add your thoughts as well!

    Blessings ~

  • Miyoshi

    There is a fine line in talking about depression. But as it relates to “M” it is almost taboo. Thank you for shining the light of Biblical truth on this. It truly can make you feel crazy. But Gods word can get us through it with joy! Blessings to you!

  • Kathleen A. Peck (@purisomniapura)

    Thanks so much for this post. My forties have been much like going through a black tunnel for many of the reasons outlined in this post. Being pre-M & experiencing lot’s of disruptive changes has really had an impact on my personality & disposition in so many ways. The worst is the continual feeling of being overwhelmed by even small things that in the past would have had no effect. I’m hoping as I get closer to the 50’s things will level out & in the meantime God sustains me through this difficult journey.

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Miyoshi ~

    Glad to hear from you! I’m guessing you may be able to relate to this week’s series of posts. Thank you for your encouragement . . . Yes, God’s Word is the key!

    Blessings dear friend ~

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Kathleen,

    Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment. I can relate to your “black tunnel” and personality changes. I really don’t want to finish my race as an “Eeyore!” My life passage is from Heb. 12:1–4 and I really believe it contains the key to victory for whatever we’re facing:

    “Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

    For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart . . .

    (and verse 4 is the key to overcoming my self-pity)

    You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin . . .”

    Loved hearing from you, friend! May you have an awesome day filled with tangible evidences of our Gracious God and King ~