Friendship Survey

If you read the blog yesterday, you saw my rant on the current trend of friendships as I threw out some ideas about the “Internet Paradox.” If you missed that post, check it out by clicking here.

I’m curious about your view of friendship and I hope you’ll share your thoughts with me below. You can leave a comment answering these questions by number, or just write out a basic summary of your thoughts. I can’t wait to hear from you!

  1. What does a close friendship look like?
  2. What are the main characteristics of a healthy friendship?
  3. How many close friends do you have?
  4. How many friends can you depend on to “speak truth into your life?”
  5. What elements lead to a broken friendship?
  6. How important are your friendships?
  7. Do you struggle with loneliness?

Okay, you hear from me all the time, now it’s your turn! I want to hear from you . . .

Ready, Set, Go!


  • Kim

    Frienship is something that God designed as it is part of the desire in humans that we have to not be alone. There are examples in the Bible of where God specifically calls people his friend. Friendship is knowing that you can trust at all times. Friendship means honesty and truth during the good, bad, and ugly. Friendship is standing in the gap to pray for a friend who doesn’t have the strength or words to pray. Moses’ hands were held up by two friends during a time of battle. Friendship means having your inner circle of three just like Jesus did. But not limiting yourself to be a friend to all who are in need of one. I am thankful for my close friends as they are all cherished, loved, and appreciated. Things that can ruin a friendship, lies and not putting forth effort to keep the friendship alive and thriving. I would encourage all women to pray specifically for God to bring at least 1 awesome woman of faith into her life to be that friend. He will answer. If not for my friends I would surely not be the woman of faith I am today. Love what I have gleaned from them through the years. They were an answer to prayer! Thank You, Father for theirs and your friendship! Love, Kim

  • Tamara

    1. Someone who is there beside you and vice versa. Someone who doesn’t just tell you what you want to hear but shares the truth. Someone you can count on and who can count on you. Someone who sticks around even through the hard stuff.
    2. Honest, like-minded, kind, does not have to spend time together but wants to when time allows.
    3. I would say 3 close friends not including my husband.
    4. several
    5. Lies or maybe hurts that are unresolved
    6. important
    7. no

  • Vivian Etherington

    A close friendship is one in which you are comfortable to talk about things that really matter; there is a depth to the relationship, a common bond in The Lord Jesus Christ. Genuine love for one another. There is freedom to ask hard questions/ keep one another accountable and share transparently about the struggles in your heart; no faking it! A close friendship is cultivated by time spent talking together face to face at times, praying together and for one another. A close friend is trustworthy and dependable. Many of those things also fit under the category of a healthy friendship. I would also add, for a friendship to be healthy there can be no jealousy of other friends and no possessiveness. I have probably 4 or 5 close friends. The answer would be the same for how many will speak truth into my life. Being undependable, a lack of forgiveness, an unwillingness to invest time in the relationship would be factors in a broken friendship. God uses my friends in my life a lot. I have learned much about the Lord, walking with Him, and loving Him more from my friends– they are invaluable to me! Friends are wonderful gifts from God! Lonely, no.

  • Robyne Cote

    What does a close friendship look like?
    Trust! Ease of conversation,Love, Concern, Accountability. Someone who will be honest with you and hold you accountable to the standards in your life. Someone you can laugh with and cry with over both the silly and hard things in your life. Someone you can share thoughts with, feelings that may not make sense, and be able to walk and talk through them to find a Godly perpsective. Someone you don’t have to talk to or see everyday, but who is there for you when you need them and vice versa. Someone who can edify and build you up, help you carry your burdens and pray with you, rejoice with you and love you like Christ has shown us to do.

    What are the main characteristics of a healthy friendship?
    I think I actually answered more of this question in the first one 🙂

    How many close friends do you have?
    More than 10… but interestingly they come from different corners in my life, and I am feeling a shift from my once closer friends to another set who are more connected in the Body of Christ, and less worldly. The first set are still close and precious to me, but in a different way and there is definitely a different connection I have with the ones who will always be there when I need them, but also hold me and encourage me within the boundaries of God’s love and grace. I’m feeling this more and more all the time, especially in this season of my life. I just lost my husband to suicide in March and have three young boys to raise on my own now. While I have been loved and supported from all angles, there is a marked difference in the love and service from my newer- but closer Christian friends.

    How many friends can you depend on to “speak truth into your life?”
    I should read these through before answering as I go 🙂 I would say consistently about 5, but could seek out others for counsel and prayer if needed.

    What elements lead to a broken friendship?
    Broken trust, Dishonesty, Gossip

    How important are your friendships?
    EXTREMELY! I would not have survived this season without them!!! God has used my girlfriends in an incredible way to encourage, support, liftup, cry and laugh with, share truth with, talk about hard hard things with, share scripture with, pray with… they are invaluable!!

    Do you struggle with loneliness?
    Not always, but sometimes. More due to the loss of my husband than anything else.

  • Kathleen

    1) A close friendship is one where you can be vulnerable & mutually share the joys, sorrows & all the experiences of life in confidence & trust.
    2) Main characteristics of friendship would be truthfulness, love, commitment & common interests.
    3) Two or three
    4) Two
    5) Being self absorbed, distant, disinterested in the other person. Violating trust, overreacting or disrespecting boundaries.
    6) Becoming more important as I get older, more so than when my children were younger & I was very busy with them.
    7) Not lonely yet but that doesn’t mean I won’t be someday so I try to think of the empty nesters & grandmas (like my mother) who’s children are far from them & they no longer feel needed.

  • Jody Gates

    1. A close friendship is two people who are interested in each other’s lives. The relationship is not one-sided.

    2. Main characteristics of a healthy friendship are honesty, integrity, and transparency. I can be “me” without the fear of being judged. The friend can come to the door un-announced and I don’t care what I’m wearing, or if the bathroom is clean.

    3. I have 4-5 close friends.

    4. I can depend on 2, maybe 3 to speak truth into my life.

    5. Elements that lead to a broken friendship-lack of communication, busyness, one-sided communication, gossip, lying, not making time to spend with each other, making a relationship a priority.

    6. My friendships are not as important as they used to be. Friendship/friends had become an idol in my life and at one point God removed everyone I was close to from my life, leaving only Himself. I love my friends but they are no longer at the center of my heart.

    7. Yes, I have struggled with lonliness most of my adult life; I’m a pastor’s wife.

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Great thoughts, thank you for your comment, Kim! I hope women will take your suggestion to pray for at least one woman of faith to have as a friend. That is so important. We all need that kind of “iron-sharpening” relationship. Thank you for taking the time to share your heart on this!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Viv ~

    Great description of true friendship! I totally agree with this:

    “There is freedom to ask hard questions/ keep one another accountable and share transparently about the struggles in your heart; no faking it!”

    We all need iron-sharpening friendships like that!
    Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a comment.

    Blessings, friend ~

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Kathleen ~

    Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment filled with insightful answers! I also meant to ask on the survey whether you had read any good books on friendship?

    I so appreciate your input!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Jody ~

    SO good to hear from you! I’m glad to know you’re still reading the blog 🙂 Thanks for all the good input and for your transparency. I appreciate your insight on friendships and giving the warning about the danger of them becoming idolatrous–so true. Your final point was also quite revealing. I understand so well what you are saying.

    I pray God provides you with many like-hearted sister-friends who will add the depth of joy and iron-sharpening refinement to your life that only true friendships can provide! Wish you lived closer!!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Robyne ~

    I don’t know how I missed your comment, but I’m just now seeing it today, please forgive the late response! Thank you so much for taking time to leave such a helpful comment.

    You are walking a road many of us have never experienced. I grieve for your loss, but I am so encouraged by seeing how you continue to press into Christ for your your joy and comfort. I am so glad to hear how you’ve been ministered to by a network of godly friends. What a gift from the Father as you navigate the challenges of a single mother and the loneliness that can be so painful.

    It sounds like you are experiencing the truth of this verse:

    “And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.” (Eccl. 4:12)

    Pausing to pray for you now, Robyne, may you and your sons experience many tangible evidences of God’s grace ~

  • Lia Leigh

    Greetings! Once I gave my life to Christ, I lost all my friends. I became lonely with a purpose. I started seeking God in the absence of all. According to His gracious, surprisingly (for me) wonderful promise (Mt 6:33) He started adding to me the blessings of true friends. After much struggle, I finally died…but then my life became fruitful. Children in Christ became a new beautiful addition. My loneliness became a family (Ps 68:6) , then a tribe, then…who knows what the future holds…All my friendships are purely gifts of grace, placed on the altar…Flesh dead and the Spirit lives…No fears, no manipulations, no artificial greetings, no pretense, no pleasing men, no waste of opportunities, no stealing of joy…but with each friend, there is the assurance of heaven, of eternal values shared, of inspiration, of covering, of impartation, of ‘following me as I follow Christ’, laughter, prayer, prophetic utterances, stirring the Spirit, challenging to go up together to the mountain of spices, enjoying together the fragrance of Christ…my friends know this, I told them, it is my standing rule: ‘if you need money, go to the bank; if you need groceries, go to the market; if you need gossip, go to your enemies… but of you need Christm the Word of God and the Holy Ghost, come to me, I will be waiting for you…you shall be filled…’
    This is my foundation with all people: I am prudent in friendships (PV 12:26), I test the motives of all who want me as their friend, you cannot come too close without passing thru the fire where I dwell…the earlier you know it the better…I do not chose my friends based on natural liking, God chose them for me…I am often surprised at His choices…But never disappointed…In this way, the road is safe and strong, no major frustrations, no hidden agendas…only the freedom of hope and the potential for so much more…my life has become a great adventure with my Lord’s family on earth…To God be all the glory!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Lia ~

    It sounds as though you have been richly blessed with some iron-sharpening friendships and great fruitfulness. Thank you so much for sharing.

    May you continue to experience God’s gracious transforming grace ~