Lonely for Love

All women long to be loved. It is a natural and good desire, but it can become a perverted demand. The longing for my husband’s love and affection was the primary factor in developing my destructive fierceness. I was hurt every time I felt he somehow neglected me or failed to demonstrate love and affection.

In my pain, I lashed out in ugly retaliation hoping to get his attention, hoping he’d recognize my need for him to come to my rescue.

Rather than lashing out at the husband, some women retreat into their private world of romance novels or mental fantasy when they feel neglected. Every day, lonely wives make connection with a potential lover via the Internet’s many social media sites. Other women try to stifle their longing for love with food, prescription drugs, or some other addiction.

I’ve spoken with women who’ve turned to alcohol, cutting, masturbation, even crystal meth to satisfy longing. The drive to fill your life with pleasure isn’t wrong. But attempting to substitute the Living Bread with addictive substitutes is like filling your mouth with gravel (Proverbs 20:17).

You may be flirting with the lure of an attractive substitute, a seeming “innocent” Facebook connection or spending long hours in erotic fantasy through the pages of a magazine or novel thinking, “I can handle this . . .”—all the while chains of enslavement are silently encircling.

Let me encourage you to consider what or who you are looking to for happiness, comfort, fulfillment or joy. Where are your desires leading you and what is the source of those desires? I need to warn you, if you want to get serious about making a careful search in answer to these questions, you may uncover some messy idolatry.

I’ve never bowed down to an idol made of gold or wood, but I’ve practiced idolatry. An idol is anything other than God that we look to or seek after for our fulfillment, security, and happiness. Idolatry starts with a desire, it can be a good desire. Wanting affection from my husband is a good and healthy thing, but demanding his affection indicates my desire has grown into an idol.

Isaiah describes the irony of looking to anything other than the one true God to bring complete fulfillment. He says it’s like feeding on ashes. The woman seeking relief for her longing through narcotics, cutting, or alcohol will only become more enslaved to that addiction. If LeRoy would have attempted to fill my craving with his affection, it still wouldn’t have brought my heart complete satisfaction.

It couldn’t.

The only answer to the heart’s deepest longing is found in clinging to Christ.

How are you fulfilling your heart’s longing?


  • Yes, Ma'am!

    Great and timely post!

    It’s been occurring to me lately that in Christ and God my Father, everything I need in order to be emotionally whole and healthy and free from past hurts is *already* mine. God has laid out all that I need to thrive in life, and He even put a stamp of “Yes, and amen” approval and authorization for use on it– and yet here I am disappointed that my fantastic husband and I don’t yet communicate perfectly or have the perfect love life. Or that I’ve wasted time pursuing the wrong things over the years and haven’t served God 110% like I set out to do. Or that my parents failed me in important ways when I was a child, so I’m stumbling around trying to fix my self-concept now as an adult…

    For a long time, I denied all my hurts and disappointments, so it was important for me to acknowledge sad and upsetting things that have happened in my life and admit my true feelings about them; however, I can’t live in that place forever. I feel that it’s time for me to shake off the dust and start moving forward with God. Idols just don’t satisfy. Perfect relationships and a perfect performance in life are the dangling carrots that have had me distracted from a perfect Savior and Father who have kindly and patiently been waiting for my attention the whole time. I must finally accept that GOD really is THE way, THE truth, THE life, and THE answer I’ve been searching for in other things and people.

  • Kimberly Wagner


    “Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord; seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust.” (2 Peter 1:2-4)

    Thanks for stopping by to share 🙂