Grabbing Onto the Hem

When I think of a beautifully fierce woman, I’m reminded of a woman who kept pressing in when life’s tough challenges hit her in the face. Imagine going completely outside of your comfort zone to make an urgent request and then being referred to as a dog—not by enemies—but by Jesus! This is one of those times in Scripture when Jesus really surprises me. I mean, He didn’t respond like the normally tender, holding-a-child-in-his-lap-type of Jesus. No, this time He puts some huge road blocks in this needy woman’s path. (Kind of like He does with me sometimes.)

This woman had a real problem on her hands. Her daughter was demon possessed. There’s no greater misery for a mother than watching her child suffer. Knowing she has no way to alleviate her daughter’s pain, powerless before the torment and destruction, this mother looks beyond herself for help.

This woman recognizes “The Warrior in our Midst” and cries out to Him for help!

I love the fact that I can relate to this woman. She’s in extreme need and she’s not a member of the religious elite—she’s a Gentile. For religious Jews, a Gentile woman was the lowest on the significance scale. But the one thing she has going for her is she recognizes Jesus for who He is and trusts His heart.

We find her story recorded in Matthew chapter fifteen:

[box]And behold, a Canaanite woman from that region came out and was crying, “Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David; my daughter is severely oppressed by a demon.” But he did not answer her a word. And his disciples came and begged him, saying, “Send her away, for she is crying out after us.”

He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” (vv. 22–24)[/box]

Jesus ignores her at first, and the disciples try to get rid of her. When He does speak, it isn’t the tender words she’s heard from His lips when other people came for His help. Instead, it seems as though He puts up a wall of rejection. But none of this stops her. She is desperate in her need and relentless in her pursuit:

[box]She came and knelt before him, saying, “Lord, help me.” (v.25)[/box]

A simple prayer lifted from a heart of worship. This is the cry of the true woman. This is the humble dependence of the woman who delights His heart. This is the faith and persistence of the beautifully fierce woman.

[box]And he answered, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs.” (v. 26)[/box]

No matter how rough His words may sound to you, he was not being mean. Really. He was laying out a challenge for her to rise and meet. He doesn’t use the word for dog that would refer to a common mongrel roaming the streets, but a dog that is a house pet. Although His response may seem cold or offensive, He was letting her stretch her trust level and plunge in fully to demonstrate her faith by laying out some difficult obstacles:

[box]She said, “Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table.” Then Jesus answered her, “O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you desire.” And her daughter was healed instantly. (Matthew 15:27–28)[/box]

I love it! Jesus puts up walls of resistance but she passes the test and He loves her reaction. No argument from her. Yes, an undeserving dog. She doesn’t deny His humbling assessment, but she also doesn’t run away to drown herself in a tearful pity-party. She presses in and appeals to His merciful character. She looks beyond the slight, pushes past the rebuff and goes for His heart.

This is the beauty of fierceness that I admire in women. This is a woman at her best. She’s not using her strengths to take advantage of others. She’s not using cruel manipulation tactics to get what she wants. She’s not arrogant in her approach and demeanor, nor is she groveling in self-condemnation or self-pity. She’s tackling the obstacles in her life with humility and determination. She’s resourceful and creative. She’s walking by faith, not by sight.

And Jesus loves her for it.

This is the kind of woman who grabs onto the hem of His garment and won’t let go. She’s beautifully fierce.

If this is the kind of woman you’d like to become, I encourage you to read Fierce Women: The Power of a Soft Warrior.

Excerpt from Fierce Women: The Power of a Soft Warrior © 2012• Kimberly Wagner • Moody Publishers


  • Jean

    This story is so encouraging. It is so neat to actually understand why he said what he said because it does sound so harsh at first.

    I am almost done reading your book and it has been so helpful. It is a great book. I just finished the part about how blaspheming God’s word was revealed to you in Titus 2:3-5. I had been convicted of that a few weeks ago. I feel that my husband had a spiritual fall out because of how I treated him and I realized that I had been blaspheming the word of God. My husband wasn’t a pastor, but he did love God and was serving him and I saw that desire slip away little by little over the years and now it seems he’s far from the Lord. I know he has responsibility for his choices, but the damage I caused is significant and I pray that one day God restores the relationship my husband had with him.

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Jean ~

    Thank you for taking time to leave a message and to share with me from your heart. I am so thankful you’ve been reading the book and are responding to what God is showing you.

    Have you viewed our marriage video?

    You can see it by clicking on the “Videos” tab above (on the site bar). It is the first video. In the video, I share how God convicted me and I went to ask my husband’s forgiveness. If you’ve not done that yet, I encourage you to do that with your husband, to be very specific in your confession, listing specific ways you’ve wronged him with your attitude, words, or actions.

    You might also consider asking him to watch the video with you or to listen to our story together on the ROH radio program (go to the “Radio” page by clicking on the “Radio” gadget in the upper left sidebar). Sometimes it helps men to hear another man voice what he is struggling with.

    You also might find the marriage posts from the archives helpful. You can access those by clicking on the green “Tags” word: “Marriage” in the left column.

    I’m praying for you and your husband and asking God to soften his heart toward you, to give you opportunities for healing conversations and for building new patterns of relating to one another. May the practice of offering and receiving forgiveness (on both sides) become a defining characteristic of your marriage. I pray the instructions of Colossians 3:12–17 become a template for the way the two of you relate to one another.

    May you see God move in your lives and bring about an Ephesians 3:20 work in your relationship!

    “All glory to God who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us . . .”

  • Jean

    Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I don’t think I’ve seen your marriage video. I will check that out. I have heard your story on ROH. My husband isn’t really willing to listen to anything like that right now.
    I’ve surrendered to Christ in this aspect about a month and a half ago. I have apologized to my husband but he was very skeptical. He said its too late for us (there is much more to our story) and he thinks my actions are an attempt to manipulate him since we are “on the rocks.” That was a few weeks ago and I’ve seen him soften some, so thats encouraging. I’m just trusting that God will move in and him as he works in my life too. Its been really hard though.

    Thank you for the encouragement and prayers… and your book.