We Are a Cranky Bunch

I’ve been a pastor’s wife for more than thirty years now, and there is one characteristic I’ve witnessed in most churches. For people who’ve been given loads of grace, and shown undeserved mercy at the cross, we can be a cranky lot.

And easily offended.

I’m not talking about my church in particular. I’m talking about Christians in general. Read the blogs and the Twitter feeds, stop in at a local Baptist business meeting (no, I really wouldn’t suggest that), or think about how many “church fights” you’ve witnessed through the years (don’t dwell on that too long).

We are too easily offended!

Drama Queens abound!

Why is that?

We could all blame it on the fact that we have a bunch of “tares mixed in with the wheat” and I’ll grant you, that may be some of the problem. But I’m not talking to the tares today. I’m talking to you and me.

Why are we so easily offended?

I think it has to do with our limited vision. One thing I’ve learned in my five decades of living (plus a few years): I am easily blinded to my pride.

My pride is always deeper and broader than I’ve yet realized.

When I’m easily offended, it is always a pride issue.

The Apostle Paul issues a challenge to us in his description of love’s character. He lays out the breathtaking comparison: You may be willing to go to a martyr’s death, but if you do that without love, it is nothing. That martyr’s death, that knowledge, that mountain-moving-type of faith, it’s all nothing without love. So, with that information, we get the context for how serious love is—how valuable and rare.

Here is a news flash for all drama queens: Love is not easily offended.

If I am truly living out “love” then I will not be easily provoked, irritated, angered, or offended.

So, what is happening when I am easily offended? Why does that happen?

What I love is being threatened.

Me. My reputation. My opinion. My thoughts. My preferences. My rights. When these things are threatened that’s when the offense comes. When I love myself, pride is in full swing.

My desire to be perceived as right, as knowledgeable, as humble, as caring, as having the best plan . . . when that desire clashes with opposition, that’s when the offense comes. And that desire is rooted in pride.

Last year True Woman posted one of my blogs that stirred some controversy. The amount of heated offense it provoked was surprising to me. Several comments were criticizing the fact that I wrote an article about things men hate for their wives to do. They felt I was being sexist and mean (or something like that), and that the article supported spousal abuse. A few females commented that they didn’t appreciate the message of my post being directed toward them because in their marriage—they were the ones being mistreated. Some males even chimed in to add their heat to the fury.

The True Woman team chose to delete some of the more offensive comments (so if you check out the post today, you won’t find the most demeaning ones still there). It was almost comical how a seemingly non-confrontational post (where I was confessing my own failures) caused such a dramatic response. The negative comments didn’t upset me, it just brought to mind again how easily offense can happen when you least expect it.

Drama Queens abound in the Church and yes, even here on the Internet.

But I have a suggestion for all of us (Drama Queens included):

What if we allow our anger, hurt feelings, and major irritations, to serve as a signal for us to analyze what is happening? Once we determine what is arousing our anger or establish why we feel injured, we can evaluate what is being threatened. And that will allow us to see what we truly love.

There is a place for anger. Righteous anger should be expressed (not emotionally but with self control), but I’ve not witnessed a lot of truly righteous anger. (But that’s another post.)

What angers you?

Has someone truly injured you? How are you processing your hurt?

Are you loving God? Loving others?

What do you love?

Image courtesy of stockimages/


  • Sydel Pérez

    Wao so true! This has been my meditationfor some time, what makes me angry? And why?
    Thank you for sharing

  • Michele Morin

    Yes, I think we are a touchy lot!
    I know that when I start with myself (my needs, my preferences, my feelings) as a reference point, I’m already on the road to trouble. Praying constantly that God would get me outside of myself and make me sensitive to the things that break HIS heart.

  • Julie Musil

    I’ve learned recently that this is one of my biggest issues. It’s been an issue all along, it’s just that I only recently learned it was (if that make makes sense).

    I was listening to a podcast about how love is not easily angered. It pointed out that there are always one of three reasons for anger: hurt, frustration, or fear. That really resonated with me. And when I look back on cases when I’ve been soooo angry, it’s absolutely true.

    Pride and fear are two things I learned about while reading “Fierce Women.” I’d also never realized that pride was one of my biggest issues. That just goes to show you how “off” I was. So prideful and self-centered, and of course I didn’t see it because I was focused on myself!

    God is so good and patient and forgiving, even when I blow it. I’m learning that as well 🙂

  • Barbara J. Lange

    I agree with everything you have said in this article and the previous one that you wrote for True Woman. I do have a question about something that I would rather not post publicly. If you would be willing, could you reply to my email address so we could discuss something privately?


  • Margie

    Thank you for this! It is a very good reminder, for we can be so easily offended. Another person has mentioned that when we are angered, we need to see what “idols” of our heart are being threatened. Thank you again for your faithfulness to God’s word and care to share your life and HIS truth.

  • Pauline Butler

    You hit the nail right on the head, Kim! Over recent months, I’ve had to ask myself the questions, “Why did that bother me so much? What is really at the root of my responses to other peoples’ actions or words?” Over and over again the Lord shows me it is a love of self. A few years ago, upon praying for Him to show me the idols in my life, He revealed to me that my self was my biggest idol. Although not a dramatic person outwardly, the internal struggle comes almost daily, with the flesh warring against the Spirit. This morning, I was reminded again of how much better it is to think upon my great God. It is much more glorious and wondrous to behold His beauty and majesty than it is to be consumed with myself. This leads me to question, “Why then do I spend so much time with self-consuming thoughts that rob me of the joy that is found when abiding in Him?” There is no comparison. He is so much more worthy of my praise and adoration. Thank you for sharing truth, Kim! You are a precious jewel!