Breaking Out of a Destructive Cycle

LeRoy and I were caught in a relationship cycle that nearly destroyed our marriage. As we’ve shared our story, we’ve heard from couples, across the globe who say, “You’re telling our story!” We’re praying that God transforms these marriages for His glory! That is why we’ve teamed up to write Men Who Love Fierce Women. We’re praying that this book reaches couples who are in that painful place where we once were, to break through the darkness and provide them with the light of hope. We’re praying that couples break out of that destructive cycle where we once were. We’re praying that couples who are preparing for marriage never develop the patterns of that cycle.

Do you know the cycle I’m talking about?

The Fierce Women/Fearful Men relationship cycle is common and destructive. In this cycle, a wife’s strengths can intimidate her husband. A Fierce Woman can be a living inspiration but her ferocity can also morph into her husband’s worst nightmare. He may respond to her fierceness by shutting down, running, responding in harsh anger, or passively retreating to his own silent world.

Rather than experiencing joy and companionship, the couple caught in this miserable cycle relate to one another more like alienated roommates than passionate lovers and friends.

The cycle works like this:

Wife has strong desires and “exerts her fierceness” in order to obtain those desires . . .

Husband retreats in fear . . . OR

Husband ignores wife and picks up the nearest brain-numbing object available (media remote, newspaper, lap-top) . . . OR

Husband fears disappointing wife and goes to any length to make sure she gets what she wants . . . OR

Husband feels intimidated and lashes back in anger resulting in verbal or physical injury.

And the cycle repeats itself with the wife exerting her fierceness to obtain her desires.

Early in our marriage, I often found myself questioning, “Where is the man I married?” I often hear women ask the same thing and complain about their husband’s passivity and lack of leadership, followed by the question of why this happens.

We leave the wedding altar, and some pitiful dead-beat-loser-guy invades the body of our robust champion.

And this scenario isn’t one or two isolated cases—it’s happening in droves! It seems we’re watching the extinction of real men. What’s up with this??

I think the FW/FM Cycle has created a generation of passive men.

Surely you’ve seen him trudging behind his wife in the mall, at your church, or in your home? His eyes are glazed over and downcast. He seems to be in an almost comatose state. He’s the “neutered man.” At one time he may have seen himself as a man’s man, a leader, flexing his skills and strengths, willing to take risks to achieve and explore; to conquer new territory and hurdle obstacles.

But that was before his body was invaded by Mr. Passive.

Now, he no longer tries. He’s lost his zeal for living and his confidence as a man and leader. His “risk taking” is limited to the occasional feeble suggestion he offers his domineering wife.

I want to challenge you to break out of the cycle and invite others to join us in spreading the word that there is hope!

This week, we’re inviting you to be part of our “Launch Team” who will help us spread the word about Men Who Love Fierce Women. We are asking God to provide couples, or singles, who will commit to share the word about the book. I’ll tell you more about that tomorrow, but you can start today by sharing this blog post with others as a way to get the message out that:

There is hope! God is able to break through that destructive relationship cycle that your marriage is stuck in! We’ve seen Him bring transformation—that’s what He delights in!

[box]Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen (Ephesians 3:20–21)[/box]

Will you help spread the word?