• Elviera

    Hi Kim and LeRoy

    What do I do if we already crossed the bridge. Where we gave up. About 3 weeks ago I asked my husband to leave and he did. Now he’s almost 2000km’s from me and I regret that day I asked him to leave. I a so disgusted with myself for what I’ve done and how I did it. Please help. I love Afzal a lot. I know I can live without him but I don’t want to. He says he’s forgiven me for everything but he won’t come back.

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Dear Elviera ~

    My heart breaks for you and Afzal as I read your comment. I’m not sure what led up to you asking him to leave, but for you to reach that point I’m assuming that there are a lot of unresolved issues between the two of you. Do you both belong to a biblical church?

    I hope you are in a solid church body where you are able to receive good biblical instruction as well as discipleship from more mature believers. If you haven’t already, I hope you’ll read through the blog posts on this site, there are several that are related to marriage issues. I hope you will reach out to the leadership of your church for help and counsel as you navigate this difficult situation.

    Let me encourage you to focus on God’s heart when it comes to the issue of reconciliation and then consider God’s ultimate purpose for the marital relationship.

    God’s heart is one of redemption. Although we are sinful and vile, He welcomes us back when we turn in repentance to Him. He is in the ministry of reconciling hearts to Himself. All marriages consist of two sinners. We are all in need of great mercy.

    None of us deserve God’s forgiveness, mercy, or blessing—yet He gives it. None of us deserve His commitment of fidelity, yet He is unrelenting in it. None of us deserve second chances, or His patience, yet He is long suffering with each of us.

    He has called us to display His character. He’s called us to demonstrate to our mates and to others His mercy, grace, truth, forbearance, patience, endurance and even joy in suffering (Colossians 3:12–19; Philippians 3:7–10; Ephesians 4:31–32).

    There are no pat answers or easy solutions. The truth is that God’s grace is sufficient for every need, but that doesn’t mean that every situation will result in a happy ending. When two individuals are willing to walk in a state of repentance and humility, depending on God’s grace in applying the truth of His Word to desperate situations—even then it takes much hard work and perseverance to overcome selfish tendencies and begin to reap the joy of a one-souled marriage. When only one mate is willing to work on the marriage, it may take years for the other mate to respond in kind—and perhaps he never will.

    God’s ultimate purpose for marriage is not our individual happiness—ultimately His purpose is for the world to see the gospel displayed (Ephesians 5:22-33). The amazing grace in all of it, however, is that when we establish the type of marital relationship described in this passage—we experience great joy and God receives great glory!

    Continue to ask God to turn Afzal’s heart and bring him home. If you haven’t read “Fierce Women” yet, I encourage you to read through that and apply the practical content to your relationship (as much as possible with your situation). Appeal to Afzal to return, but do not pressure him or try to exert your control over the situation.

    Look to the Lord to do what only He can do!

    “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.” (Ephesians 3:20–21)

    Pausing to pray for you and Afzal now, dear one ~

  • Justin

    Hello Mrs.Wagner, I really do not want to give up on my marriage, so briefly I want to explain to you my situation and get your expert opinion on this matter. Me and my wife have been married for 4 years now, will be 5 in April. I was 24 years old when we got married and she was 21, basically still babies in life. Once we got married, couple of months later our first daughter was born. Exactly one year later our second daughter was born and we have never had a stable home or stable employment. What I did have coming into this marriage was salvation and a relationship with God, but I did not honor his ways of marriage and how to treat my wife. For me the first 3 years of my marriage was a learning experience, to be honest Im still learning, but I really was a jerk to her and i was very selfish and self centered. We both played roles in disrespecting the other spouse but also within those years I learned and i apologized to her and repented for my actions towards my wife. Well in 2016 we had gotten our 3rd apartment, but little did i know that she was planning to leave the apartment, take our daughters and go live with her mom and her moms family. Since then, she has gotten her own apartment with our daughters while im in a completely different state with a home. Now i believe multiple things are taking place here and the main thing for me is understanding that family is a stewardship, and i was indeed a bad steward of my family and I have learned this painfully; extremely painfully. Now she has her family in her ear, she constantly reminds me of my past mistakes and doings, one moment she misses me then the next she absolutely hates hearing my voice. I really want my family back and God knows He has changed my heart and my past ways, but she dont want to hear about God at times and she questions where was my spirituality years ago. I really dont want a divorce, God has blessed me to have a family with one woman and i have been without them for over a year now. Mrs.Wagner can you please help me with this because I promised God no more double mindedness in this area or any area, and with us being divided the enemy can use any vulnerable soul close to her to keep us separated. I trust God with all of my heart, and I believe He allows things for our well being but the absolute worst thing for a man to experience is to not come home to his family.