Staying the Course When You Want to Walk Away

We both wanted out. We were done. But our commitment to Christ and the desire to honor His Word held us secure through the darkest and most miserable years. LeRoy was even tempted to check out of life. But he didn’t want to bring shame to Christ. We both knew God’s Word was true, believed the gospel had the power to transform . . . but we couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t transforming our marriage . . . why we could barely tolerate one another.

If we had checked out at five years, at seven, or at twelve . . . we would never have experienced the beauty and wonder of the life changing work God did. He stepped in to open our eyes, to lead us on a journey of confession, repentance, asking and granting forgiveness. He led us to develop new patterns of relating. In year twelve, one of the hardest we ever experienced, we felt like the darkness was drowning us . . . but little did we know that God was about to move in!

Don’t give up. Don’t miss out. God has future grace for you. He is able.

[box]For whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer . . . (1 Peter 3:10–12)[/box]

Image courtesy of kongsky at


  • Kimberly Wagner

    Dear Guerda,

    I am so very sorry, you are in such a painful place. Although your husband has left you, God remains faithful. I encourage you to first go to God and seek Him, lay out all of your need before Him, ask Him to reveal to you anything that you need to confess and ask forgiveness for. If there are ways that you’ve been disrespectful to your husband, unkind, and even demeaning, ask his forgiveness. Let him know that you desire to work on your marriage and convey your love for him.

    We encourage couples to read and work through both of our books together, at the same time, and discuss what God is showing you. If he is unwilling to have those conversations with you, I encourage you to continue praying for him and seeking to have a right heart toward him.

    You might find these posts helpful:

    Guerda, I pray that God will bring healing and restoration to your marriage, but even if that doesn’t occur, I pray that you will glorify God with your life. Look to Him to meet your deepest needs of the heart.

    Pausing to pray for you now ~

  • Guerda Bornelus

    Good morning thank you so much for your prayers. I’ve tried all that you listed but my husband keep fleeing from me. My husband keep changing his number and keep calling us private. He can reach us but we can’t reach him. We don’t even know where he’s at. This hurts a lot. We don’t even talk to each other. He only talk to the kids. Should I continue taking his private calls?

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello, Guerda ~

    I’m so very sorry, I know this is so difficult. Do you have a church body that you belong to? I hope you are plugged into a biblical church and have some spiritually mature friends that can come alongside you during this time. I encourage you to involve your church leadership with what is happening and hopefully they can reach out to your husband.

    The next time that your husband calls to talk to your children, you might pray about letting him know that you are willing to let him talk to the children after he provides you with contact information (a phone number or a way to reach him). If you had an emergency, especially, you need to be able to contact him. Explain to him that you are not trying to be difficult and will honor his desire for space right now, but your request is not unreasonable at all.

    Praying for you and hoping that your church leadership will get involved and provide you with practical help and wise counsel.

  • Guerda Bornelus

    Good afternoon Kim,

    Thank you. My husband blocked off everyone who tries to give him godly advice. He even stopped going to church. He said there’s nothing that can make him come back to our marriage and he’s waiting for me to file for divorce.

  • Guerda Bornelus

    Good morning. I came close to quiting. In fact, I quit last night and blocked my husband from calling us. I’m not double minded or doubtful, I’m discouraged because I’ve been praying for my husband for over a year. I just don’t understand how my husband is not the enemy but God gives him free will. So if my husband has free will that mean he knows what he’s doing and is purposely sinning against me. Make me understand please. I do apologize for dumping my emotions​ on you daily.