Take Note: I Am No Expert

We’ve stressed this before, but I need to say it again:

We do not have all the answers for your marriage problems.

I felt like I needed to once again make that clear after I read this review of Fierce Women on that stated:

“The husband and wife authors of the two books that go together think everyone is going through it the way THEY did and that THEY have YOUR answers. I understand that people can have similar experiences but I lose respect when someone has a “telling” attitude and not a suggesting one. Pride is too strong here for me to believe.”

She sounded a bit like she was shouting. I won’t be shouting or sending in a response to that, but please hear me: Every marriage is different and God works in ways unique to your marriage needs and particular challenges. I don’t have your answers, but I commend to you One who does.

Although the Fierce Women/Fearful Men dynamic is common and we’ve found that the general issues surrounding that relationship dynamic are similar to ours, we can’t guarantee that your marriage will experience the same type of transformation that we had. We hope so, we pray so, we know our God is able and willing to work . . . but there are a lot of variables involved in this process.

God pours out grace on couples who humble themselves before Him and He runs to the rescue of that couple when they acknowledge their need for Him (James 4:6).

LeRoy and I are keenly aware that we can do nothing without God pouring out His grace and mercy. He is the Change-agent in marriage. Scripture provides principles for building a vibrant love relationship and God supplies the enabling grace and power to apply those principles. Yes, we have the responsibility to “put off” and “put on” certain attitudes and behaviors . . . but that is only possible because of the new life that comes through Christ’s atoning work on the cross.

How can we not offer hope, when God has promised that “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence . . .” (2 Peter 1:3)? God is providing the help we need—if we will respond to what He is offering!

If you hear us share our story and we leave you with the impression that we accomplished this marriage transformation, then we have failed. Or if we communicate as though our way is the only way—then close the book! Our desire is for Christ to be exalted and for you to know that He is able to work in ways you cannot imagine. But we also want you to know that we cannot guarantee that your marriage will be saved. Or that things will work out like you hope. Or that if you follow everything that we recommend in our books, all your problems will be solved.

If I could sit down and visit with the reader who left this review, I would share with her that we certainly do not have the answers, but thankfully the Word of God supplies those. And pride? I’m sure I have far more pride than I yet realize, but am so thankful for God’s redeeming love and forgiveness.

Readers, you have my permission to get in my face and let me know when, or if, I am writing as though I’m “the expert” or providing dogmatic counsel as if I have the answers to your problems. I don’t, but God’s Word does.

I hope to be a mouthpiece for His truth, but I am sickened to think of ever attempting to rob His glory in any way by claiming the ability to solve people’s problems.

Feel free to let me know . . .

Image courtesy of Surachai at


  • Peggy

    Kim, I appreciate your humility and your willingness to share your journey in marriage. You and LeRoy are indeed a mouthpiece for His Truth. I trust God is using your story to encourage other couples to run to Christ; finding that abundant grace and mercy we all need to have marriages that shout the Gospel and honor our Savior. Press on in the strength of the Lord!

  • Rita Johnson

    So sorry to read this post!! I started reading your book, and it was soooo hard. This year I’m in a Wife of Noble Character.
    Barb Wilson is such a great teacher, but it does HURT each week to hear the truth. We’re so selfish and prideful! Our assignment is to read Fierce Woman!
    I really do think disrespect if at the heart of all marriages. Women don’t respect men.
    So I’m sure the reader really had a hard time hearing the TRUTH. It is HARD, but not because of your “style”–it’s because we are so prideful.

    Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing so openly through your books and blog. You’ve been such a blessing to me–my mentor:) I have so far to go, but I’m so thankful for your wisdom.

  • Julie Musil

    Kimberly, your books make it very clear that it’s your desire to do marriage HIS way, not your way, and to encourage us to do the same. Readers take their own perceptions and attitudes into reading a book. I hope you don’t let this trouble you!

  • Pauline Butler

    I’ve always appreciated your counsel, Kim. You are faithful in honoring God and in directing us to Him and His word, seeking to exalt Him in all that you write. I’ve not read Men Who Love Fierce Women, but I have read Fierce Women. I do not recall anything that would be worthy of such a critique.