Need Some Valentine’s Day Heart Prep?

Tomorrow is the day. The stores have been a sea of cupid’s hearts, pinks, reds, and mushiness for weeks now. We’ve had to wade our way through aisles of “romantic” odds and ends just to buy groceries. But tomorrow should bring all of that to a conclusion. Romantic moments will be spent. Flowers will be sent. Lovers will exchange the stuff they bought in the grocery aisle. And one more Valentine’s Day will be in the books. But for some, Valentine’s Day can be one of the most dreaded days of the year.

Are you ready for the day, or do you need to do some heart preparation? 

So often guys have good intentions, they want to be romantic, they want to shower you with mushiness . . . but if they’re like the typical man—they don’t know how to perform well on a day that comes with such high expectations. Honestly, most guys are afraid they’ll look lame or silly, or they’re under so much pressure to perform that they end up just shutting down.

It took me a few years of disappointment before I learned that my husband’s love for me can’t be measured in candy boxes and cards. Sure, it’s great when men do the hard thing, plan ahead and execute a “mushiness event.” But, if I’m expecting that, have built up my hopes for a romantic evening and he doesn’t come through, it can have disastrous effects. Valentine’s Day can be difficult for men.

Valentine’s Day can be really hard on women, too.

It is especially difficult for single women who have no one to shower them with affection. But it is also hard on women who have high expectations for the day and their man doesn’t come through.

Is it wrong to hope for cards and flowers?

Is it wrong to expect our man to shower us with special treatment on special days?

Should we take the Eeyore route and gloomily predict that nothing good will happen anyway, so why hope for it?

I don’t think the Eeyore route is the answer, but I do think there is some heart preparation that we need when special days like birthdays, anniversaries, or Valentine’s Day approach.

Heart Prep for Romantic Markers:

  • Be secure in the source of true love. If we are looking to our husbands to bring us satisfaction and fulfillment, we will be disappointed every time. No man can ever satisfy a woman’s deepest longings. Your soul hunger for love will only be ultimately met by God’s steadfast love for you.
  • Understand that most men don’t do romantic. Some men are great at it, but a lot of men are overwhelmed by the pressure of planning a perfect date with a perfect gift. Give your guy some grace on this and don’t make it harder for him by placing unrealistic expectations on the day.
  • If cards, flowers, or gifts are things that convey love to you—communicate that to your husband. Let him know how much it means to you for him to plan that special date or pick out a little “token of his affection” and pass it to you over a candlelight dinner. Share your desire with him without pressuring him with your expectations.
  • Release expectations. I’m not saying to take the “Eeyore route,” but I am saying to guard your emotions and prepare yourself for the fact that: he might forget, he might not come through with blazing romance, and he might even think a new kitchen tool is just what you wanted! Show him grace by releasing him from the pressure of a perfect performance.
  • Shower him with your affection. Even if he forgets, or buys you a lame gift, or didn’t plan well, make the day special for him. Why not make a special candle-lit dinner for him at home (and seek out a family that will be glad to have your children over for a few hours)? Communicate love to him in a way that is memorable for him—without the expectation of him returning the favor. Demonstrate sincere, unselfish love, and enjoy doing it!

Valentine’s Day is tomorrow . . . how about doing a little planning?

How will you shower your guy with affection?


  • Jody

    Thank you for this post. Rather than focusing on what I may get or how he me shower me, I want to give and focus on how I can give to him and love my husband well on Valentines Day!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Dear Julie ~

    I know, I’ve been thinking about you as this day approaches. I’m so sorry for the painful reminder the day brings. I’m glad you’re able to have a special evening with your boys. Hope you all have lots of laughter together!

    You have my love and prayers, friend ~

  • Anel

    What a great way to approach Valentine’s day. Thank you for the post Kimberly. I especially like the point about finding your source of true love in God – as I know that so many women have misconceptions about this, and unintentionally expect their husbands to fulfill a role only God can.

    Blessings to you!