That’s a question I’ve been asked a lot lately. For one who’s been a “daily blogger” for more than half a decade, suddenly going almost a month without a post seems like a jolt (more so for me than for you, dear faithful reader). All I can say is: taking care of LeRoy is now my first priority. And my life looks much different now. Imagine doing not only your regular duties, but doing double (doing for two), and then multiply that by the additional load of caring for someone with a serious illness, and you’ll have an idea of why it’s difficult for me to find time to write.
My mission hasn’t changed, just my function. My hope and desire, and God’s mission for me (and for you) is to glorify Him in the season and situation where He’s placed us. For more than a week, I’ve been pleading with the Lord to provide some moments for me to write . . . but until this morning, no space at all was given, so that tells me that writing a blog post wasn’t what the Lord had for me these past few weeks.
Not a lot has changed since you last heard from me. We’re four months into this journey, or if you count the weird symptoms he’s struggled with, that’s been two and a half years. And he’s still suffering with as much pain as he had when we first came home from the hospital. That’s the hardest part of all of this—watching him suffer and seeing no improvement. The days of pain wear him down, well really both of us. I don’t endure his pain physically, but I ache as I watch him suffer, and I exhaust myself with wanting to take it away from him.
I’m vainly battling his physical torment with a heart heavy with sighs and compassion.
As I type this, Christmas music is playing, lifting the hope of the gospel—peace on earth, good will toward men—and the joy of the first Advent. I watch as LeRoy, eyes closed to try to deal with the pain, worships while suffering. His face is tight in a grimace, but he’s silently mouthing the words of the song in worship of his Savior.
This weekend, we’ll return to Dallas for more tests and appointments, and on Monday he’ll have another MRI to see how the spinal cord lesions look. I will send an update when I can.
Even now, as I take a rare moment to type a quick message to you, my mind is running through a list of things that need to be done . . . laundry is waiting to be switched from the washer to the dryer, and another dirty pile is waiting beside the washer. It’s almost time to prepare another meal . . . I’m wondering why the business office at UT Southwestern hasn’t returned my call, and keeping the phone close by in case it rings with news from them . . . there are a million things I need to be doing other than typing, but I’m so glad to have a few moments (finally) to send word to you and let you know that, yes, we’re still alive, and yes, God is still faithfully leading us through this strange territory . . . and there is so much I hope to one day share with you that He’s doing, if and when He provides the space of time.
[box]For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.
What gain has the worker from his toil? I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God’s gift to man. (Ecclesiastes 3:1–13).[/box]
For every season, God has a purpose and plan. And for me, this season is one of caring for my precious husband as he faces the biggest challenge of his life. I want to serve him well—and honor my Savior in this service.
But I do hope, in God’s timing, He’ll provide space for me to sit down a few moments and use the weakness of my feeble writing attempts to point you to His faithfulness.
This is what I’m hoping for this December: usually this time of year, I’m pouring myself into preparing Advent posts. I hope to have enough time to at least pull out some of those from the archives and dust them off or freshen them up a bit, so we’ll have a post each morning to point our hearts toward the most important thing about this season—celebrating God coming in flesh as the babe to rescue His people.
May we all take advantage of every opportunity this season to share the story of this babe who came as our Rescuer!
For those of you who are still praying for us, we are so very grateful!