Maybe secretly, you know deep, deep down inside, I was hoping for LeRoy to wake up the morning after his infusion and be pain-free. Of course, I’m always hoping for that, but getting this high-powered drug flowing through his veins might’ve raised my hope-level a bit more than usual.
But reality came crashing in within hours of the infusion.
Just a few hours after the infusion, his muscle spasms were incredible and he hardly slept that night because he was in so much pain.
Rather than waking pain-free, he woke up weak and barely moving.
Those super-powered antibodies that have been eating away at his spinal chord are probably not too happy to have attackers invading them! He had a rough 48 hours following the infusion, was in horrible pain and terribly weak, but by day three he seemed to be getting better. If he doesn’t get sick between now and February 19th, we’ll go back for his second infusion. The nurse told us that he may not see any real improvement until after the third infusion, but I’m hoping it will happen before that.
Again, it is another season of waiting. And this time the waiting is very still and quiet. We are staying in. Friends and family are staying away right now. They’re protecting us from any possibility of bringing germs our way.
Is the flu epidemic exploding in your area of the country?
It is here. Our state has seen 125 flu related deaths (as of this writing) and the medical community is telling us we haven’t seen the peak yet; it’s getting worse not better. With the deadliest flu season in more than a decade, wisdom compels us to follow the nurse’s order and stay away from people right now. It’s just too risky.
But again, none of this has taken God by surprise. He has reason in setting us down, keeping us in, and secluding us for a season.
It is obvious that He wants us to learn some important lessons in this season. There’s never a time in the Christian life for dormancy, so we’re seeking to grow in this winter of solitude. Most mornings are spent reading and studying. Some mornings are spent dealing with medical stuff like getting lab work done or fielding phone calls related to medical bills or appointments.
LeRoy’s pain prevents him from doing any physical therapy yet, and the doctor said we need to wait until his body is in “recovery” mode before starting that, so he’s really completely sedentary. But I’m plenty busy, even while being “home-bound.” There’s always a meal to fix, chores to do, laundry to fold, and de-clutter projects that call my name continually. There’s correspondence left undone, because I can never catch up and respond to all the messages and kind words.
Writing blog posts is now a luxury. It’s not that I have nothing on my heart to share, not at all, it’s that I have no time to sit and pour it all out on the keyboard. And this is another privileged activity that I’ve had to release. I no longer keep a regular writing schedule, but daily I ask the Lord to give little pockets of time to write, and if He provides them—I jump on it.
We’re settling in to our “new normal.” It’s quiet, a much simplified schedule, a bit lonely, simpler, not hectic, and thankfully, it’s slow. We’ve run so fast and hard for so long that slow is a nice reprieve in this difficult season. We’re still and listening. And waiting.
But isn’t the surrendered life all about releasing and waiting? And that’s what it means to follow Christ, isn’t it? Wherever He leads I’ll go . . . that was a refrain from one of my favorite childhood hymns. I made this promise to Him then, so many years ago, and I hope to keep that promise today and for as long as I have breath.
“Wherever He leads, I’ll go . . .
I’ll follow my Christ who loves me so, wherever He leads I’ll go.”
And that’s what we’re trying to do. Our lives look completely different than they did six months ago. No, that’s not quite right, let me restate that. Our schedules look completely different. But at the core, our lives are still the same. Our greatest desire and motive of life is to glorify God in the daily grind—whether that’s in a conference setting, at a coffee shop with a friend we’re discipling, playing a game with our little ones, or now—settled in a solitary season.
All that the Lord is doing is for a good purpose and we truly desire to learn what He knows we need. We so desire to display His amazing grace—in whatever way He chooses. In surrender and waiting—and wherever He leads. We belong to Him and it’s His choice what He does with us.
[box]I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me (Galatians 2:20).[/box]
Where and how is He asking you to follow Him today?