You know that “open hand” that I’ve told you I’m learning to live with? You know, the hand that threw away the planner I normally clutch tightly to my chest? Well, it’s a good thing that I’m not in charge of that any more, because once again, plans have changed—and this time I’m so glad! I love letting God take over my planner; there’s nothing better than the adventure of living in providence!
If my posts have left you with the impression that all we’re experiencing is sorrow and suffering, then I’ve painted an inaccurate picture. Yes, for LeRoy, every day is physically painful—filled with long hours of excruciating muscle spasms and shooting nerve pain. But God’s goodness shines through, even in this dark terrain. God has given many tangible good gifts and joys through this season.
Another sleepless night. After only two hours of sleep, although bone-dead exhausted, the pain urges LeRoy awake and although he tries to lie silently, suffering in the dark to not disturb me, I’m aware when his rhythmic breathing stops. I know he’s awake and waiting for his next meds, lying there praying and hoping for relief. Most mornings start this way. Precious readers, you have left sweet comments, encouraging messages, and sent kindness my way through words of affirmation. But, I need to assure you, God is the One who is faithful here, not me. There are days that my flesh rises and threatens to take me down.