Your Voice

How has Fierce Women: The Power of a Soft Warrior impacted your life?

I’ve been so blessed by hearing from some of you how Fierce Women has impacted your life.
You’ve encouraged me by sharing how God has opened your eyes to things you’ve never seen
before. One friend said, “We have a good marriage, but while I was reading your book God
tenderized my heart toward my husband in a way I haven’t felt since we were first married.”

I think we should shout the good works of God from the rooftops—so He will be glorified!
When you share how He has worked in your life, it gives hope to women who’ve grown weary
with waiting. It gives evidence to the power of the gospel.

So, here’s your rooftop!

Come and see what God has done: he is awesome in his deeds toward the children of man. Come
and hear, all you who fear God, and I will tell what he has done for my soul. (Psalm 66:5, 16)

Please add your voice of encouragement by leaving a comment and let us know how God is
at work. I’d love to hear about specific things in the book you are implementing or how your
marriage has been affected by reading Fierce Women.

Shout out your praise for God’s good works below!


  • Vivian Etherington

    Every time I pick up this book and read a portion of it, I am convicted to love my husband better– to excel still more. Verbalizing affirmation is something I am weak in and I am making more of a conscious effort to affirm him with my words. Kimberly’s book has helped me focus on tending to my marriage relationship and keeping it the priority it needs to be in my mind and heart; I have a lot of responsibilities as a mother of six.
    I found the specific Scriptures and things to pray for my husband very useful as well. I am very grateful for this book and have given several copies away and recommended it to other women when I ran out of copies!

  • Mary Ann

    Eye-opening book! I was challenged and encouraged to be a grateful and content wife. To watch my words and attitude. To build up, rather than tear down my man.

    I appreciate Kimberly’s honesty-she shares openly of the painful years of her relationship with Leroy. But God is faithful and His grace abounds in their story.

    Highly recommend this book for any married woman looking to examine her heart towards her husband and marriage.

  • Annette Melton

    I am so thankful that God laid it on Kimberly’s heart to write this book. I have read many helpful books about building a Godly home, and being a Godly wife….but Kimberly address heart issues that can subtly, or sometimes dramatically, affect our relationship with our husband. As I read each chapter God dealt with areas in my own heart, and the tenderness I felt towards my husband grew….even though he didn’t do anything differently. And my love for my Sovereign God grew…as He continues to teach me to trust Him more. In Chapter 7 Kimberly writes that “Contentment is surrender’s sweet spot. It’s rooted in peace and its reward is joy.” Contentment is the issue God has been dealing with in my own heart for some time. And it’s in my surrender to Him and His will that I find it….not my circumstances. Thankful that God loves us enough to teach us…and thankful for this book of wisdom and insight that He has used in my life. Highly recommended for every wife to read!

  • Jenny

    Wow I’m only 50 pages in but I’ve been searching for guidance and others experiencing what I’ve experienced. If you knew my story you would fall over in disbelief. I’ve always had a relationship with Christ but recently I’ve questioned who I am and with all the bad that is happening in my life is He here with me? Your book is showing me He is here with me I need to check myself. Thank you for having the courage in writing this book I finally see I’m part of this failing 2nd relationship and if I don’t fix me ill never be married again and will be a bitter old woman. I’m not a steamroller woman I actually love too hard and from a very abusive 16 year marriage where I spent many hours on my knees praying it only got worse. I’m searching for the perfect man to love me and I don’t think my reality of the perfect love is true. Your book and the scriptures you use is opening my eyes to challenge me to be the beautifully fierce woman God has designed me to be. Thank you and many blessings of favor to you and yours!

  • Laurel

    My husband and I met when I was 17; he was 18. He was everything I was not–easy going, optimistic, fearless and gracious. Twenty-seven years later, I can truly say we never had two more happy weeks than the ones we’ve had since I read (twice!) Fierce Women two weeks ago. A month ago I went to a counselor, alone, seeking help for our marriage because my husband and I had never had a happy month together, let alone an extended period of happiness.

    Since I read Fierce Women and began living in the truth I found in Scripture, the response of my husband is nothing short of miraculous. His behavior and communication shows how good a man was hiding just outside the shadow of my wildly fierce presence in our marriage.

    The flow of humility and honesty began about 21 months ago when we went to a Love & Respect marriage conference. The last evening of the conference I told my husband I completely understood God’s design for me in marriage, but I was so afraid of it I wanted to leave him. Escaping was desirable because I felt sure my innate nature was inadequate for marriage to him. I was fierce, and I knew it.

    I didn’t leave, but I’ve been praying for some hope since that day.

    Your book offers hope by showing how fierce women are made by God to glorify Him! I truly believed that my fierceness was an indicator of my old sin nature, and that I had to put it away. I never considered that my husband needs my fierceness desperately, or that my fierceness could be uniquely sanctified for God’s use to do what women who aren’t fierce cannot do. I believed my fierceness was destroying me and everyone in my path. I have been a very sad and fearful woman for a very long time. Now, my heart is overflowing with gratitude.

    Of course, I’ve had momentary lapses into wildness in the past two weeks, but my husband, for the first time in all our married life, has actually moved to restore the relationship. When I look into his eyes, I see forgiveness where I saw contempt, confusion and callousness before.

    We have two daughters at home that may glean some hope from what we are now experiencing (our 15 yr. old is also a fierce woman). I need God’s healing comfort as I lament past, ungodly and fierce-some exchanges with our two grown sons. Trusting that God won’t waste any of our family experiences is difficult, though I believe He, ultimately, will be glorified.

    I haven’t heard you reference Dr. Pierre Mornell’s Passive Men, Wild Women (1979), but I truly think the main concept enhances your argument. There’s a difference between fierceness and wildness (what Dr. Eggerich calls the “crazy cycle”). Thank you for delving into what the crazy cycle looks like for women like me, and for showing how God already addressed it in His word. Why am I so surprised?

    I am surprised because everything I’ve read to date said, a. I had to become something contrary to my innate nature to please God and my husband, or b. my husband really is the unreliable sot I think he is and I have to put my blinders on and “look to Jesus.” Neither approach worked for me because, a. I could only suppress my innate nature for so long before an eruption occurred, and b. I truly want to love and know my husband, rather than ignoring his bad behavior!

    Each day I am still quite literally in shock that the things you have written are true. They are entirely liberating, and each day we are proving them true by restoring Eden in our corner of the world.

    My husband is eager to move in victory over his passivity/fearfulness. He must believe that he now stands a chance! Can you recommend a book with complementary values for the fearful man?

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Laurel ~

    Thank you for taking the time to share your story here. Wow, how exciting! I am writing your name and some of these details in my prayer journal, so I can pray for your marriage and family. May God continue the beautiful work He has begun!

    I haven’t heard of the book you mentioned, “Passive Men, Wild Women” but will check that out. I’m posting a link that you and your husband might want to investigate. It provides information on resources by Family Life Ministries (Dennis Rainey) encouraging men to step up courageously and live out godly manhood. There are books, videos, and studies that you may find helpful:

    Another recommendation is Tony Evans’ book: “Kingdom Man”

    If you and your husband haven’t listened to our story on the Revive Our Hearts Radio program (or viewed our marriage video together) you might find it helpful to do that together and discuss your take-aways from those resources.

    You can also access our radio interview by going to Pull up the past programs: September 2012. The title of the series is: “A Hurting Couple Finds True Hope.”
    You can see our marriage video by clicking on the “Videos” tab above and it is the first video.

    If you haven’t subscribed to the daily blog yet, I hope you’ll subscribe by putting your email address in the “Subscribe” gadget in the upper left column. It helps to get daily encouragement and although the daily posts aren’t always focused on marriage, they all focus on getting our hearts in line with God’s Word (which is the answer to every relationship problem).

    I hope you can find some of these resources helpful, Laurel. I am so thrilled to hear all God is doing. Please stop by the daily blog to leave a comment occasionally updating me on how things are going and how I can continue to pray for you!

    All praise and glory to our blessed Redeemer ~

  • martha

    I need to find a copy of your book!!! I am having a horrible time in my marrige I.can’t find myself to pray for him!! I need help divorce is in the air!!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Martha,

    I am so sorry for the dark place where you are now. The description of your relationship reminds me so much of our painful years. “Fierce Women” can be ordered online through Amazon and other book outlets, it is also in most Christian book stores. I think you would find much in that book that could be helpful. I tell more of our story there, but also give a lot of practical suggestions for building a united relationship with your man.

    Also, you might check out the Resources tab of the website for some helpful information as well as following the links that are embedded in this blog post:

    There are a lot of helpful resources that I mention in the blog post, so I hope you’ll check them out.

    I am stopping to pray for you now, Martha, may God work in your marriage beyond what you can even imagine.

  • Lena Ferdelman

    Hi Kim,

    Thank you for writing Fierce Women. It has reminded my husband and me of the beautiful meaning of marriage.

    I had been a very demeaning wife. Even kicking my husband in the shin one time while he was leading a Bible study because I thought he was saying the wrong thing! God has been so merciful to us and has restored our marriage and done more than we could hope for. Praise the Lord! He has used you and Nancy Leigh DeMoss so much. Keep up the good work. You are a rare and much needed voice in the church today.

    My husband has recently been asked to lead another Bible study. Would you please pray that I would be an encouragement to him?

    I do have a question: What does it practically look like to give input to my husband? Do I only give input when asked by him?

    Thanks so much,

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Lena ~

    Thank you for your encouraging words. I’m thankful when I hear from a woman like you, who are willing to get honest about their need. I’m glad you are using helpful resources like those from ROH.

    In answer to your question:
    What does it practically look like to give input to my husband? Do I only give input when asked by him?

    First of all, no, it isn’t necessary to always wait for him to ask you in order for you to give your input, but what I found is that waiting to give input goes a long way in encouraging our husbands as leaders. Men are usually slow, methodical processors. Often, we wives can bring that process to a screeching halt by jumping in with our input too soon. When my husband and I were caught in that destructive “fierce women/fearful men” cycle, he had reached the point of relinquishing most decisions to me because he knew I would have an opinion and he didn’t want to deal with the controversy if he disagreed or tried to go in a slightly different direction.

    I think a wise and helpful form of input for a husband is when the wife approaches a decision with this attitude: “Honey, I’m not sure what the best course of action is on this, but I assure you I’m lifting you to the throne in prayer and I am trusting God to give you wisdom and discernment on how to proceed.”

    When a wife gives a man that kind of support, he will often then invite her to share specific concerns, ideas, or suggestions. If he isn’t used to making the decisions by himself, he may find it difficult to navigate that strange terrain, but if you want your man to learn to lead well, he needs to have the opportunity to lead in decision making.

    Also, Lena, one invaluable resource is watching an older, wise woman (sometimes they are younger!) as she relates to her husband. If you know a couple in your church that have a solid, biblical, joy-filled marriage, ask for her input on this and spend some time around that couple. I’ve learned a lot from watching women (up close) who are further along than me.

    Hope this helps! God’s blessings to you ~

  • Woven

    Hello Kim,
    I just listened to your amazing story on Family Life Today. Thank you for sharing your story and being so opened and honest. I am single woman, and desire to be married someday. After listening to your story, I am reminded to be careful in my words even with male friends who are in my life. I look forward to reading your book too!
    Blessings on your ministry to women.

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Woven ~

    So glad you took the time to stop by and leave a comment! I recommend the book to women who are single for a number of reasons. One, I think it can be helpful in preparing women who may be married one day, but also, as you said, much of what is in the book applies to all male/female relationships.

    After you read, I hope you’ll stop by and leave a comment letting us know how God spoke to you and how He is using the truths in your life.

    I hope you stay connected here on the blog!

  • Lori

    Hi Kim,
    I still can’t believe how much I relate to what I’ve heard you and some of the other ladies responses saying! I really only thought we were part of a minority in marriages! I’m on Day 8 of the Husband challenge, and it has been enlightening (to me), refreshing(I think to my husband), and yes, very, VERY challenging! I love spouting off my mouth-while i am not a person who intentionally degrades with words, I am good at giving my opinion, my tastes, my orders! I AM seeing small differences already! Since we have been married for 35 years I have a lot to undo! I know this will take a long time and honestly, probably by this length of time I can’t undo all of it! (I think I have mentioned before that my husband is a very passive person, partly because of heredity and also from his family upbringing. He had a rambunctious brother who demanded a lot of family attention and he also experienced ridicule and criticism from his mother about how quiet he was.) He has dealt with depression since he was thirty and I never have really understood all of how he feels. His self image is very, very low. Many times after I finally would get him to open up(usually by my pressing an argument due to my fierce episode!!), I would think, “Where did that come from?” I totally never think the way he does. These clashes have caused 1) me to not press him unless absolutely necessary because I have seen his hurt from me not understanding his thoughts 2) him to clam up because he doesn’t like the confrontation which he does not see him winning anyway 3)or me to try to get more out of him because I continue to get frustrated at his passivity. We have been on a continual merry go round that has caused us to just give up and accept these differences. I knew God had not designed marriage to be so fruitless, and I knew that I was not a good help AT ALL to him, but never could figure out how to reach him! (I had even told him so several times, yet he didn’t know the answer either.) Fortunately we are two people who have always loved each other and also are committed to our marriage. We have never given in to doing anything that would jeopardize that, thank the Lord!

    NOW, I HAVE HOPE!! Just hearing you that day on the radio brought me to tears and conviction. I knew if I could just get past my TONGUE I may have hope! He also is a very logical, focused person/I am a left brain, creative person with ADD! Needless to say this has not helped!! We never approach things the same way (we found that out hanging wallpaper!), almost never think the same way on anything and work together in our self-employed business. Other things as well play in to the mix what with family obligations, etc., but I AM CONFIDENT THAT MY GOD WILL GET US THROUGH THIS!! I have not told him of this particular challenge yet, because i have asked forgiveness several times before and tried to change, yet each time failed. Actually we had sworn off any more marriage conferences because they simply re-stirred things up rather than helped! He still could benefit from counseling at some point(he has tried but not stayed with it in the past), but this may be the way God heals him, through us!

    Anyway, I apologize for the lengthy response here, but i truly feel this is God’s answer for my marriage! We were past the point of “settling” and on the brink of “I don’t know what”!

    I have enjoyed tremendously the blogs and comments from both sites and it feels SO comforting and healing to know others have dealt with these issues and are conquering them!

    Thank you so much, Kim, for listening to the Lord and being obedient and faithful to Him by baring you life! I pray God continues to use you immensely! (I am anxious to watch your video, and anticipate it being something my husband will find relief in.)

    In Him,

  • sherrysue

    dear Kim only eternity will truely my thanks for your book Fierce Women.I know it was put into my life-32yrs married but there were a lot of trouble signs in our marriage. It all came to a screeching halt in Feb 09 with our 16 yr. daughter showing signs of depression and major insecurities. Just around Nov of 2012 did my husband and I hear of your story from another Christian program-a 1 hr. ride so we both heard your story. I could not get away from I just have to get your book. Next to the Bible your book has and continues to expose,wreak havoc on my sinful controlling ways. I am at a little different end of the time-line than you our 5 children are all adults. I feel like a giant steam-ship with Gods help seeking His help to turn things around that our 4 daughters will have a teachable spirit and not walk down the road where I have been. I have no doubt your story God is using to re-route the ways I have used to tear down our home.I see myself on the pages of so many things that you have shared and cant thank you enough for being so honest. I am realizing changes in my heart as I continue to cry before Him and also some slow changes in my husband as my ways drove him into a passive mode that drove me nuts! I come from a line of controlling women and am challenged to give our 2 older daughters a copy of your book as well. The Holy Spirit is using every line in your book to open my eyes to His ways that He wants to work in my heart. There is a true freedom that I am experiencing as I give God my fears and recognize my deeply inbedded pride that was there for yrs.I too had always cried out to God make my husband the spiritual leader I am most grateful for the Lords intervention thru your book I would really appreciate if you could say a prayer too because there are a lot of emotional struggles too.Let me know if youd ever come to Mich because I’d like to put my arms around you and give you a big hug .Gratefully, your sister in Christ sherry Suet

  • Carla

    Hi Kimberly praise God I found ur book. I heard you on family life and I knew we have similar circumstances in our marriages. I got ur book as soon as I could and am half way through it. I have to admit it is hard to read sometimes that I don’t even want to pick it up and see ugly me in it It is so powerful and hands on. I started reading ur book after God opened my eyes to my sin after a year of fighting with my hubby. I had already truly apologized to him and God he says he’s forgiven me but he still seems distant. I know I’ve put up walls that need to come down and I need to give him time but the old sin nature wants it now. Do You have any blogs or is it in the final part of the book where u talk about how long it took for ur marriage to regain marital unity ? Or just something about hope while I wait for that relationship with him that I so have destroyed or your hubby’s perspective during that time of watching to see if it is REAL? Thank you sister for sharing ur life

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Sherry Sue ~

    I am praising the Lord for His gracious work in your life and pray that He continues to work in your marriage. I hope you’ve shared with your daughters where you’ve been wrong and your desire for them to have victory over the controlling tendencies that they’ve witnessed in you. God is so merciful and He is able to take our ashes and turn them into beauty. He never ceases to amaze me!

    Blessings, friend ~

  • Michele Pruitt

    Thank you for your book, “Fierce Women: The Power of a Soft Warrior”. Have almost finished reading it and I think it should be required reading for every wife (and young lady that is thinking about getting married)! What a convicting book it is!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Lori ~

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I loved hearing how God is at work in your life! Please send an update after you are further along in the husband encouragement challenge. Remember to call out for God’s grace and help in living out the truths He’s teaching you, it can’t be done without that. But we have the assurance that He will continue the work He’s begun! (Philipians 1:6).

    Blessings, friend ~

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Michelle ~

    Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. I appreciate your encouragement. I give out the book to girls who are newly engaged as part of their marriage prep. You might consider using the book as a bridal shower gift 🙂

    Blessings, friend ~

  • Jenny

    Hi Kimberly- I caught your message on Family Life Today and will order your book as soon as I’m done with one called “The Strong Willed Wife.” Our marriage has certainly been in a dark place but now is less than roommates: more like strangers. I recognize the truth in your story and how much I’ve hurt my husband and have prayed for the Lord’s help to begin the healing process, starting with me. I’ve apologized to him and our kids. I’ve seen glimpses of God’s grace when I’ve wanted to pout, blow up, or criticize, and God has let me see MY part in the problem and to respond in love instead.
    But then we hit a snag like my husband getting a bad head cold and we’re back in the cycle of me doing everything to keep the house running and our 3 little kids cared for. And I get so angry at him – like he’s abandoned me. I know my critical and controlling nature has contributed to that pattern of him backing off and letting me do it all, and yet in those moments when I think he could do more to help out, I don’t want to submit to him or God. I just get so mad.
    Do you have any words of advice for me at this baby phase of turning the corner on learning to love and respect and submit to my husband? I feel like I’m holding on to the “I’ll change when he changes” attitude.

    Help! And thanks.

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Jenny ~

    With the additional pressure that illness brings, while trying to care for multiple little ones as well as other responsibilities can make you want to give up, but I hope you will remember that these challenges are temporary, and although difficult, God does provide grace for every challenge.

    When you are tempted to give into rage, self-pity, or a critical spirit that is when you must stop, take a deep breath and cry out to God for His grace to overcome that temptation. Ask His Holy Spirit for the power to say “no” to sin and “yes” to God. Ask God to give you greater love for Him.

    I think you’ll find a lot of practical help in the book. I hope you’ll share an update after you’ve read the book.

    I’m pausing now to pray for you and your marriage. May you see God do an incredible work of transformation that is more than you can even imagine (Ephesians 3:20)!

  • Laurel


    We’re two more months along in sactified fierceness, and the blessings of obedience are really starting to show. I had a temporary set back after being in a major car crash three weeks ago, and lost control of my tongue for a few days while on some new medications. My husband responded very matter-of-factly that the situation presented another opportunity to experience God’s work through increased adversity.

    I really can say that since I have been focused on helping my husband with what he can’t do rather than micromanaging what I believe he ought to do, he has been astonishingly motivated and productive, especially over the past few weeks. While I was resident with our daughters for the county 4H program, he pressure canned a batch of green beans that he had also grown from scratch (thank you, YouTube, for the tutorial!). Now if that isn’t God working what I could never ask or imagine, I don’t know what is.

    We are anticipating an opportunity within our church to mentor couples caught in the fiece woman/fearful man cycle.

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Laurel ~

    Thank you so much for sending this update! How exciting to hear what God has been doing, I am so glad you are staying in touch, it is so encouraging to hear stories like yours. I hope many women will continue to persevere beyond the initial conviction when reading the book and it will extend into a life-long commitment of demonstrating true love and glorifying God in many marriages.

    It is thrilling to think that God is preparing you to pour the truth He’s taught you into other couples. I hope you’ll keep us posted. Also, I hope you’ll share this site and blog articles with the women you are mentoring. I am so exited to think about God spreading His glory through marriages across the globe!! 🙂

    Blessings, friend ~

  • Maggie Christianson

    I particularly liked the comment in your book about criticizing where he parked the car. Something so minor yet so destructive because it’s just one of many things he did that I used to criticize. It’s him hearing, “You’re not good enough” or “You’re so incompetent”. What a wake-up call for me! I thank God for putting what I call an “ugly mirror” in front of me. This book showed me my ugliness and it was painful but oh so worth it!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Thanks for your encouraging comment, Maggie. I hope you’ll check out the note and suggestions I left for you on the “Fierce Women” page.

    So thrilled with God’s work in your life!

  • Ashley C

    Hello Kim! I am in the process of reading your book Fierce Women and only have a couple of chapters left! This has been a wonderful book to read and I am certain it will help my marriage by helping me understand how my actions affect my husband as well as others around me. I like your book so much that I am planning on buying it for a couple friends and my mother. I am wondering though if you can suggest a similar book for men that I could pair with yours for a few of the men in my life? Thank you for writing this book, I truly believe that it is one EVERY woman should read! Especially in a time where women are often taught to be the wrong kind of fierce. I think it is such a common thing today that if you’re not that kind of fierce then people think there is something wrong with you, unfortunately! Anyway if you could recommend a book for men to pair with your Fierce Women book I would greatly appreciate it! THANK YOU!!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Ashley ~

    Thank you so much for your comment and encouraging words. I’m so thankful God is using “Fierce Women” in your life and pray He will use it as you share it with others as well.

    You might find some helpful resources at Family Life Today. I’m posting a link below. It provides information on resources by Family Life Ministries (Dennis Rainey) encouraging men to step up courageously and live out godly manhood.
    There are books, videos, and studies that you may find helpful:

    Another recommendation is Tony Evans’ book: “Kingdom Man”

    Hope those help!

    And I hope you’ll join us here on the blog daily.

    Blessings, friend ~

  • steph

    Hi Kim, I went to the women’s conference in west point Nebraska when you were there. I have had a rough 2013 my husband left me and my two kids in march. Well I also found out I was 6 weeks pregnant which devistated me because I didn’t know how I was going to do it. Well I was thinking about putting the baby up for adoption. The first three months of him leaving was the hardest for me because I was angry and hurt and didn’t know what I did so wrong well I turned to looking for comfert and exceptence in men.(note I’ve been raised in spirt filled church my whole life but if never fully gave my life to him in a relationship) all the men I saw and slept with would stop talking to me after I gave them what they wanted which damaged me even more I didn’t know what was so wrong with me why couldn’t I keep a man let alpne my husband which left me once before about two years ago.I didn’t understand was I that horrible of a person that ugly and nasty to look at that not even my husband wanted me I was struggling big time.well I don’t remember how it happened but three months after God showed. Me to forgive so I started there, then he showed me exactly what he showed you I was evil to him told him at least once a day I hated him didn’t matter how much I told him I loved him that one I hate you crushed him I mentally abused him often my mom worned me I didn’t listen didn’t think anything was wrong with me on top of that I was very very depressed even tried to od I thought the worst of me and everyone around me. I just wanted out of this person I became I thought it was his fault that I was this horrible person. And in the mean time all did was try everything to let me know he loved me and our kids but still nothing was good enough so he turned to pot and the neighbors even more well God showed me all that I did to him and all that je tries to do to make me happy that crushed me some what more slowly I have gave everything to God and even though my husband isn’t back yet I am content in Him and waiting for our families miracle. I read fierce women which has helped a lot and you coming to talk as well Ive been praying a lot and giving it to Him every day. My husband is in texas and I am in Nebraska and we haven’t had any contact accept in November. But I still believe God is going to bring him home and restore our marriage. I’m npt giving up I want our marriage to bring people to God

  • Novella Neal

    Kim, I am finally nearing the end of the book and I have received so much insite to being a “Fierce Woma”, but I am so broken I can cry. I have tried to model the things in the book in small steps and the more I try the more my guy “beats” me down. I don’t know what to do, I try to do what it is he wants and not may way and it still is not right (75% of time). I told him he doesn’t trust me and he thinks I am hiding something I need to say. I feel I can’t do anything right anymore and i am so hurt right now. I read the book with so much excitement and put things in action in small steps (It is hard). I ahve had to do things by myself as a woman and very few men helping me. Now, to let someone lead who doesn’t trust that I can do things hurt. Help…

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Steph ~

    Wow, you’re walking through a really difficult season, I am so sorry. I’m thankful you’ve read “Fierce Women” and hope you are applying much of that to your situation (although it will be difficult being separated from your husband).

    My first word of encouragement to you (if you’ve not already done this) is to find a couple of older women who will help you navigate through this season and also hold you accountable.

    Here are a few things that I’d suggest prayerfully considering:

    1) Contact your husband and ask him if you can meet. Ask his forgiveness. Let him know specific ways you’ve wronged him and how you desire to work toward reconciliation by meeting together with spiritual leadership from your church.

    2) Saturate yourself with God’s Word through listening to solid biblical teaching. Copy and paste this link to your browser and it will take you to a program from Revive Our Hearts Ministries that I think you’ll find helpful:

    Listening to programs from their website will provide you with a biblical perspective.

    3) Look to Christ ultimately to fulfill your emotional needs.

    4) If you’re not plugged in to a church with solid Bible teaching, find one and get connected there. None of us can navigate the Christian life well, attempting to do it as a “solo” believer, in order to grow, we need the healthy environment that is found in a body of growing believers.

    4) Seek input from more mature believers to give you wisdom for parenting your children and providing them a secure and loving home environment.

    Did you place your child in an adoptive home? I can only imagine the struggle you’ve been experiencing as you seek to know what is best for your children and to discern God’s will. I pray that He will do a miraculous work in your marriage and bring complete restoration to your family. God desires to provide you with freedom in Christ and a life of abundant blessing, that comes from walking in obedience to Him.

    In John 10:10, Jesus told us that:

    “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

    Pausing to pray for you now, dear one. May the God of all comforts bring you comfort and peace, may He perform an Ephesians 3:20 work in your life!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Dear Novella ~

    I am so sorry. I know this is hard. Have you reached the Appendix portion of the book, yet? In the Appendix, I have guidelines when confrontation is necessary. You might read through those guidelines and the Scriptures I reference there, then consider having an honest discussion with your husband, humbly sharing your heart. Let him know that you realize how you’ve wronged him in the past, confess specific ways you’ve done that, but then let him know that you desire to work toward a healthy, loving relationship. Humbly share with him that you are trying, but need his help.

    It took a very long time before my husband recognized his role in our marital problems. I wasn’t able to open his eyes to that, but I just continued to love him as I was loved by Christ, and to pray and wait. Thankfully, God opened his eyes and began to change my husband. He can do that for you as well.

    Please read through my comment above to Steph and see if any of that might also apply to your situation (especially the link I shared with her).

    Pausing to pray for you now, dear one. May you see God step into your lives and do more than you can ask or think!

  • steph

    Thank you kim. And no I didn’t give baby up God told me everything is taken care of and I believe n have faith in him so I kept baby and am so glad I did. And now I’m just waiting for His wor and miracle I’ve been doing a lot of what you have told me already I just have to wait for God now its all in his hands to touch my husband and bring him home

  • Novella Neal

    I am still reading the book and nearing the end. After each chapter I have paused to reflect and write my feelings in my prayer journal. Inspite, of what is going on around me, I am pressing in to the “One” who has loved me through so much. I am going to take a sabbatical to spend some time with the Lord in the next couple of weeks to work on some of my fierceness and allow it to be used for God’s glory; not Novella’s. Thank you for the prayers and words Also, I feel the attacks on my relationship are the result of taking a stand against the enenmy on the war of Human Trafficking. Since, I have voiced my puspose and started work in this ministry area, the heat became intense. Keep me in your prayer as I pray also for a woman such as yourself to take a stand for relationships and women.

  • Marilyn

    After several months of counseling with our Pastoral staff, they recommended “Fierce Women” I ordered it right away and could not wait to receive biblical insight and what your story had to say to me. I am through the word “APPRECIATION” and I feel like a total failure. I am 60 years old, married to a man who is immature in every sense of the word who says “God tells him this and God tells him that and our marriage problems stem from “MY” money problems and that I am being punished God. Kim, I have survived “man” The father of my children was an alcoholic, abuser and unfaithful. In our 3rd year of marriage, our youngest child died from SIDS. Soon after, I divorced him because he was headed down the road to hell. In the end, only my gracious God saved me. HE held me up,gave me the strength most people never suffer and I lived through HIM, raised our son in the church and was single for 14 years. I met my husband 21 years ago. Typical “nice guy”. The truth is he was/is a mess – agreed to sexual exploitation at 14 (which I know now confused his gender development), liked pornography, was stubborn and immature, and is SO SURE he has a hotline to God. He has never suffered the fate of losing a child, parent or best friend (all of which I have experienced and had to rely on Jesus to hold me up) and yet, he knows it all and I am the fault here and I am the reason God punishes us and brings conflict into our home. Fierce? Absolutely! I cannot depend on him, I get so ruffled when he talks about Scientology and how “ENGRAMS” have me so clogged up and that he doesn’t deserve to be treated “like this”. He has not worked full time in almost 3 years holding on for the”perfect job” – hes 58 years old – and now we are on the verge of financial ruin. I have babied him, counseled for him, studied everything I could read in order to bring the Glory of God into our relationship. He treats me like I’m still a baby christian and that he knows all & has all the answers. Having told my pathetic story where God has not yet provided restoration, I would just like to say that the concept of this book is stellar for young women entering into marriage. If the applications were introduced early on, couples may have a chance AND the time to wait for God’s answer. When I reached 60, I learned from women’s bible study of how a woman changes – I have learned about what God has placed in us that we need when we become, as the book of Tits tells us, that the older women shall teach the younger ones. And that we are now to be respected and revered – for us – this book is frustrating because the dialogue is so vague and we are past the kind of kid glove balancing act needed to reverse a mans bad behavior – What I DO struggle with is how badly I would treat him if I didn’t pray every minute of every day for God to control my tongue.I beg Jesus to forgive my sins in the thoughts I have and how lonely I get some days for a mature adult to create a relationship with. I feel like APPRECIATE-ing him to this level is backsliding into an immature abyss. I feel like with every lesson the Lord has taught me, I am backing up in order to accommodate a man who needs to grow so much more in the Lord. His blasphemy of what he “knows” grates on my soul. I take comfort in the fact that God knows EVERY THING about us, and yet I see no progress in his walk. I feel the need in my later years to care for myself in a healthy, mature, informed presence with our Savior. So, as recommended as this was from our Pastor, I feel it is directed more at younger women and would be a great suggested read during pre-marital counseling. But always and forever, I will wait on the Lord.

  • Sarah de Alfaro

    Well, we finished up our study yesterday and had a wonderful time sharing what we learned from reading Fierce Women. Some of the lessons the ladies shared were, the importance of not emasculating our men, the importance of not controling our husbands, the importance of discussing even small decisions with them, among other things. We had such wonderful times of sharing each week, and I am so very thankful for the older women in the group who were both open with us younger women concerning their struggles as they were in helping us throug some of our struggles. Our group has been meeting for close to 10 years now (although members come and go), and we have never, ever had such an authentic time of sharing. I pray it continues as we do other studies. I will attach some of the pictures from our “bridal shower” yesterday.

  • Abigail Jack

    Hey Mrs. Kim! I read your blog on the the tree of life. It was great!

    Have a Blessed day:-)

    Love, Abigail

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Wow, Sarah ~

    Thank you so much for sharing how God is working! I am so encouraged to know how God used the study and I pray the work He began continues! I look forward to seeing those pics!

    Blessing, friend!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Abigail 🙂

    I’m so glad! I love hearing from readers. Thanks for taking the time to leave an encouraging comment!

    Much love, friend ~

  • Whitney

    Thank you for writing this book. I have really enjoyed the mix of your personal story and the practical tips with Scripture all over! Reminds me of one of my favorite books, Ruth Myers “The Perfect Love” style of writing.
    On a non-literary note, I have seen Jesus expand the gospel in my own heart as I have focused in on my responsibility in marriage instead of focusing on what my husband is or isn’t doing right. I have a quote, from Ruth Myers again, that basically says that as a wife I am not in charge of my husbands spiritual growth, or making sure he does his job. My responsibility to make sure I am doing my job and growing in the Lord.
    FWSW has helped remind me that the grand story of God is not me focused. My husband doesn’t exist to meet all my needs or to make me happy and do things my way. The glory of the gospel is living for others, to serve them out of love for the glory of God. It has exposed the sin of my service, wanting to be affirmed and given love in return all the time. But Christ did not consider equality with God something to be grasped!! The ways you remind women of the beauty of the Truth makes us have to come to grips with our role in our marriages. I don’t merely want my marriage to survive, but thrive!
    I am really learning about meekness as a whole and seeing the Lord start to control my speech and attitude. Now I try to only ask my husband to do something once, since he is a grown man and I care more about our peace than my plans being carried out:) I have begun to see my husband as a unique gift, given in wisdom and love to me from my Father. I loved your line about that phantom husband…that we need to let him die because he doesn’t exist.
    I am hoping to go through this book again as a “study’ with some other young wives. How beautiful is the wife who gives life and love freely because she is so secure in Christ she needs not suck the life out of her husband!
    Thank you!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Whitney ~

    Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I’m so glad God used the book in your life.I pray that your relationship with your husband will continue to grow and become a beautiful reflection of the gospel that brings Him great glory! I’m really excited to hear that you may be taking a group through this together. I believe that is such a vital component for spiritual growth: the Titus 2:3–5 model.

    I hope you’ll stay connected here by signing up (in the “Subscribe” box) to receive the daily email blog post in your inbox and share it with others.

    Blessings, friend ~

  • Phyllis H. Buckman

    I caught part of an interview yesterday on AFR where you were speaking to Nancy Demoss(sp?) and knew I had to search out the book. I just ordered it. You see, I am a “fierce” woman and the difficulties that has brought into my marriage to a fearful man have manifested in many detrimental ways. Praise God, however, it was only a short while ago that I realized my “weaker” husband seemed to be getting more so and that I was the reason. God put it into my heart that I had not been the wife I THOUGHT I was being (submissive, supportive); instead I would outwardly “submit” but inwardly I was rebellious. The part of the interview I heard seemed to flow right into what I had realized about myself and how I had begun praying that God would show me how to be supportive, compassionate, affectionate and kind to my husband. If I could be all those things to strangers and guests, didn’t my husband deserve the same or better from me?

    I look forward to reading your book. I thank you in advance for writing it and thank God that I heard that interview!

    A runner in the race,

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Phyllis ~

    Thank you for taking time to write me a note. I’m so glad God used that interview to speak to you. July 18 (this Friday) through July 25th you can hear my husband and I on Revive Our Hearts sharing our story. I hope you can catch that and perhaps invite your husband to listen with you. It might open some helpful discussion between you.

    I hope you’ll let me know how God uses the book. Be encouraged, knowing that God is at work and when we yield fully to Him, He is able to do more than we can ask or think! (Eph. 3:20)

    Blessings ~

  • Courtney G.

    I read your article posted on Revive Our Hearts while eating lunch the other day. I instantly bristled up at the thought “change myself”.. how can I change him through myself. I felt like I had already tried all the alternatives. But then today randomly (unplanned and didn’t realize the connection until later) that Revive our hearts was on in the car while I drove across town. There you and your husband were talking about your marriage. The one key difference is that while my husband and I were raised in Christian homes, there was never a strong witness in marriage. I am my mom–strong, opinionated, overpowering, bossy, “helpful in pointing out flaws” etc. My mom and step dad fought a lot. My husband’s dad was resentful of his wife his whole marriage and eventually they divorced last year after a lengthy separation and turmoil in the entire family. Needless to say, my husband and I haven’t followed into the godly family model as we stopped going to church and reading the Word. We both felt as if we were Christians, but not leaving it out at all.

    Early in my marriage (like 1 week after our honeymoon) my husband came home and downloaded an online video game on his computer. This game engulfed his life and our lives. He played around 30-70 hours a week depending on how much time he had off work. He is a US Soldier and they have a lot of leave if they have it saved up after and before deployments. Needless to say, I begged for affection, sexual and otherwise. I couldn’t believe it, married for a few weeks and already going to bed alone. He deployed 6 months after our marriage and during that time went weeks without calling and emailing me. A transgression occurred on my part, mainly out of loneliness, but of course completely from sin. We stayed together, but he retreated even more into himself. Our marriage has never been good. A day or two it’s been nice, but never really good and happy.

    But it wasn’t until watching the video posted under profiles on True Woman profile that it hit me what has happened. And yes it has been me all along. I can’t change his lack of spiritual relationship or his desire to live a fully Christian life, but my behaviors, words, actions, etc. have destroyed whatever we could possibly have. It sounds almost identical to my marriage. My husband and I have felt like roommates for almost the entire marriage. We both have become angrier and yell more. I have started liking it when he is away. (he was away this week and I was so much happier). He came home and started in on his video games. that is what he is doing now. But, hopefully I can learn to change. It will be hard, this is hard. But we are miserable. My daughter hates to see us fight, she is 3 and says “daddy and mommy don’t yell”. I don’t want her to not know what a loving relationship looks like!!! To grow up never seeing her parents hold hands or kiss or hug or act like they are in love. 🙁 I want her to see us passionate for each other and to love each other and love the Lord. It’s going to take a major change. I am hopeful right now but also so fearful of how hard it will be. I want to have love back. I want to be loved. Not hated. My husband can’t stand me. I know it. I see it. I know I have become an enemy to him. Thank you for your true testimony as it has reached this tired, lonely Army wife.

  • Josefina

    I was on my way to work on Monday & as I try to listen to Nancy quite often & love her show I heard that the topic was about marriage. My husband & I are going through a very very dark & difficult time in our marriage. I don’t see any hope because I see that my husband has given up on our marriage so I’m fighting on my own. I know that with God all things are possible so I hold on to that hope. Your story spoke to my heart & it seemed as if God was speaking to me & telling me don’t give up keep on praying. I bought your book & God has really shown me where I have also failed as a wife. I just started reading it & it’s already a big blessing. I hope to learn from it & take your advice. I’m praying that God will give me an opportunity to ask for forgiveness & that HE will restore my marriage & make it much stronger than ever before. I love God & I want to honor HIM. Thank you for sharing your story. I believe that God has truly used your testimony to speak to many hurting wife’s & to give us hope.

  • Michelle

    I have been separated from my husband for the last couple of months. Only God can miraculously bring us back together… Truthfully, I don’t want the marriage we have right now; I want the Lord to do a new thing. I don’t want to be divorced.

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Dear Courtney ~

    I am so very sorry, I remember so well being at that point. I was fearful that it was too late, I was afraid of my husband’s reaction to my confession, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to change . . . the fear was paralyzing. I want to encourage you to step out in faith. Confession of sin is the first step. Spend some time seeking God in prayer, writing out specific ways that you can see you’ve sinned against God and your husband. Ask God to show you specific things you need to ask his forgiveness of and share that with him.

    If you listened to the ROH broadcast alone, you might consider listening to it again with your husband and ask him to share his heart with you, to let you know what ways he might be able to relate to our story. You can pull it up online at Revive Our Hearts. Share with your husband that you now recognize ways you’ve harmed him, how you’ve been critical and unkind. Ask his forgiveness.

    Also, it might be helpful for both of you to view our marriage video together. Just click on the Video tab above and watch the video entitled: Marriage Miracle.”

    Also, Revive Our Hearts has a helpful tool: The 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge. You can find it here:

    Do you have the book, “Fierce Women”? I think you would find much in that book that could be helpful. I tell more of our story there, but also give a lot of practical suggestions for building a united relationship. Also, there are several blog posts on this website that you might find helpful. If you put your email address in the “subscribe” box in the upper left column, you’ll receive a blog post from me Monday through Friday in your email inbox.

    Also, Courtney, are you and your husband in a solid, biblical church? I hope you are, and that you will seek out a spiritually mature couple who may be able to help you work through some of the heart issues that lie hidden beneath the surface of your relationship.

    Demonstrating true love to your husband will include having some humble but honest communication (not emotional venting or drama) about the amount of time he spends gaming.

    The most important thing for you is to find your deepest fulfillment and satisfaction in Christ alone. He alone can meet your longings. Also, I hope you’ll consider the principles I’m sharing in the blog posts that I will attach here:

    Pausing to pray for you and your husband, now friend.

    Praying that God will restore your hope and fill you with faith for what He can do in your marriage. May you see Him perform an Ephesians 3:20 work!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello Josefina ~

    So good to hear from you and I’m so thankful for God’s providence in directing you to the program. I want to encourage you that God is faithful. I’ve seen Him step into the darkest situations to bring transformation!

    If you listened to the ROH broadcast alone, you might consider listening to it again with your husband and ask him to share his heart with you, to let you know what ways he might be able to relate to our story. You can pull it up online at Revive Our Hearts. Also, it might be helpful for both of you to view our marriage video together. Just click on the Video tab above and it is the video entitled: Marriage Miracle.”

    Spend some time seeking God in prayer, writing out specific ways that you can see you’ve sinned against God and your husband. Ask God to show you specific things you need to ask his forgiveness of and share that with him.

    Also, there are several blog posts on this website that you might find helpful. If you put your email address in the “subscribe” box in the upper left column, you’ll receive a blog post from me Monday through Friday in your email inbox.

    So thankful for the hope we have in Him. Praying for you now, May you see God accomplish an Eph. 3:20 work in your marriage ~

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Dear Michelle ~

    I am so very sorry for the painful season you’re in right now, but I want you to know, God is able to do a new work in your life!

    My first word of encouragement to you (if you’ve not already done this) is to find a couple of older women who will help you navigate through this season and also hold you accountable.

    Spend some time seeking God in prayer, writing out specific ways that you can see you’ve sinned against God and your husband. Ask God to show you specific things you need to ask his forgiveness of and share that with him.

    Also, there are several blog posts on this website that you might find helpful. If you put your email address in the “subscribe” box in the upper left column, you’ll receive a blog post from me Monday through Friday in your email inbox.

    Here are a few things that I’d suggest prayerfully considering:

    1) Contact your husband and ask him if you can meet. Ask his forgiveness. Let him know specific ways you’ve wronged him and how you desire to work toward reconciliation.

    2) Saturate yourself with God’s Word through listening to solid biblical teaching. Copy and paste this link to your browser and it will take you to a program from Revive Our Hearts Ministries that I think you’ll find helpful:

    Listening to programs from their website will provide you with a biblical perspective.

    3) Look to Christ ultimately to fulfill your emotional needs.

    4) If you’re not plugged in to a church with solid Bible teaching, find one and get connected there. None of us can navigate the Christian life well, attempting to do it as a “solo” believer, in order to grow, we need the healthy environment that is found in a body of growing believers.

    4) Seek input from more mature believers to give you wisdom as you navigate this period of separation.

    I’m pausing to pray for you now. May you see God move in your life in such a way that you are amazed by His “new” work!

    “For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” (Isa. 43:19)

  • Josefina

    Thank you Kimberly for your response. I would love to share your story with my husband but right now it’s not a good time for him. I would like to share all of my story to you so you could better understand my situation but it’s to hurtful & personal. As I’m reading your book, I have realized that I made a lot of errors in the way I behaved toward my husband since all this mess started but I believe it was all Gods plan to show me where I’ve been so wrong. I use to be afraid of the “what ifs” but God has made me understand that I have not been trusting in HIM completely. HE has shown me to not be afraid. I have put all of my trust in my husband to supply all my needs. It has been an eye opener for me & I have asked God for forgiveness. God also showed me where I have failed in my marriage & have asked my husband to forgive me. All my hope is in God & him alone. I will let you know when God moves in our marriage & share his wonderful mercy but until then I’m reading his word & on my knees praying for my husband & my marriage. I know God has much more to teach me & my husband. Thank you for your prayers!

  • Barbara

    I am part of a small ladies/moms group meeting weekly in my house.
    We will read through the book Fierce Woman for those next weeks – one chapter a week – together (starting in 2 weeks). I pray for God to deeply speak to our hearts and do a great work in each of our marriages.
    Thank you for praying for us 🙂
    Thank you for writing this book!!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Wow, Barbara, that is so exciting!

    Thank you for sharing with me about this, I am lifting you all up in prayer, now! Don’t be surprised if women get a little uncomfortable at points as they work through the book. It can be a bit convicting, but I pray God will do a sweet work of repentance where needed, and encouragement as well.

    Please stop in again to let us hear how it is going!

  • Josefina

    Kimberly God has been working in my marriage. A couple of days my husband was ready to leave but God used my son to speak to him. The Holy Spirit truly grabbed a hold of his heart & he couldn’t leave. I saw God’s amazing power when I thought all was lost. He showed himself faithful. I have been on my knees & fasting for a couple of month now & I feel so overwhelmed but I can’t give up specially now that HE is working on my husband. I feel as if I’m fighting satan himself. I want God to do an Ephesians 3:20 in my marriage. I read your book & it truly spoke to my heart & praying God will completely heal my marriage so I can use some of the things that you say in your book. I’m already using some things from the book. Please lift my husband in your prayers.

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello, again dear Josefina ~

    Thank you for giving me an update, so grateful to hear how God is working. Don’t give up, friend, continue to pray and trust the Spirit to direct you. Cry out for God’s grace to apply the truth of His Word.

    Praying for your marriage ~

  • Brenda

    I attended a conference you spoke at in Sedalia, MO. I was trying to remember the name of a book you recommended about a thirty day challenge for us to do for our husbands. could you by chance remind me of what that book is called? God bless you!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello, Brenda ~

    Hope all is well with you! That challenge comes in the form of a free pdf from Revive Our Hearts Ministries and you can find it at this link:

    Also, there are several marriage posts here on this website that you might find helpful. You can access those by clicking on the word “Marriage” in the “Tags” cloud on the side bar (upper left column).

    Hope this helps!

  • Michelle Ayres

    Dear Kimberly,
    I just recently met you at Littleton Bible Chapel and had the great privilege of having you pray for our upcoming trip to Mexico! Well, as it turns out, the missionary wife that we are staying with is also reading “Fierce Women,” is very excited about it, and feels it would be beneficial to these Mexican women, so together we are wondering how we may be able to present a brief overview of your material to the women in the more established church of Emiliano Zapata. I had thought I heard you say that women in many countries have been able to watch the “Marriage Miracle” video? I can’t seem to find this video with other translations, so I thought I would just ask you about how to get ahold of this, and any other Spanish resources you might have! It would also be helpful to us to be able to have a physical copy of the video that doesn’t require the internet to stream the video. I did find some of the Spanish resources in the True Woman website. If there isn’t much that is available in Spanish for “Fierce Women” might we, with your permission, just translate some of the questions at chapter ends and from the handouts you gave to generate discussion? Thank you again so much for sharing your time with us in Colorado!
    Serving Him,
    Michelle Ayres

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello, Michelle!

    So good to hear from you. I am slowly working my way through piles of correspondence, so please forgive my delay in replying to your request. I’m so excited about this opportunity for you to minister to the women in Mexico!

    Yes, please translate the discussion questions into Spanish for your group! Also, the Spanish version of the “Marriage Miracle” video wasn’t done by ROH, we found it on Youtube a few years ago, and didn’t even know someone had copied it and put the translation in. I don’t have a hard copy and haven’t been able to find that Spanish version again this morning (by going back through Youtube).

    The group that translated it in Brazil did ask ROH’s permission to translate it into Portuguese, but they did it themselves, and I believe that video can be accessed through putting the title in the search engine (in that language). I wonder if you translate “Marriage Miracle” into Spanish and try to access it through the search engine on Youtube if you could find it that way?

    I’m sorry I can’t be of more help on this. We’ve been contacted by women from around the world that have been impacted by the video, but I’m not sure if they are bi-lingual, or how they are getting the message in their language.

    Pausing to pray for you again, Michelle.

    Please let me hear how your ministry there goes!

  • Joyce Griffin

    Oh how I needed this book 29 years ago. I am so thankful for God using you to write this book. It’s been 7 years since biblical counseling changed our hearts and marriage. We are so grateful for his mercy and grace to us. I first read your book in 2013. I am now holding a small group of ladies in my home to talk about your book and pray for changes in our marriages. I have bought many, many of your books and given them out. I already have a waiting list of women wanting another small group. God is using this book to minister the truth of his word to women and to do war on pride and self righteousness. To God be the glory!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello, Joyce ~

    Thank you for sharing. I’m so excited to hear how God is using the book and thankful you’re taking women through it. May you see much fruit from your faithfulness in investing in women’s lives. I don’t know about bulk discounts, but will check with Moody on that and get back to you!

    Stay in touch and share how God works through the small group studies you’re doing! I hope you encourage the women to subscribe to the blog so they can receive a post in their inbox Monday through Friday!

    Blessings ~

  • Maria

    Hi Kim,
    I related so much with your story. I am a very strong and determined woman that loves God so much. God revealed to me that I was going to marry my husband before we were even friends, so Ive always known it was His pick. However I was using my strenght to be destructive. After 7 years of marriage I once told the Lord, I know I should submit to my husband and love him like the church loves you, but he’s SO not like you! Help me, because I know Im wrong but I don’t know what to do. I laugh about my foolishness because I was blind at how amazing he really is, I was just so focused on the bad, on the shortcomings according to my own standards. That night I was about to wander in social media when somebody posted your book. I opened the review and knew this was the answer to my prayer. I downloaded it and started changing the same night.
    It was obvious it wouldn’t be easy but I truly wanted to change. It was so eye opening, the Lord truly spoke to me, and after 2 years I have become more patient, flexible and loving. Still a long way to go but my marriage is stronger than ever!

    This change inspired other friends too, many want me to disciple them in this area. However, most of them speak Spanish only. Have you ever consider translating Fierce Women? I could even help!
    For now, I was thinking about putting together small summaries of each chapter to share in a bible study format.

    Many blessings to you, I too long so much for the day when we meet our Lord face to face!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello, Maria ~

    Thank you so much for sharing some of your story with me. I love hearing how God steps into our mess to bring a glorious transformation for His glory! I pray that your love for Christ and your husband is continuing to deepen and grow. If you found the book helpful, you may want to subscribe to receive a daily blog post (Mon. through Friday) in your inbox.

    Yes, I would love for “Fierce Women” to be translated into Spanish! Please join me in asking God to accomplish that! I was recently in the D.R. and saw such great need to have the book translated. Are you familiar with the ministry: Aviva Nuestros Corazones? (see link below)

    This ministry has solid biblical resources and also needs translators to help with projects like my book. I encourage you to check out the ministry and see if it resonates with where you are. You may want to contact them and relay your story to them, plus your desire to work on the translation of “Fierce Women.”

    I recently blogged about how that ministry began, if you want to check that post out, click on the link below:

    Many blessings to you, friend, let me know if you connect with ANC and how God works through that!

  • Theresa

    Dear Kim, I am reading your book, Fierce Woman, and am enjoying it very much. I am really considering how men and women are designed differently and as I read scripture am seeing how women influence men. One thing I am hoping you can help me with is I am having trouble seeing the biblical basis for saying God designed us to be fierce. I am also reading True Woman 101 and am enjoying that as well. Both resoruces are wonderful but I am not quite settled yet in the biblical basis for this and I really want to get it because it does make sense as I read about it but I need more. Can you please explain it with scripture to me? Thank you so much.

  • Mary

    Hi Kimberly,
    I’ve been wanting to tell you about how your book helped me! Truly, I can see how God is so good, and hope this will encourage you to know what a blessing your testimony and the lessons you learnt have been to me. 🙂
    About 2 years ago, I was single, after having broken up with my boyfriend of about 8 years. Familiarity had certainly bred contempt, and although I loved him I could see too many flaws and problems that I decided I could not spend the rest of my life with him. Also at that time, I googled “why are women fierce”, I think because I had an argument with my sister and decided to understand humankind. ;P Google turned up your book and I read the synopsis and I was really interested in it. Not long later, I found myself at a Christian bookstore getting a book for my friend when it occured to me to search for your book. I found it, to my delight, and devoured its pages as quickly as I could. It was a complete revelation! All the while, i never saw how I did any wrong in my relationship and attributed every failure and disappointment to my ex. Until I read your book and saw how I was doing exactly what you had done wrong! It was humbling, and precisely what I needed to hear at that time. I cant remember whether this was before or after I reconnected with my ex, but we met up again after a period of three months of no contact. Both of us had gone through God’s workshop, and had our hearts and lives salvaged. Our circumstances, experiences and most importantly the word of God had reshaped two ill- fitting puzzle pieces. We started dating again, though I was haunted by the fear of past experiences. This time though, the dance was different. I had changed, he had changed. God had amazingly fixed us and brought us together again. In December last year, we got married and contrary to what I had previously imagined, I did not have to be dragged by wild horses to the altar. I was thrilled, and still am, to be married to my ex-ex, now husband. God is amazing- what are the odds that I would somehow come to know of your book and read it right at that critical period when I needed it most by Googling an entirely random search?
    I had been praying about it for a few years, my heart tormented and confused about the prospect of marriage. Truly God answered prayer. He is amazingly faithful and His promise did not fail. Out from the stump of the felled tree, a new shoot grew. I’m eternally grateful to God for being so wonderful and amazing, and I want to thank you too for being an instrument of His. Your obedience and service to God has brought blessing to others, and I want to thank you dear sister in Christ!
    I’m not even from America- I live in Singapore, and yet, I have been blessed by your life and work. Thank you once again!

    PS: sorry if there are typos, I’m doing this on my phone so its a bit tiny.

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello, Theresa ~

    So sorry to be so late in responding, I am just now reading your comment. I believe you left it on the blog while I was in Brazil and I’m quite behind in answering my correspondence.

    Scripture doesn’t use the word “fierce” in direct relation to how women are designed, but if you’re reading the book, you know that I point out how Jesus commended women who demonstrated strength, faith, and courage.

    If after reading the book you still have questions, please leave a comment or send an email and I’ll be happy to dialogue with you about it, but I hope the book clears up any confusion.

    Thank you so much for your question, and I’m so glad you’re studying TW 101!!

  • Michelle

    I just finished reading your book and wanted to take the time to thank you for being so transparent. Your willingness to share your struggles has really helped me to understand that my marriage is to be a reflection of God and His relationship to His bride.
    As I was reading your book, I kept wondering if this person knows that God had her write this book for me (I know, if you had a dollar for every time you have heard this!). I too had some brokenness as a child and have spent most of my 20 years of marriage trying to control my environment to protect myself. I know you probably had young brides in mind when you wrote this, but it speaks to wives no matter how long they have been married. A few years ago, my husband suffered a near fatal heart attack at 46 (at the time, we had a two year old daughter and two elementary age sons) and then in the next five years lost his job not once, but four times. I believe my reaction to his suffering pushed my husband away from being a Godly man. I’m trying to slowly build my platform of trust with him and restore him to the rightful place as the head of our family.
    My eyes have been open to God’s plan of how marriage should work and I’m excited to dig deeper in the Word and apply the truths I uncover to my marriage. I’m look with hopeful anticipation on how my marriage can be a reflection of Christ. Please keep pushing towards truth. God has used you to do a mighty work that has spoken to many women (me included).

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello, Michelle ~

    Thank you so much for sharing some of your story with me. You’ve walked through some painful challenges, but I am so glad to hear how you are processing the past and looking with hope to the future. I pray that you see many evidences of God at work in your life and marriage. If you haven’t seen our video, I hope you’ll check that out (I’ll post the link below). My husband struggled for years, it might be helpful to share the video with your husband and have an honest dialogue with him, asking His forgiveness for ways you’ve failed him.

    I hope you’ll stay connected through the daily blog. You can “subscribe” to receive a blog post in your inbox Monday through Friday by putting your email address in the “Subscribe” gadget at the upper left hand of this page.

    Michelle, God is at work and He delights in bringing a beautiful work of transformation for His glory!

    Pausing to pray for you, now ~

  • Sydel Perez de Dorrejo

    Im from Dominican Republic and i met you here for the Mujer verdadera conference. When i told Chiree from ROH that your testimony had impacted and ministered to me in a special way and she asked if i wanted to meet you, i was thrilled! Then you recomended i read your book ” Fierce Women” and it has been a journey of many tears and conviction also a lot of seeking God and his word and have seen his glory in my life. There are things you share that have have opened my eyes and let me understand things about myself that i had never thought of before but on top of it made me understand how i cuold be a soft worrior a strong surrendered woman for Him, for my husband , my children and the church! Thank You for sharing and teaching, God bless you and take this knowledge to Fierce woman around the globe that need to be delivered and their minds renewed.

  • Michelle

    Thank you for your gentle encouragement to ask for my husband’s forgiveness. I have done many things you have suggested in your book and I can already see changes but I have not mustered the courage to ask for his forgiveness.

    One thing I would like to share for anyone reading this is if you have been abused in your childhood and have not shared this with your husband, I encourage you to do so. The biggest step I have made in healing was to tell my husband about my past abuse (this happen only recently). I wrote him a letter and read it to him and it has helped him to understand where I’m coming from and why I react the way I do. If you have someone you trust, you can even walk through the process of writing a letter with this person but don’t delay. It could be the start of a great new beginning.

    Thank you again for listening and praying!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello, Sydel!

    I am so excited to hear from you, and yes, I remember meeting you. I’m thankful you’ve been impacted by reading the book, but especially by seeking God and His Word. He is so faithful to provide the grace we need for the hard decisions and choices He calls us to make in our marriage relationships. May you see much fruit from your pursuit to honor God as His “soft warrior!”

    I hope you’ll stay connected through the daily blog. You can “subscribe” to receive a blog post in your inbox Monday through Friday by putting your email address in the “Subscribe” gadget at the upper left hand of this page. I’m posting a link below to a post you might find helpful right now:

    Pausing to pray for you and your marriage, so thankful for God’s work of grace in your life!

  • Kelly

    Dear Kim,
    I heard you and Leroy on Gary Chapmans’ show today. My mouth fell open and my eyes filled with tears as you described my marriage to the tee. Everything you described I could so identify with. I guess I did not know any one else experienced this kind of marriage. I was particularly interested in Leroy’s response because I can only imagine my husbands. My husband took his life two years ago. I could spend hours explaining the situation but the bottom line is my husband who was talented, gifted, and loved by everyone he knew chose to end his life. I did not believe I blamed myself for his death until today when I heard you and Leroy talking. My husband is gone and I cannot change the way the story ended. Only God knows how much the marriage contributed to his death. There were many other factors. But I am left with guilt for my behavior, more anger than ever. I am looking for words of comfort.

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Dearest Kelly,

    I am so very sorry for your pain. My heart broke reading your comment this morning. First of all, I want to remind you that the condemnation you are experiencing is not from God (Rom. 8:1). I so appreciate your honesty and willingness to take responsibility for your actions, but you cannot take responsibility for your husband’s choice to end his life.

    Know that God’s heart of compassion is open to you . . . He sees what you are dealing with today and the heartbreak of your past. He sees, He knows, is intimately aware of every detail, and He cares for you.

    Kelly, I encourage you to confess specifics to God that He has brought to mind and ask forgiveness for those, trusting in God’s complete forgiveness of those sins (1 John 1:9) . . . but know that He does not hold you accountable for your husband’s choice. No matter what role you played in the marriage problems, both spouses have the responsibility to work toward building a relationship of true love and unity. Perhaps your husband failed to confront you in your sin? Perhaps he failed in other ways, I don’t know . . . but I do know that in every marriage failure, both individuals hold responsibility.

    Kelly, I pray that you will receive God’s grace to turn from your anger (Eph. 4:26, 30–32). God is still at work in your life, He has not abandoned you. Cry out to Him for grace to navigate this painful season. You’ve not yet seen the end of the story He is writing for you.

    “But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE.” Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you . . .” (James 4:6–8).

    Kelly, if you haven’t already done this, I encourage you to reach out to a spiritually mature woman in your church (and I pray you are closely connected with a biblical body) and ask her to walk with you through this process of mourning and dealing with regrets. God is able to bring comfort and healing, and He desires for you to be whole and to experience the true joy that comes from walking in humility and unity with Him.

    A resource that I believe you’d find helpful is a book written by Nancy Guthrie: “Holding on to Hope: A Pathway Through Suffering to the Heart of God.” I hope you’ll check that out. Her ministry also offers resources and retreats for those who are dealing with the loss as a result of a loved one’s death.

    Kelly, my husband and I are praying for you and asking God to provide you with hope, comfort, healing, and the amazing grace that flows from His steadfast love.

  • Jamie

    There is victory in Jesus, my Savior forever! Not only is He victorious in the big picture, but He is also victorious in the every day. I am so thankful that I serve a Might God, the Lover of my soul and my Friend who is sovereign over every situation. Your story has been such a blessing and encouragement to me over the years, so thank you for being will to be open and honest and available. Thank you for your kind words and moments of prayer at the ROH events. I always look forward to seeing you. My marriage is a very difficult one and most of the time, not very pleasant but I have kept my eyes on Jesus and determined to love him like Jesus does, to love him all the way to Jesus and that perhaps, my devotion to him and love for him in the midst of his anger and unkind words will win his heart for Jesus, to the glory of God. I am so thankful for the moments like 2 nights ago when for the first time in a LONG time my husband actually said, ” I love you.” I haven’t heard those words from him in so long, I don’t remember the last time they were spoken. He also admitted his wrong behavior, thanked me for sticking by his side and said that anyone else would have left him a long time ago but that since I have such a strong faith and values and morals, I have stayed by him this whole time and he is blessed to have me, a good woman, as his wife. Wow! You have no idea! God is our Jehovah Jirah, our Provider and He always comes through at just the right time. He is our Wonderful Counselor and in Him can we trust. I am so thankful this Christmas season for His mercy and grace and for the strength He gives us when we are weak and frail. It always happens when I think I just can’t go on anymore, God comes through and comforts my soul and is my Everything. So, I just wanted to Praise the Lord and thank you for your ministry to women. I pray that more and more women will join the True Women movement and encourage and enable their husbands to live for Jesus. See you in September 🙂

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello, Jamie ~

    Good to hear from you, I am so excited to hear how God is working! I’m praising the Lord with you. What a tangible evidence of God’s grace to see that your husband is responding to God’s work by tenderizing his heart toward you. I am so thankful to hear this. May God continue what He has begun!

    Thank you so much for sharing, I look forward to seeing you in September!

  • Peni

    Dear Kim – I just finished your Fierce Woman book. A friend recommended that I listen to your story on Focus on the Family. We actually got the CD and my husband listed. We have been married for 36 1/2 years and our story is very similar to yours. I am the fierce woman and he is the quiet introvert. He also is a minister,20 years. Our communication is not good but I had decided it was the “norm” for us. 12 years ago we left our home and started a ministry away from all our family. Last July, after months of sensing things were worse than usualy, I finally “goaded” him into telling me his feelings. I was not prepared. He announced that he had not loved me as a man should love a wife for years – probably since the first 5 years of our marriage (sound familiar). I was devastated and couldn’t believe he had never discussed this with me (he states he tried but I wouldn’t listen). We are both very involved with the ministry. I understand that I must focus on my relationship with Christ and He will work things out. God has already convicted me of where I was wrong which I have asked for forgiveness and asked my husband – God has taken away the need to “be heard” but my husband doesn’t want to discuss anything. Things are just getting worse – he will not even consider counseling but wants to stay together (mainly because he does not think God wants us to divorce). I’m crushed – trying to give it all to the Lord – searching for peace and joy from his to the point that I know longer feel pain from my marriage. I have begged my husband for years to take time and pray with me – no interest. I’m at a loss. He reminds me that it took you and Leroy 7 years – I’m nearly 57 and been married for 36 years – don’t think I can hang in this misery for another 7 years. Do you think it would benefit me to go to counseling by myself??

  • Christy Johnston

    I’m sitting here very SLOWLY making it through your book, “Fierce Women “. I say slowly because every paragraph or two I have to stop and let the God’s truth pour over me. I’m in the middle of being broken because I can hardly believe as I read that it is as if you have stepped into my life and you are writing a book about me. Every chapter, every page, I wipe the sad, bitter tears from my eyes realizing what a mess I have made in my marriage over the last ten years. Yet, for the first time in my life I finally feel hopeful about my marriage! I’m broken, in awe, amazed at how God is slowly lifting the veil from my eyes as he reveals my pain-filled, stony and hard heart before my own eyes. No one has ever been able to explain it better to me than you in these pages. Every chapter, I think to myself, “It’s as if she crawled into my life and wrote this book for me!” I only wish I would have found it sooner. Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing your heart. I’m realizing the truth about me, and I am finding hope for my marriage that I haven’t ever been able to find before. God is using this book in a mighty way in my heart. Blessings.

  • Sheilah Stetson Davis

    Hi Kimberly,
    I heard you and your husband’s story on Focus on the Family. I bought 5 books to give away at Christmas. I am having a “Fierce Woman- Soft Warrior” retreat April 21-24. Do you have a Bible study book that goes along with the book?
    I love your blog and you have been a great encouragement to me!

    In Him,
    Sheilah Stetson- Davis

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Dear Peni,

    I am so very sorry that I’m just today finding your comment, and as I read your story, my heart broke. I am so sorry for your deep pain. Yes, I think you need a truth-speaker in your life. It would be best if you and your husband both were able to sit down with a spiritually mature believer or another couple in ministry, if not professional counseling.

    Yes, it took us a long time, but it isn’t necessary to remain in your misery. God is able to bring down walls that have been erected, to supply grace for forgiveness and healing, but we must be willing to apply the truth of the Word to our lives.

    He may not be willing, but you might appeal to your husband for you to study Colossians 3:12–19 together. Perhaps spread this over several weeks, reading the passage together, looking at commentaries that explain word meanings, and discussing what it would look like to apply this passage to your marriage. He may be unwilling, or may consider this an attempt by you to usurp his authority, or to “control” him, so don’t be discouraged if her refuses. Pour yourself into praying for him and seeking to love him well.

    Have you ever done the “30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge” from Revive Our Hearts? Many wives have seen God use that challenge to powerfully impact their marriage:

    Please respond to let me know if you received this reply. And I hope to hear from you again, want to know how you are doing!

    Pausing to pray for you now ~

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Dearest Christy ~

    I am so very sorry that I’m just today finding your comment, I hope you receive my reply. I am SO excited to read that God is meeting with you in the pages of the book. Getting broken is messy, it’s hard, it’s terribly painful, but it’s good. Once God breaks us, He is able to take our softened hearts and remold us into a beautiful work of His. He is a good, good Father.

    Christy, He has good things stored up for you:

    “Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind!” (Psalm 31:19)

    Thank you for sharing your heart and being so transparent. May God continue to work and transform. If you and your husband haven’t watched our video together, I encourage you to do that:

    I hope you stay connected here by signing up to receive the daily blog post!

    Thank you so much for your encouragement. Blessings ~

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello, Sheilah ~

    I am SO EXCITED to know you are having a “Fierce Women” retreat! So cool. I do not have a study book (yet) that goes along with the book. But I encourage you to use the questions (or compile a few of your own) from the end of each chapter. Walk through these questions and discuss what the Word says and how to apply that truth to your marriage.

    Where is your retreat being held? I’m putting it down in my prayer journal to pray for you all 🙂

    Would love to hear how it goes!

  • Mary Ann Miller

    Have you considered writing a Bible study/discussion questions that would companion- Fierce Women? I just started reading it and would really like to do that with some friends soon.

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello, Mary Ann ~

    So glad you’re thinking about doing this with a group of friends! Hope you’re able to use the questions at the end of each chapter to facilitate some deep and helpful discussions. Let me know if you plan to do this as a study–would love to hear how it goes! Also, I hope you’ll plug in to the blog by “subscribing” to receive the daily blog post in your inbox.

    Blessings ~

  • Beth Ann Johns


    I just wanted to write and let you know how God has used your book in my life and the life of ladies in my church. My husband bought me the book about a year and a half ago. I eagerly started reading it and could relate to much of what you described (especially being a pastor’s wife myself). I quickly realized, though, after getting a couple chapters in that it would probably be most helpful in my life to go through the book together with some ladies in my church so they could be a sounding board for me to ask questions of and help keep me accountable with what God was doing in my life through the study. Four of us ladies formed a study group and met every two weeks to study each chapter. We decided it would be most beneficial in our lives if we discussed each chapter with our husbands before we met each time. I cannot tell you what a profound work the study has had in each of our lives and marriages. We all ranged from being married from 10 years to 20 years. The discussion with our husbands each week brought up some difficult topics but also gave our husbands a safe platform to speak into our lives. The time we had as ladies allowed us to review the Scripture you presented in each chapter and also gave us good accountability for our areas of weakness and encouragement where we were doing what was right. After finishing the study together, several of us decided to go through the book with different groups of ladies in our church. I just finished going through it the third time with a group of two younger women. With each discipleship group the ladies have agreed to do the homework we provide (some extra questions for each chapter) and also discuss each chapter with their husbands. The impact has been profound. At the end of each completion of the book, we share how the Lord has used the truths to change and grow us. I wanted to share some of those with you because I thought they might be an encouragement to you and your husband. Here are some things they shared:

    -I am my biggest problem in my marriage. The problem is my own heart.
    -If I’m not actively working to better my marriage, it will be declining. I should constantly be working toward greater love and unity.
    -It opened my eyes to way I have been emasculating my husband or discouraging him in his leadership of me.
    -It helped to show me my hidden fears of submission and helped me to find freedom in trusting God and His control. Also helped me in communicating and voicing these fears with my husband.
    -It was God I was not trusting in my marriage. I thought I just wasn’t trusting my husband.
    -It has given me a different vision for my husband’s spiritual growth and how I can be a part of that, especially through private prayer.
    -It has helped to show me the power of praise and thankfulness in my marriage rather than a critical spirit.
    -It has reminded me that my marriage must be rooted at the cross of Christ in humility.
    -Phil 2 – true joy, contentment, and purpose are found in Christ and in living out Christlikeness.
    -See the value and beautiful picture of what we’re portraying in the Great Mystery; this is so much bigger than us and an honor to image Christ and the church in this way.
    -There will be no true unity or intimacy with my husband if I am not passionately pursuing intimacy with Christ.
    -Marriage is a gift and a season. How will I steward this gift and season for His glory?
    -My husband is not my enemy.
    -I need to love the Word and Christ first above all else and pursue after that – this will affect my marriage in unmeasured ways and encourage my husband in his pursuit after Christ.

    Thank you so much for your vulnerability, openness, and transparency in your story for the sake of the larger Body of Christ. The Lord has used your book in amazing ways in the lives of the people in our own church. I have personally had my own eyes opened to see God grow my marriage in deeper unity and love and have also watched it happen in others’ lives and marriages.
    Our husbands (of the first original group to go through it at our church) have agreed to all go through your new book together when it comes out. Looking forward to using that resource and have been praying for you and your husband as you write it and work through the publishing process.
    Thank you for your ministry! God is using your story to glorify Himself!

    In Christ,
    Beth Ann Johns

  • Mary

    I’m only a few chapters in with Fierce Women, shocked at the story with Celeste and wondering what she suffered as a new believer, very young with difficult childhood background… Ann clearly lead her astray!! Yet I read about Ann being in the process of repentance and brokenness. Who took care of Celeste!? Is she okay?? She just got abused again, and by a Chrisian??!! The story is producing indignation in me. Ann wanted more more more yet she was already overwhelmed. And instead of backing off from some things because she couldn’t handle them she added one more “ministry opportunity.” Frankly, I don’t see a clear connection here regarding a fierce woman, but a selfish, spiritually immature woman, bereft of 5he understanding of true Christian love.

  • peni

    Things aren’t much better. Didn’t tell you before but there is a 27 yr old who has also lived with us for past two yes working in ministry. We have known her since she was an infant. Things hit bottom when she arrived on the scene. He states he is not involved with her but there is definite an emotional attachment. She is in process of moving to her place (down hill from us)-too many details to go into. We are alone now for the first time in two years as she has gone on a 19 day trip. I’m KNOW in my head that God has control of all things but my heart has tough time getting it. Im alone now-reading your book for a second time and searching scriptures as sitting in house with my husband, I could barely breathe. He hardly talks to me at all. I’m praying for at least a miracle break through in next couple weeks. Will look into that website you provided. Seriously considered seeing if you would meet with me for counseling-even if I have to fly there. I stood and watched this am as he preached and wondered how he continues to do that as if all is peachy. I sometimes thinks he wants me to make decision to leave to let him off hook. He says “he is working on himself with God’s help.” Not really sure to what extent that means. A dear former pastor friend asked to meet with him and he refused. Please pray for us

  • Carla

    Hello. I’m reading thru this blog and noticed I commented on aug 2 2013.
    Wow — God revealed to me my husband’s affair which is now over after a year now
    I chose to stay- he’s repented but distant from me and God. Do you have any blogs/books that u can
    Help me heal. I forgive him but him but I’m having a real hard time dealing with his distance that I bring up past and complain that this isn’t right. I’m truly seeking Jesus and he is Sooo faithful and a good Father!! He says he will just stay married to me to honor his commitment cuz of what he’s done but this is the best he can do.

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello, Beth Ann ~

    Wow, I can’t tell you how very, very encouraging your comment is. I just found it today (I’m behind in reading comments), but so very grateful for the way God has used this study in your life personally as well as in the husbands and corporately within your church body. What an answer to prayer for me and LeRoy (I shared your comment with him) to see the book being utilized in a way that impacts a congregation. To God be the glory!

    We are so excited that the husbands are planning to go through the book coming out in the fall. I hope the wives will join them in the same way that they joined you in the “Fierce Women” study!

    I hope you’ll encourage the women to stay connected by signing up to receive the daily blog post. We also plan to start featuring marriage posts from both of us soon.

    Grateful for you ~

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello, Mary ~

    Thank you so much for reading “Fierce Women” and for your comment. You are right, Ann was a demonstration, as you said of “a selfish, spiritually immature woman, bereft of the understanding of true Christian love.” And that was the point of featuring her story in the book. She is an example of a destructive fierce woman.

    This incident occurred several years ago and I got involved in Ann’s life when she reached out for counseling, after returning home from the mission field. I never met Celeste, so I can’t say what happened with her (she lived in another part of the world), but I do know that Ann’s family reached out to help her in the aftermath of this horrific abuse.

    I understand your indignation, and this story is heartbreaking–but sadly it is something I’ve seen repeatedly throughout our years of ministry. “Christians” abusing others–there is never an excuse or justification for that. And that is one thing I pray that women will glean from reading the book–we are all prone to want “MORE” to live selfishly and destructively fierce–but God has created us and provided for us to live humble, gracious, holy lives, extending true love to those who’ve been harmed by our sin.

    I pray that your reading of “Fierce Women” inspire you to live a life of godly beauty–loving God and others in a way that glorifies Him!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello, Carla ~

    Wow, I’m so thankful to hear from you, again, and to know that you and your husband are still together. You’ve chosen a hard journey, but a good road. I hope you are in a biblical church body and have at least one spiritually mature couple that is walking with you through the recovery process. It is so important to be surrounded by truth-speakers and encouragers to help you reach a place of healing and unity.

    Below is a link to some blog posts that you might find helpful:

    Also, we’ve recommended the book: “Worthy of Her Trust” by Jason Martinkus, as a resource for couples to work through together. It is written to men who’ve been unfaithful sexually, but we recommend that couples study it together.

    In September our book for husbands releases, or it is available now for Pre-Order on Amazon:“Men Who Love Fierce Women: The Power of Servant Leadership in Your Marriage” you both might find this resource helpful as well.

    Carla, he may not be willing, but you might appeal to your husband for you to study Colossians 3:12–19 together. Perhaps spread this over several weeks, reading the passage together, looking at commentaries that explain word meanings, and discussing what it would look like to apply this passage to your marriage. He may be unwilling, or may consider this an attempt by you to usurp his authority, or to “control” him, so don’t be discouraged if her refuses. Pour yourself into praying for him and seeking to love him well.

    Were you able to do the “30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge” from Revive Our Hearts? Many wives have seen God use that challenge to powerfully impact their marriage.

    If you’re not plugged in to a church with solid Bible teaching, find one and get connected there. None of us can navigate the Christian life well, attempting to do it as a “solo” believer, in order to grow, we need the healthy environment that is found in a body of growing believers.

    I’m pausing to pray for you now. May you see God move in your life in such a way that you are amazed by His “new” work!

    “For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” (Isa. 43:19)

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello, Peni ~

    I’m so sorry to read what state your marriage is in and know that you’re struggling through a painful process. I’m glad you’re re-reading the book, and going to the Word for help.

    I would love for us to be able to sit down with both you and your husband, if that could be arranged, and I’m glad to meet with you if we could work out those details.

    Did you know that we’ve written a book for husbands that will be released in September? It is available now for Pre-Order on Amazon:“Men Who Love Fierce Women: The Power of Servant Leadership in Your Marriage” you both might find this resource helpful.

    Also, please check out the “30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge” from Revive Our Hearts that I mentioned before.

    Many wives have seen God use that challenge to powerfully impact their marriage:

    Pausing to pray for you, Peni, may God show up in amazing ways!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Wow, Mary, what a beautiful God-story!!

    I’m so very sorry that I’m just now reading it for the first time :/ Sometimes these comments get buried and somehow I miss them, so sorry! I hope you return to read this. I loved hearing how God worked in your life and pray that you and your husband are enjoying a sweet season as newlyweds. I hope you’re plugged into the daily blog and receiving encouragement that way.

    Also, we’ve written a book for husbands that will be released in September. It is available now for Pre-Order on Amazon:“Men Who Love Fierce Women: The Power of Servant Leadership in Your Marriage” you both might find this resource helpful.

    Thank you for sending such a precious comment! Hugs back to you all the way to Singapore 🙂

  • Mary

    Hi Kim!!

    Thank you for your reply! I figured that somehow you missed out my comment and I did feel a little sad about it..but wow! Thanks to God u saw it and replied exactly one year, one month and one day later 😀 I subscribed to the email alert and was very pleasantly surprised to see that you replied!! 🙂 thanks for letting me know about the upcoming book, I’ll get it for him!
    And yes, God has been and always is good! I’m enjoying marriage thoroughly, despite the little bumps encountered along the way. I have re-read your book to refresh my memory and I suspect I may have to do that regularly to ensure I dont forget anything 😀 However, that being said, the basic principles and attitudes are deeply ingrained in my heart and mind.

    At this time, I suddenly understand the meaning of this verse:
    Titus 2:3-4
    The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
    That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,

    We are such ignorant/sinful creatures that we have to LEARN to love our husbands! Thank you for teaching us to do just that!! ❤️
    May God continue to bless you and use you!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    YAY!! Thanks for letting me know you found my year old reply!! Love it 🙂

    So glad that you are still learning, growing, and loving! Hope you stay connected here.

    God Bless ~

  • David Collins

    My wife Debbie has had the Fierce Woman book for some time now and I kept waiting for God to change her because God knows that I’m perfect (sarcasm). She suggested that I read the new book Men who love fierce women. Since I’m now in the “truck driving” career the audiobook was the best option. I love to read but I have to sleep as well. I’m certain LeRoy can understand.

    I didn’t realize how blinded by my own pride and self absorption until God sent me off in a truck with absolutely none of the comforts of home or being able to control things at home (not as if I really had control). I am floored that everything in that book is as if God had penned my life through your marriage. I am beding my knee to Christ and devoting my all to Him so that I can learn to love my Fierce woman the way Christ loves the church.

    Thank you so much for your transparency and I can not express enough my gratitude for God bringing your hearts and lives into ours. We have 12 years of destructive roommate living to muddle through but I want to continue to battle through my own passive deserter, old self lifestyle and battle for our God and our Marriage.

    God bless you both and I would love to talk with LeRoy if it were ever possible. I am in Oklahoma city right now with our truck down. But I would look forward to an email or call at anytime to get some extra guidance from someone who really knows my story.

  • Jenn

    Is easier when your husband also will be a leader provider not when they dont want anything of what you want in life…. i know by God power I can be a fierce woman but sometimes is just hard.

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Yes, Jenn, it is. It is hard to live out the truths of Colossians 3:12–17, but I pray you will ask God to fill you with the power and grace to do that. I hope you will subscribe to the daily blog and that can be a source of encouragement to you. Here’s a post you might find helpful:

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Hello, David ~

    So thankful that you’ve found the book helpful! I will convey your message to LeRoy and we’ll be in prayer for your marriage. May God continue to draw both of you to greater levels of patience and understanding toward each other. As you dig into God’s Word and allow Christ to conform you to His image, God will provide you with the ability to love your wife in ways that glorify Him.

  • Rachel

    I wanted to share that I was so excited when I found the Fierce Woman book!
    I’m single and have never been married, but have always been fierce.
    In high school I used to soapbox, point my opinionated finger, and swing my sword with zeal for the Lord. My sisters were intimidated of me, but it wasn’t until I found out my own mom was intimidated by my “big” ideas of how to live life in righteousness that I was crushed. I’d never meant to hurt anybody and the only way I knew to stop was to stop being fierce. I was going to be “nice” like all the other girls.

    I put that big sword I’d been born with in the closet and tried not to talk so loud. I’d tiptoe through conversations and end them with wishy-washy statements like “But I don’t really know” so as not to sound overly confident about my convictions.
    Then my parents started adopting and the Lord began teaching me about His love. First that He loved me not for my perfection (which I didn’t have!) but because I was His child. And no matter how many times I failed and fell down He still loved me. Through adoption I learned about dying-to-self love and began to grow in this as I learned how to love those who don’t love you, to pursue a relationship with those who could careless about knowing you, and I found fulfillment.
    I struggled at being “nice” but this love, through Him, I could do! And this was what I was going to be known for.

    Despite my efforts I still wasn’t like the other girls. I remember taking one of those spiritual gifts tests at a Bible study that was predominantly girls. We went around the room and shared. They all had a varying combination of “Service, Helps, and Hospitality.” Then it was my turn “Faith, Teaching, and Exhortation.” They lightheartedly teased me for not having hospitality on my list and this test revealed that no matter how mushy I tried to talk I couldn’t change what was inside and I again felt like the commando in a long line of flower girls.

    Still I wouldn’t give up, I’d keep fighting my own fierceness. I had hurt people with it, and no matter what that sword would not come out of the closet! Love was my banner!
    But when you’re surrendered to the Lord you can’t keep fierceness in the closet. The Lord was using it, and I coward in fear of this inner strength I knew I had. I tried to play weak hoping He’d believe I was. (He wasn’t fooled and neither was I) Still I fought Him on it. I shouted at Him more than once behind closed doors, “WHY DID YOU MAKE ME THIS WAY!”
    But the Lord wouldn’t relent, He kept bringing me that sword. I hated seeing it, I was afraid to even touch it, but His gentle persistence finally worked
    over a year ago and I gave in to Him.

    The sword felt different now after Love and Humility had been having their way in my life. I didn’t hurt people anymore and I finally felt free. It was okay to be the commando when it was for His glory!

    I recently heard about this book Fierce Woman and the title intrigued me. When I read the description of the Beautifully Fierce woman online I can’t express my excitement! I thought “THAT’S ME!” And I bought it!
    Then in the first chapter I read the healing words I’d been waiting 29 years of my life to hear: Jesus Loves Fierce Women.

    For once I wasn’t the only one, I wasn’t the only one who had hurt people, and even though I had, the Lord still loved me and wanted me to be this way. He has a plan and a use for it.

    I haven’t finished reading it yet, but am so excited to be learning about how to be a fierce woman in marriage so I won’t accidentally slay my husband someday.

    Thank you so much for writing this book!

  • Kimberly Wagner

    Dearest Rachel,

    I don’t always get teary when reading comments, but I did when I read yours. I can relate to so much of what you’re saying. Yes, Jesus loves fierce women, he commends so many different women of strength and Scripture is filled with strong women that God put in place to use at critical junctures in history!

    I hope you enjoy the book and also that you’ll stay connected here. If you plug in your email address in the “Subscribe” box, you’ll get a blog post in your inbox (almost) daily 🙂

    Keep pressing into all Jesus has for you, friend, and LOVE HIM FIERCELY!!

  • Rachel

    Thank you! In the beginning of the book you said it was going to be like we were sitting at the table together sharing and it really has felt like that. Except I couldn’t say anything back to you, but now I got my chance.
    I’ll have to check out the blog!

  • peni

    I’ve been waiting for the new book by Leroy. A friend alerted me that you two were on focus on the family with Your story and talking about his book. I got the cd and the book. I’ve asked him if he would listen to it and I think he has (he never shares with me if he does something positive for our marriage). I am anxious to read the book as I really want more insight from a man’s view as to how I’ve mad my husband feel. I’m praying he will dad too. God has taken me on quite the journey. Daily trying to put on the Colossians 3 life. Several friends have stated they noticed the new softer side of me and my actions toward my husband, but if anything, he seems to be further away (there have been a few positive signs). Still fill like I’m living in a three ring circus with the third party -many others have commented even about the way he looks at her). He adamantly denies any involvement other than friend. Hardest thing for me is to see how at ease and happy he is around here. I pray daily that God will do a work on my heart and restore our marriage (I know He can) and really convicted that I must obey exactly as God says. So hard to love my husband unconditionally when I see how kind and loving he is with someone else. My flesh is growing weak. If he would ever agree to counseling, it might be with you two. I di go to a wonderful Christian counselor for a while. Thank you for listening. I’ve also read through all your interviews with Nancy Demoss and watched your you tube interviews. It really encourages me to hang in there and show more patience for my husband.

  • peni

    Also have read a lot of interviews to see how others handle the Lack of a physical relationship It’s been almost three years since he’s “touched me” other than a kiss. I feel this is a sin per the Bible (Colossians 7:5) and definitely let’s Satan have a stronghold. I did do the 30 day challenge

  • Saira

    Hi there Kim! I want to thank the Lord for what he’s done for you & Leroy, & also thank you guys for being willing to follow His lead! I heard about you guys on a podcast wherein you were guest speakers. I bought Men Who Love Fierce Women (not realizing there were two & this one was geared more toward the men), nevertheless, it has been a very helpful read. I still have a strange request though: I am actually single, but one of my biggest fears about being married is I see myself in the person you were before the heart change…”fierce” & very capable of wounding. I’m not this way in any of my relationships now, but I was before I met Jesus (over 5 years ago) & it feels as though it’s just lurking in me. Wondering if you think there’s advice you’d have for the unmarried you. Precautionary steps, etc, to start working on this before there is someone in the picture to be hurt by it. & also if possible, advice from Leroy on how to gently encourage a man to lead if he’s having trouble like Leroy did, before resentment becomes an issue. In other words, what kinds of things did Leroy think you could have said or done to encourage him earlier on in your marriage before he felt like “the cave” needed to be his permanent home?

    Thank yall so much! I appreciate any reply you give. & if none, thank you for the books.


  • Jen

    Hi Kimberly, I heard your interview with your husband on focus on the family and learned of Leroy’s book. I read both because your life reminds me of my life with my ex to be. We’ve been married for 5 years and he will initiate the divorce process in a couple of months. I tried applying what you had advised but he has checked out. I think he might’ve met someone because he doesn’t want to work on our marriage. My question is what do I do if he has checked out and will filling divorce papers soon. We are currently living together and it’s hard knowing that we will be divorcing soon and still have to treat him with humility and let him lead. I am angry that he is giving up on our marriage and I know my fierceness pushed him away but I’m asking him for us to not give up as I just learned of what I did was wrong. He doesn’t think he needs to work on his end and it’s one sided at this point. I just want to go into my cave and hide and just ignore him. I don’t because I don’t want to regret not giving my all and I just learned of your book but he said it’s too late. We are not religious.

  • Allie

    Hi! I have come to my wits end with my passive husband. I have been catering to his need to feel loved and understood so much that I feel like I am the man/leader in this marriage. Am I stuck? Why should I reach out and take the lead again but this time in trying to fix this marriage. I would like to separate just so that I can have some peace and sanity. I would like for him to read men who love fierce women and reach out to godly men for counseling but he is okay with things as they are and tells me that he loves me( words words words with no action) and that I am free to go if I am so miserable and that he doesn’t blame me. On the other hand he tells me to stop making him out to be the bad guy and if I want to leave then leave but I have never loved him or cared about him, etc I just don’t feel like I should be loving him and living with him in understanding and that our roles are way to reversed to the point where I feel like I can’t be a woman meaning I can’t have feelings or needs etc. I am so ready to leave but have ordered your book and will see what it says but I am not at the point to where I can take the lead on anything right now.

  • Valerie Nation

    My Husband and I have been “married” for 22 years. There are a lot of things I love about him, and a lot of things I can’t stand about him. When I heard your story on a podcast, you were telling my story. Oh my goodness, I thought no one could understand what we’ve been through. The only difference is my husband spends all his spare time playing video games, and we’ve had to overcome his use of porn(and we have major sex issues). I bought your book as an audio book and listen to it during my commute to work. I have come to realise that I’m the cause of the way he acts. I just didn’t know how bad I was at tearing him down. I have asked for forgiveness from him and we are trying to rebuild. I don’t trust him and he doesn’t trust me.

  • Steve

    Her identity and value are rooted in her relationship with Christ rather than a relationship with a man.

    I agree with this statement yet so many women look at this as “I need no man” as did my wife. Women as a rule of thumb do not need physical intimacy as deeply as a man and the emotional and communicative needs can be fulfilled with 3 or 4 close girlfriends.

    My wife adopted this thinking when she first read it in a self-help book. Unfortunately, what it reinforced was a ‘fierce independence’ which grew her level of contempt for who I was as a man in parallel with not seeing me as a broken human as well but a child of God.

    Needless to say, and I mentioned this yesterday in an email, we are headed for divorce. Her new theology is ‘I just need Jesus and Jesus provides everything I need’ therefore the covenant (I believe she sees marriage as a voidable contract) of marriage is trumped by ‘feelings’ of “if I am not happy then it is my husband not me and to get closer to God he needs to go.

    Anyhow, I will stop here. Again, the refreshing aroma of a fierce woman that can see her own sin and had the self-control and humility to repent not only to God but to her husband and honors him by coming under his God ordained protection boosts my heart. It is what I longed for for 20 years and could never get my wife to agree on.

  • Steve

    my first comment should not have been a reply specifically to you. i must have inadvertently fat fingered the reply…. sorry. Again, imperfection rearing its ugly head 😉 in life.

    Broken together with you!

  • Steve

    Wow, thanks for the honesty. As a guy this is refreshing. Obviously a good LCSW (at the least if not higher degree) would be helpful. Hear his heart on the sex issues he has. I have been there and you are right, often in ‘that’ area it can be the woman’s lack of understanding of a mans sexual desire (remember YOU are the only biblical outlet for that release) and not meeting that need in good and healthy moderation will destroy his involvement in the marriage. I will testify to that truth as for 18 years sex has, at best, been 6 times a year. WHen my wife would ever ask me ‘what’s wrong/” or ‘do we need to talk’ I learned quickly not to bring up “that again” as it was ALWAYS ( I will not exaggerate) disregarded as that I was perverted or deranged in some way. I just learned I was not important and sadly I reacted and lived in that desert for 20 years. IF his needs are determined as reasonable and healthy then address them for him IT IS BLESSED BY GOD, if he has developed an unhealthy addiction then therapy can help to rebuild that trust. You are awesome to have posted this- I am inspired by the honesty and your willingness to see your covenant flourish in Him.

    Broken in Him,

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